Category: Life

Life, Roy's Story

Father’s Day 2016

Karen

Father’s Day was non-stop here. Kevin and Roy mowed lawns, I did 3.25 miles on the treadmill, got cleaned up and picked up a Jimmy John’s sandwich platter for lunch. After lunch, Kevin, Roy and the boys went swimming at our rental house.  For those of you just tuning in, Roy is Kevin’s uncle (his grandmother adopted him) and he lives in our rental house across the street.

Kevin’s grandmother died in 2008 (?) and Kevin and his mom are Roy’s co-guardians. I wouldn’t say the rest of Kevin’s family wrote him off, but they don’t have a lot of interaction with Roy, Kevin is fully responsible for him, though Kevin’s mom does help out when needed. Roy lived with Kevin’s parents for the first five years after Kevin’s grandmother died and the relationship became strained – plus, Kevin’s parents are getting up there in age and simply can’t watch/take care of Roy anymore – so the responsibility lies with Kevin.

How do I feel about it? I’m a little resentful, I’ll be honest. I admire the hell out of Kevin for stepping up and taking on that responsibility, but I resent the fact that Roy has become part of our immediate family – the boys moved out, and Roy moved in, in essence.

Yes, I realize this makes me sound cold hearted and you would be correct in assuming that, I am a bit cold hearted – I really don’t want to be in this position, but then I immediately feel guilty for thinking that because if Kevin hadn’t stepped in and taken over Roy’s care, he would be in a home right now.

I have a lot of guilt for feeling this way.

But the situation really turned out for the best. We firmly believe God had a plan for us when the woman across the street passed away and her home went up for auction. And Kevin was curious, so we attended her estate sale. I remember feeling so, SO sad walking through her house and seeing all of her possessions laying around for people to nit-pick over. I remember feeling angry that there were people who would turn their noses up at her stuff, stuff that she was proud to have, took care, held memories for her.

And I remember feeling FURIOUS that Kevin bid on the house. Luckily, he lost the bid. I was relieved.

But again, God had a plan and one month later, the guy who bought the house contacted Kevin and asked him if he wanted to buy it – he said yes.

It was my birthday. Happy birthday to me, here’s a rental house.

We took out a home-equity loan against our house and fixed the rental house up. We tore up the carpets and put in hardwood floors. We completely remodeled the kitchen and put in all new appliances. We painted and fixed up the landscape. We got the pool up and running for about $600 even though “the experts” told us it would take about $12,000 to get it working properly.

And by “we” I mean Kevin. Kevin is a master of all trades and quite talented in figuring things out. He did a fantastic job of fixing that house up.

Shortly after fixing it up, Roy’s relationship with Kevin’s parents went south. And Kevin had an idea – why don’t we ask Roy to move? He would pay us rent, Kevin would be able to keep an eye on him and someone we knew would be living there.

Win-Win-Win.

And then Kevin got another brilliant idea – why not move my office into the front part of the house and Roy would live in the back part of the house.

Oh. And how about turning the basement into a music studio for his band to use for practice?

I’m telling you guys, I’m married to a genius.

So that’s Roy’s story in a nutshell. And Kevin is usually at the rental house more than he is at our house, but that’s okay, it gives me a chance to do what I want to do and Kevin has his space.

Win-Win-Win.

Back to Father’s Day.

So the guys are swimming at the house. I don’t swim over there. I never have and I never will. I will not be caught dead in a swim suit in front of Roy. It just feels ……………. icky.

So I went to the mall. And while there, I returned this dress to Old Navy. I wanted to like it, I did like it, my body, however, had other ideas. And yes, I’m on the endless, frustrating cycle of trying to find clothes that will look good on me and keep me cool when we go to Bermuda.

(Yes – we booked the vacation).

I also went to Bath and Body Works to pick up some body lotion because momma loves her some body lotion.

And then I picked up the cookie cake that you see above. We don’t DO cakes in our family – it’s always cookie cakes.

I took it over to the rental house and the guys were ready to take a break from swimming and sugar up.

The fact that this is blurry makes me angry – stupid camera.

The guys lounged around a bit more after cookie cake, some more than others….

And then Kevin made curly hotdogs

and then we all five, me, Kevin, the boys and Roy, all played Lords of Waterdeep. It’s a Dungeon’s and Dragon’s board game – yes, we ARE that cool.

It’s a super fun strategy game and we will be playing that more often. The boys really enjoyed themselves.

Oh, I almost forgot, we surprised Kevin with Blue Puma sneakers:

blue-pumas

He had his eye on these the other day when we were shopping for me for (more) sneakers for work but he didn’t end up buying them. I went back later and got them for him because I knew he would never buy them himself.

Cool sneaks for a cool man.

It was a crazy, busy day but I think Kevin and the boys had a good time. He’s seriously one of the most awesome men/fathers and we are very blessed to have him in our lives.

We love you, Kevin!

 

 

Life

My Eyeballs

Karen

I’ve gone a little overboard on buying reading glasses. (I bought all of these glasses, except for the second row, middle picture, through Coastal.com – no, this is not a sponsored post.

I shouldn’t even BE wearing glasses but my eyesight is poor today because of me.

Let me explain.

Back in the early 2,000’s, (that’s still seems so weird to type), I went to college. I went to college because 1. it was a life goal of mine and 2. I wanted to set a good example to the boys.

I loved college, but then I was in a place in my life that I COULD love it. I was a stay-at-home mom during the day, and worked at Wal-Mart at night. I went to class while the boys were in school. It worked out well. I had time to study, (not necessarily the energy to study) and I graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science degree in Technical Writing/Creative Writing minor.

I’ve never really been smart, per se, I have a lot of common sense and the ability to think logically so that saved my bacon when it came to studies. But I came up with this (not-so) brilliant idea of wearing glasses because it would give me a mental “boost” – I would FEEL smarter.

And it worked – I did feel smarter and I felt like I did better. I don’t know why I did this, it’s stupid and I DON’T RECOMMEND it, but again, I’ve never claimed to be overly smart.

This wearing glasses tactic worked as far as my grades but it ruined my eyesight.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t have needed reading glasses later in life anyway, but it would have at least delayed the inevitable by about ten years.

Now? I can’t see squat up close without them. And I can’t really see that great overall without them, but I’m too stubborn to wear them all the time. I can see fine far away, not so great up close.

What really concerns me is I have to renew my driver’s license in November and I’m really hoping I can pass the eye test without my glasses because I don’t want it to indicate that I have to wear my glasses on my license. Again, I see fine far away, but can’t see very well up close so wearing my reading glasses to drive would not be a good idea. I wonder if they will allow me to take the eye test with my reading glasses but not make it mandatory that I wear them on my license? This is all new territory for me.

I have eight pairs of reading glasses. I know – that’s excessive. But I sort of became obsessed with Coastal.com when a friend of mine at work told me about the free pair she got through Coastal.com. (I really must stop talking to friends at work about stuff – it ends up costing me money).

So I went on to the site and started looking around. Then I uploaded a picture of myself and spent HOURS trying on virtual glasses to see how they looked. And then, Coastal figured out I had made an account and started sending me promotional emails about deals and well – eight pairs of glasses later, here we are.

The biggest reason I have so many glasses is because it’s fun to shake up “my look.” I wear scrubs all day every day, I GET BORED. And the only thing I can do about it is switch up my accessories once in a while.

The two pictures with the starburst in the corners are my favorite glasses. I wear those the most. I also feel stupid wearing the cheetah-looking glasses, (top row, last picture on the right) but I always get a lot of compliments from co-workers and patients together when I do. Maybe they all really hate them and don’t want to hurt my feelings. ha!

It’s been two years since my last eye exam. (I feel like I’m confessing a sin here). And honestly, it’s probably about time for me to have another eye exam, but so far, my glasses are doing a pretty good job of maintaining my eyesight and I won’t even tell you how much I’ve spent on glasses (hint – none of those pairs, well maybe one pair, was more than $50) and I don’t feel like I’ve gotten my money’s worth out of them yet, so I’ll hold off on a new eye exam because I’m sure the prescription will come back that I need stronger glasses and I’m not ready to drop another fortune on glasses just yet.

(Side note: my left eye is weaker than my right eye – that’s weird, right?)

Kevin’s eyesight is worse than mine. His prescription is for actual glasses, not just for reading. He’s getting pretty sick of wearing glasses and has made an appointment to have his eyes checked for contacts. He actually looked into laser eye repair but they told him that since he can see far away but can’t see close, that type of procedure would not be helpful to him. They could do one eye, but not both. Not sure I understand the rationale behind that, but okay.

Kevin’s sister wears one contact so that she can see both up close and far away, not sure I could handle that but she seems to be okay with that solution.  I’m not sure how they will fix Kevin’s problem so that he can read but still be able to see long distance with contacts, but we’ll see what they come up with.

I honestly don’t mind glasses. I’ve gotten so used to them now it’s weird when I don’t wear them. But Kevin has gotten tired of always having to have his glasses close by and he says he doesn’t have a problem with sticking something in his eyeball, so we’ll see if contacts are a better solution for him.

Me? No way. Just the thought of touching my eyeball makes me heave a hairball. I’ll just stick to multiple pairs of glasses, thank you very much.

 

Life

Tame the Chaos

Karen

I don’t know a lot about Autism, but I understand it on some level.

I don’t know the specifics about Autism, how it truly affects people, individual struggles to cope and process environment stimuli, but I get how environmental stimuli could be overwhelming.

I am not Autistic, but I am hyper aware of my surroundings. Without really trying, I am aware of what people are doing, where people are in relation to my position, what they are saying, their body language, their facial expressions and I have potential scenarios running in my head all the time – if this happens I will do this, if that happens I will do that. I pride myself on anticipating what needs to be done next, what someone might need from me, and I will often perform some task without the other person having to tell me.

I would be aware of all of these things in the video, but the difference is, my brain can quickly process it and then discard it as not being important to me or the people I’m with.

Does that make sense?

I suppose my awareness is one of the reasons I’m such a great multi-tasker. I thrive on handling several things at once. I get an adrenaline rush whenever I’m put into a situation like that – I can work on something, answer the phone, answer someone’s question while I’m on the phone, and make an appointment all at the same time. I do this all day, every day at work. I’m good at compartmentalizing. This is one of the reasons why I’m completely brain dead when I get home at night and on the weekends – because I’m juggling my environmental stimuli and constantly adjusting my personality/demeanor to put patients at ease or simply deal with different co-worker, patient personalities.

I can’t imagine being bombarded with all of that information, that over stimulation and NOT being able to quickly process it. It must feel a little like drowning, I would predict.

I work with a gal who doesn’t process very well. For example, we started clinic one day and my doctor got called away for emergency surgery. He had been on call the day before and a patient had been admitted with a brain bleed. They didn’t do anything on that day wanting to see if the bleed would resolve, only it didn’t, and by the next day, the day of our clinic, the bleed got worse and required immediate intervention.

My doctor had to cancel his clinic so he could do an emergency craniotomy (a fancy term that means to cut into the brain to see what was going on) on the patient.

This meant we had to deal with the patients already in the rooms, the patients checking in, notifying the clinic of the situation and calling patients that had yet to arrive. And we had to do all of this super fast – our pace just got jacked up to about five times faster than our normal speed so that the doctor could try and see the patients we had in the clinic before going down to the OR. (They were to call us when the patient was in the OR and ready for him to cut).

It was exhilarating to me, but not so much for the nurse that I work with. I could quickly see she was completely overwhelmed. She had no idea what to do first, couldn’t focus on the task in front of her and I literally ran circles around her taking care of everything.

I don’t say this to brag, I’m just saying that I tend to handle high-stress moments like that. I’ve always operated well under duress. I think quickly – whenever something like that happens, it’s like the fog is blown away and I see everything crystal clear.

But I realize that not everyone is like that. I admit, I got pretty impatient with the nurse for not thinking/moving as quickly as me, but I do realize that not everyone is capable of doing that.

(But you would think thinking quick on your feet would be a prerequisite for nursing as they are often asked to think/move quickly??).

But again, I’m okay to handle situations like that as long as they’re not long lasting. In the scenario above, it only lasted about 30 minutes and then things quieted way down once the doctor went down to the OR. I can only imagine how stressful and exhausting that must be to a person with Autism every moment of every day.

It’s no wonder that Autistic people come up with unique ways to cope – they have to right their worlds somehow – tame the chaos the only way they know how.

Empty Nesters

Empty Nesters for 15 Months Now

Karen

I haven’t updated you on the boys for a while now. They’ve been in their apartment for over one year.

Just typing that doesn’t make it feel real. I mean, it’s real, but it doesn’t feel real. It feels like they just moved out last month.

It’s scary how fast time flies, isn’t it?

Blake graduated in 2011.

I’m not sure I ever properly introduce them to you all. Blake is our oldest, he’s 23, and Brandon is our youngest, he’s 21.

(Side note: Know what’s REALLY weird? Having an alcoholic beverage with your children. Blake drinks the occasional beer with his dad and though Brandon is old enough to drink, he refuses. He won’t even drink coffee “because caffeine is highly addictive, mom.” haha! That kid. That was really the moment our kids morphed into adults for me, I think.).

The boys moved out around Brandon’s birthday last March. They weren’t motivated to look around for an apartment so Kevin and I did their looking for them. (If we had waited for them to find motivation to look, they would still be living with us and nope, they needed to start being their own people).

There is an apartment complex literally five minutes from our house, just down the street, and they offered a pretty sweet Internet package and we knew that was going to be key for our boys. (They are both pretty huge geeks). So, we made an appointment and we looked at them – it was small but really perfect for both of them. There were two, identical units available, one on the second floor and one on the third floor. They both had fireplaces (how cool is that!?!) but the third floor apartment had carpet in the kitchen and the 2nd floor one did not. I talked them into taking the 2nd floor one, (which was a big mistake, more on that in a minute).

We co-signed their lease since neither one had any credit to speak of, (And *snap*, that reminds me, we need to get them set up on a credit card so they can start building their credit. We can’t continue to co-sign for them forever), and we helped them move in.

We shopped around for a kitchen table and a sofa and they each paid for half. (Luckily, we had taught them the seriousness of saving their money and by the time they graduated from high school, they both had a little money saved up).

I think we ended up buying their kitchen utensils and bathroom necessities. Of course, they had their beds and their computers to furnish their bedrooms. We gave them an old TV we had lying around and they were set.

The first two months they lived there were pretty awesome. They loved it.

Brandon graduated in 2013.

And then someone moved into the 3rd floor apartment above them. The couple have a young daughter and the couple constantly yell/scream/fight with each other and the child constantly runs from room to room. On top of this noise, they started smelling something like a skunk smell in their apartment.

(I wish now I hadn’t talked them into the 2nd floor apartment, they wouldn’t have had to deal with all of the stomping at least, though I suppose the yelling/fighting and smell would still have been a problem).

They finally got fed up with their shenanigans and reported them to the apartment manager. The manager left a note on their door and things got better for a bit.

But then that threat wore off and the fighting, stomping and smell came back. They complained again and the manager sent someone over to check the vents thinking that maybe an animal or something had gotten caught and that was what was smelling, but everything was clear.

We took some ice cream over to their place one night and that was the first time I smelled the skunk smell. WOW. They weren’t kidding, it was pretty bad. We were pretty sure the people above them were smoking some stink weed or smoking … something they shouldn’t have been.

Blake, my quiet, shy, introverted son, finally had enough. He actually called the cops on them one night. Their fighting was getting worse and they would do it in the middle of the night. (I find it hard to believe that the other neighbors hadn’t complained about them given how rude and obnoxious they are). Blake said the cops came over, pounded on their door but no one would answer. They knew they were home because they heard them before and after the police came.

(Side note: After the boys moved in, they found out that there had been a meth lab in the complex several years ago. I’m assuming, given the facility’s history, the police continue to treat complaints from the complex as serious, which is good, in some ways. At least they are being watched).

The police were called … I want to say several months ago. Blake says the noise, though still there, isn’t as bad and he hasn’t smelled that smell in quite some time. I’m hoping the police coming to visit was enough to scare their neighbors, not straight, exactly, but at least taking their crap somewhere else.

It’s sad the boys have had such a hard time with assholes their first time out of the house, but in a way, it’s sort of good, too. We have spoiled them rotten over the years, pretty much giving them what they have always wanted, and they’ve never really been inconvenienced in their entire lives, so this experience has taught them that you have to learn to deal with all sorts of jerks out there and life is sometimes messy.

Honestly, I think we see them more now than when they lived with us. They come over a lot for dinners, (whenever Kevin and I aren’t working late and can make dinner, which hasn’t been very often lately), and they always come over on Sundays, either to drop/start their laundry, (which I don’t mind finishing for them) and to eat Sunday dinner. Now that Kevin has the pool up and running at the rental house, they may start coming over on the weekends to go swimming.

Kevin and Roy also bought an old fishing boat and have been taking it out on Lake Springfield on the weekends. Blake went with them last weekend but he said that none of them even had a nibble. I’m just glad Blake is getting out of the house and getting some fresh air.

Brandon is our social one and I don’t worry about him, but I wish Blake had at least one friend. He’s like me, he doesn’t really have any friends and though I’m okay with that because I have people at work I goof around with, Blake works for Kevin and he doesn’t really have any work friends to socialize with. Having at least one friend would allow him the opportunity to get out and live life once in a while.

Our boys are great people, though. I’m very proud of both of them. They have morals and are kind to people. I wish they would start thinking about their long-term goals in life, though. I mean, if they choose to live their lives going from paycheck to paycheck, I guess that’s their prerogative, but life sure is easier if you have a good job and make some decent money. Like I mentioned, Blake works for Kevin and though he’s not building a lot of social skills, he has developed a lot of bookkeeping experience that will likely come in handy for him one day whenever Kevin retires.

Brandon is still working for the shoe store – in fact, he got promoted just recently. He’s working more hours, making more money and he has temporarily (?) put wanting to work at a bank on the back burner. He likes his manager, he likes his work and he feels comfortable doing it. He’s around people all day, of course, and he is developing some pretty important people skills too. I think everyone should have to work with the public at least once in their lives. Learning to get along with all sorts of personalities is crucial to success, in my opinion.

So, the boys have signed another one-year lease. They were thinking of signing a six-month lease in case their neighbors started being dicks again, but that would have cost them more money every month and Blake didn’t want to do that. (They are such cheap skates – I LOVE IT!). They were hoping one of their cousins would move in with them so they could afford a bigger place, but that didn’t pan out for them. So they are stuck in their apartment until next March. We were hoping their neighbors would move out in May, but nope, no such luck.

This apartment complex has townhouses that would really be perfect for three people. Maybe they will be able to move into one of those when their lease is up in March 2017.

The boys still have their keys to our house and we’ve always told them they are more than welcome to come over any time. They may not live here anymore, but it will always be their home.

Life

We Can’t Control Getting Older but We Can Control How We Do It

Karen

When I tell people at work that I’m 50, (and that’s only if they corner me and phrase their questions so that I have no choice but to answer them directly instead of my usual deflect or avoid strategy), they are shocked.

I’m shocked. I still can’t believe I’m 50. It just sounds ……. OLD.

I don’t feel OLD. Mentally, I feel like I’m still in my mid-twenties. Physically? well, not so much.

I’ve always had pretty good health. Oh sure, I’ve had three feet of my intestines ripped out of my abdomen, I’m prone to headaches, sinus issues, and I’m pretty sure I have scoliosis which translates into back problems and one leg being shorter than the other, but overall, I’m in pretty good shape.

(Side note: Kevin told me the other day that he notices that I swing my right foot whenever I walk. That I’ve always done that. WHAT?! I never knew that. Now I’m super self-conscious to lift my right foot up whenever I walk).

I’ve dealt with these issues over the years by trial and error – I find ways to cope with these discomforts and have learned how to prevent them from reoccurring.

steps
Our weekly steps are usually this close, sometimes he pulls ahead, but I mostly beat him. Mainly because I’m on my feet most days at work. Most of his steps are on the weekends.

But then I went through menopause and suddenly, somehow, aliens have taken over my body and I don’t recognize me anymore.

My biggest issue is not being able to sleep. Which SUCKS because I’ve always slept pretty good my whole life. I’ve been somewhat of a fish, more than usual. I’ve always flopped around in bed my whole life but somehow, it didn’t really affect my sleep. Now, I am NEVER comfortable. We used to have one of those memory foam mattresses which was comfortable for about six months and then it was like sleeping on a marshmallow and I would wake up with numb extremities. We spent WAY too much money on that stupid mattress. And we kept it for about five years because, well, we spent WAY too much money on that stupid mattress. I HAVE to get my money’s worth.

Have you met me??

But after a while, I just couldn’t take it anymore. So when we started shopping around for firmer mattresses, we decided to avoid the super mattress stores and go simple – like Wal-Mart simple. Like, we bought a mattress that came rolled up into a box and cost $250 bucks simple.

And I have to admit, I love this thing. It’s firm, maybe just a bit too firm, but I don’t wake up with numb extremities anymore.

Now I wake up because my hips hurt. Or my legs ache. And when I get out of bed in the morning, the arch of my left foot is so painful I hobble around like I’m 90 years old until it just sort of works itself out. And once it stops aching, it doesn’t hurt the rest of the day.

In fact, I’ve been having all sorts of weird aches like that, my legs, my hips, my arms, my hands. So I started researching because God forbid I actually go to a doctor. And what good is that going to do anyway. He/she will try and prescribe medication and no thank you – I’m fighting that route for as long as I can.

I started thinking … I’ve gone through menopause. I am no longer producing estrogen but I take Flaxseed oil (that I read mimics estrogen) and a supplement that does a pretty fantastic job of controlling my hot flashes. One of the big things a woman loses when she goes through menopause is calcium. And Lord knows, I definitely do not take enough calcium in my day-to-day diet. So, I started experimenting. I’ve been eating cottage cheese every morning, (Kevin has been doing that for years and he’s healthy as a horse). And I’ve been taking a calcium/magnesium/zinc supplement every morning, too.

I’ve been doing this for about two weeks now and WOW, what a difference. My joint pain has all but dissipated though I still wake up with that weird foot arch pain so I’m thinking it must have something with the way I’m sleeping, or maybe my mattress is a little too firm, but I haven’t given up on that yet.

All of these crazy body pains/issues is different for me. Like I said, I’ve always had issues but now suddenly, I have different issues. I’m sure it’s because my body is changing, getting older, etc., but it’s been a challenge for me to keep up.

I need to get that resting heart rate down.
I need to get my resting heart rate down.

I could stand to lose about 50 pounds. (But then again, who can’t stand to lose a few pounds?). That’s something else I’ve noticed since going through menopause – I have a terrible time keeping weight off. But then again, to be perfectly honest, I haven’t been trying very hard, either. I could certainly eat less carbs and sugar and though I’ve been back on the treadmill, I need to use it more often throughout the week.

I had that little heart scare about six months ago. I felt a chest tightness, shortness of breath, nauseated and my left arm ached. I was quite convinced I was having a heart attack and went to the ER. They ran some tests and told me, no, I wasn’t having a heart attack and here, let’s shoot some Ativan into you so you’ll calm down and send you home. (I would LOVE to have some of that Ativan on hand, let me tell you). They sent me for a stress test and everything came back normal. My heart is fine, I had a panic attack. Too much stress at work – go figure.

ellipitcal
Fitbit charts my walking as doing the Elliptical, not sure why. Also, MUST DO BETTER.

But I’ve always been able to handle stress in the past, now that I’ve gone through “the change”, I feel like my body is turning into mush. It’s frustrating.
Kevin bought me a Fitbit for my birthday. It’s a Fitbit Charge HR. Kevin bought it for me for two reasons: 1. we earn points at work every time we walk 6,000 steps and/or if we have 30+ minutes of physical activity, which translates into money toward any health care cost we incur in a 12 month period and 2. to keep track of my heart rate. When I first got my Fitbit, my resting heart rate was in the mid-80’s, now it’s in the mid-70’s though it has been creeping back up there again. I need to do better about getting back on the treadmill.

That’s something else that has been different – my heart races. I will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and my heart is beating so fast I almost feel out of breath. I have to sit up for a bit, (and most times fall asleep that way), in order to get some relief. It doesn’t happen as often as it did before I started becoming more active, but it does happen. I just focus on my breathing and force myself to relax my body and it goes away. I think I read somewhere that racing heartbeats was another symptom of menopause.

IT SUCKS GETTING OLDER.

But I’m not going to let getting older defeat me. I see people I went to high school with on Facebook and it always surprises me how OLD they look. And I’m one of the oldest ones in my class. I think people get older and they just sort of give up.

Not me.

My body is obviously changing and I will just have to change and adapt along with it. I will continue to dye my hair, I will keep my mind active, I will continue to listen to my body and treat it accordingly and I will fight this natural progression tooth and nail.

I’m not ready to get old.

I refuse to get old.

Relationships

Twenty-Six Years of Married Bliss and Counting

Karen

We celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary on May 26th. Actually, we didn’t celebrate it, we were both too busy working to really acknowledge the actual day, but we did go out and eat at Outback Steakhouse the day after our anniversary.

(Side note: We took a  cruise around the Hawaiian Islands last year for our 25th wedding anniversary – no, I haven’t written about that time yet … stop nagging).

And we used half of the gift card that the doctor I work for gave me for Christmas two years ago. (I had actually forgotten I had it. We used half of it so it would give us an excuse to go back a second time – we smart!)

It was a great dinner. I had steak tips and Kevin had a Ribeye, I think. We talked about possibly going somewhere for vacation this year  but I think I have him convinced to just keep it low key this time, stay home, save some money, pay off our homequity loan. This is going to make me sound spoiled, and I guess, since we’re being honest here, I AM spoiled, but I’m burned out on cruises. We’ve taken a cruise for the past seven (?) years straight – I need a break. Let’s stay on land for a bit.

I’m not going to say our marriage is perfect, how nauseating would that be, but we have a pretty great relationship. He spoils me and in exchange, I pretty much let him do anything he wants. Now that he has Roy to hang out with and who never tells him no, (and who worships the ground he walks on), he has a buddy to go do things with – go to garage sales, fix things around the house, projects, go fishing … everything that I hate to do. lol

In return, I get to do what I want to do on the weekends – keep myself company, read, write, take naps, it’s a win-win situation, to be honest.

Our wedding was pretty low key. Since neither one of us belong to a church, I shopped around for churches until I found a really pretty one and we rented it. We paid for our own wedding and we kept it cheap. (Side note: my mom made my dress – isn’t it pretty!?) But we couldn’t justify spending thousands of dollars on something that would last two hours and be over with. We preferred to save our money and spend it on the honeymoon (Cozumel Mexico).

A friend of mine did my makeup and hair, we drank punch out of  fancy paper cups and I wore ballet slippers because I didn’t want to be taller than Kevin. Kevin forgot to wear black socks with his tux so the photographer, (who nearly had a heart attack), had to put my bouquet of flowers in front of him to disguise his white basketball socks when he sat on the pew steps for pictures – good times.

I knew he was the one as soon as I met him. I didn’t think about marriage when I met him, but I knew what I felt for him was different than what I felt for any other guy. He made me laugh, he made me want to be a better person. He was frugal (he was going to school to be an accountant – DREAM MAN), resourceful, smart and sweet.

Our marriage has not been perfect, we’ve had our shares of ups and downs (7-year itch – that was a really tough, unpleasant year and that’s all I’ll say about that), but we grew, we changed, we adapted. I can honestly say we’re not the same people we were when we got married, we’re better.

What’s the secret to our successful marriage? Patience. Respect. Communication. Carving out time for each other. Really, what I’m telling you is nothing new. All of the marriage advice sites you read tips on are right – it’s about listening and appreciating each other and not taking each other for granted though I confess, we do that sometimes.

I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else. I have a very difficult time allowing anyone close to my heart, but I can honestly say that Kevin is near and dear to me and that scares me a bit. I was reading back when he had his motorcycle accident in 2010 and I can’t begin to describe to you the debilitating fear I felt when went to the hospital for the first time and saw him lying there so helpless – he’s the least helpless person I’ve ever known in my life. I think that accident also brought us closer – how can you not be drawn closer to a person when he relies on you to help him poop?

I think people regard marriage as throwaway events nowadays. “Well, if this doesn’t work out, we’ll just get divorced.” I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard people say that and it horrifies me. If you honestly think that, then do yourself, your partner, and any future children a favor, don’t get married. If you’re already looking for ways to get out of a serious commitment before it even begins, there’s your sign – don’t go down that road.

We made a pact, we would never mention the “D” word. And we haven’t, save for that patchy 7-year itch period of time. Any fights we had, we cooled down, we listened to each other, we owned up to our own shortcomings and assumptions and we compromised. You have to be willing to swallow a bitter humility pill once, twice, a hundred times, when you’re married for the long haul.

I found this interesting bit on how to have a successful relationship from Tech Insider. Watch, learn, absorb, practice.

 

Life

Frequent Nosebleeds

Karen

I’ve always had nosebleeds. Ever since I was a kid, I knew that if I blew my nose too hard, or if I picked my nose, (not that I ever did that very often but come on, there were days when there would be a sharp booger poking the inside of your nose and what are you going to do, leave it there all day? Of course not), I would have bloody streaks on the tissue.

(And HELLO, by the way. It’s been months since I had the energy/motivation to write – aren’t you glad my first post in months is about disgusting things like nosebleeds? You’re welcome).

But this year, this year has been different. I think it started … back in February? I started getting nosebleeds daily.

D.A.I.L.Y.

And I’m not talking minor nosebleeds, I’m talking nosebleeds so severe it’s running down my face and I’m gagging on my own blood when I tip my head so far back I feel like I’m cutting off brain activity.

Did they start back in February? Maybe it was March, maybe in reality it was last week, all I know is, I’ve been having them daily for a while now. Well, maybe not daily, but four or five times a week.

It all started when Blake started complaining of nosebleeds. Now Brandon has always had them. He would have them so bad he would wake up and his white pillowcase would be bright red. He would have them so bad, I seriously thought I was going to have to take him to the ER a few times because I couldn’t control the flow.

But I don’t think he’s had them in a while. In fact, I don’t think he’s had any trouble with his allergies or nosebleeds since moving out of the house. He lives in an apartment, away from trees, more specifically, away from the four oak trees in our neighbor’s yard across the street. (He’s HIGHLY allergic to oak).

So Brandon having nosebleeds? Not unusual. Blake having nosebleeds? Weird.

I bought him some moisturizing spray and asked him to use it. He says that does seem to help but he continues to have them from time-to-time.

Me? I started having nosebleeds shortly after Blake told me he was having nosebleeds. Like mother, like son.

Again, not terribly unusual for me. I am prone to them whenever the air is dry and I’ve always had sinus problems. But the nosebleeds I’ve had these past several weeks (months?) have been … disturbing. And more than annoying because they tend to happen when I’m at work. I’ve been lucky so far, the “flows” I’ve had so far have been before clinic started, after clinic finished or off-clinic days. But one day, my nosebleed was so heavy it lasted 20 minutes. And that was the day it was happening so fast I was literally gagging on my own blood.

(TMI? Well, welcome to my blog).

And it’s always my right nostril that bleeds, never my left. Riddle me that one.

I finally figured out one of the reasons it was flowing so fast and heavy – I was taking baby aspirin as well as Excedrin Migraine, which has aspirin in it, because of my headaches. I took the baby aspirin because I was having heart palpitations (turns out they were actually panic attacks) and well, I have thin blood to begin with which translates into watery blood. In fact, my blood was so thin, I was spontaneously bruising. I had these weird bruises show up on my arms and I read somewhere that was a sign your blood was too thin.

I finally wised up and stopped taking aspirin. In any form. And though I still continue to have daily (mostly) nosebleeds, they aren’t lasting twenty minutes, more like five so I know my blood is not as thin because it’s clotting faster.

Now, if I can just figure out why I’m having these nosebleeds. I’m pretty sure they are tied to my sinuses because whenever my sinuses start squeezing and getting tight, I have a nosebleed. I’ve also been using my moisturizing nose spray and taking allergy pills, which seems to help, so that leads me to believe it has something to do with the air, allergies and/or sinuses.

I’ve found the best way to make them stop? Is just to lean over the sink and let the blood drip out and run its course. When the dripping slows down/stops, I stuff a piece of tissue up my nose, tip my head and breathe through my mouth. It stops shortly after that. Pinching my nose just makes it worse. (Though after doing a little big of research, I was pinching the bridge of my nose, not the soft tissue of my nostrils).

So yeah. I guess since I’m no longer menstruating, my body has to bleed some other way. (Just imagine what I’m like having around in real life? If you’re squeamish? Do not approach me).

We have a line of storms heading our way. I wonder if there’s any correlation between barometric pressure and my nosebleeds? I know my sinuses tighten up whenever there’s a change in the weather and there’s an old joke for people who live in Missouri: Don’t like the weather? Give it a minute. And for real, that is what it’s like in Missouri. Our weather is constantly changing.

I did a little research on nosebleeds for anyone out there wondering … and I’d like to add a word of caution: please take what you read on the Internet with a grain of salt. This should be applied to everything you read, but especially to any medical advice you’re seeking. I can say this because I work in the health care field and I can’t tell you the number of patients that come in convinced they have a life-threatening disease because their symptoms matched what they looked up on the Internet. Only a doctor can really diagnose what’s going on with you and if you’re that concerned, then seek your doctor’s advice. Don’t self-diagnose yourself. that will only get you into trouble and scare the bejeebees out of you.

So yeah. I’m dealing with frequent nosebleeds.

I feel like there’s so much to tell you and yet, there’s not. My life is the same day in, day out, but I would like to update you on what’s going on in my life. I’ve really done a piss-poor job of blogging this past year, actually, the past several years, ever since I started working at the hospital, but I will try my best to write more. I WANT to write more. I just have so little energy by the time I get home every night that the thought of using my brain any more just makes me want to cry.

Be patient with me. As I tell the patients I help who are frustrated and discouraged, “hey, life happens. All you can do is find ways to cope with it.”