You say curves, I think body image.
And when I think of body image, I picture this week’s post cards from Post Secret:
And that disturbs me.
For the longest time, I didn’t have any curves: I was a walking, talking scarecrow who breathed. And though this sounds great on the surface (Oh, to be THIN!), it wasn’t, at least to me. I wanted boobs. And I wasn’t going to be stingy about it – I wanted handfuls, just something for a man to hang on to.
But alas, I didn’t develop like I wanted to and was I stuck with size “B” bumps.
Then, I had children and suddenly, I had curves were there were none before. My breasts swelled to a size “C” (and stayed there) and where in the world did these hips come from? (I was thrilled about the breasts, the hips? Not so much).
Now that I had curves, you would think I would be happy, right?
Wrong. Suddenly, I wanted my hips to reduce and my waist to come back, neither of which has happened, by the way.
I wasn’t happy with my body then, and I’m not happy with my body now. And my point is: is anyone ever really happy with every aspect of their body, even when they achieve their goals?
Of course not. Part of that is our desire to be better, to be perfect. I think most of us have an innate desire to improve ourselves. But I think a large portion of how we feel about our curves, or lack thereof, comes from society and the picture they have shoved down our throats about what is beautiful, and what is not.
Take the above post cards, for example.
The first one, she obtained her goal. She had her surgery and she was now beautiful and thin. And yet, she’s still not happy because her shield, or her size, was no longer available for her to hide behind. This is a classic case of be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. And when you get it, can you handle it?
The second one, she’s thin, but not thin enough. She wants more, she’s never satisfied and I’m guessing will never be satisfied with her appearance until her inner expectations change: a classic case of wanting more and never quite getting more. When does the wanting stop?
I think women obsess about curves way too much. I think men obsess about curves way too much (but then again, they’re sort of programmed to think that way, so they have an excuse). Women want to look like the models, the ones who portray our idea of beauty, yet they don’t want to work for it – it takes time, discipline and motivation to obtain that rock hard body, or they’re simply not physically built the same way and no matter how hard you try, those birthing hips? Will never slim down because your bone structure is different.
When we will learn to be satisfied with who we are? In whatever shape we’re in? I mean granted, a person shouldn’t be so large that it interferes with his/her health, or give up on his/her appearance simply because it’s easier to do that than to exercise restraint, but if a person is larger because they are simply built that way, why can’t we just be okay with that fact?
When we will accept the fact that we are who we are and stop worrying about becoming someone else? Life is too short to be miserable, either make improvements and be satisfied with those improvements, or stop worrying about it and enjoy life.
I think I have finally accepted the fact that I’m an Amazon woman. I’m a big woman, not in the physical sense but in the physical presence sense. I will never be petite and no matter how much I close my eyes and mutter my wishes under my breath, I will never be the size I wish I could be. I’m tall and wish I could be shorter. I’m average weight for my height but wish I could weigh lighter. I wish … I wish … I wish … I want … I want … I want …
You know what? Screw it. I’m a curvy woman and I’m okay with that.
What about you? Have you accepted the way you look? Or are you still trying to fix yourself?
Write From Karen 