Love is definitely on my mind.
Why? Because our anniversary is coming up on May 26th.
We’ll have been married for 19 20 30 years.
In some ways, it doesn’t feel like we’ve been together for 22 years (we dated for two years before getting married). In fact, whenever I look at my husband, I still see that clean-shaven baby face that I fell in love with so many years ago.
But at other times, it feels like I’ve been with Kevin my entire life, and then some. We have been through so much together. We’ve grown so much, both as a couple and as individuals.
Our marriage is truly wonderful.
But it wasn’t always that way.
My arrogance nearly destroyed the best thing, and person, that ever happened to me. In essence, I had to readjust my way of thinking; I had to learn to get over myself, quite frankly. I had been brainwashed into believing that females were somehow entitled to whatever they wished – that it was somehow okay to step on and belittle men because God FORBID, they try and control me in any way.
Men existed to hold me back – their evil agenda was to somehow suppress me and turn me into one of those dreaded 50’s-type women.
Pardon me while I roll my eyes and openly snicker – what a bunch of hogwash.
In order to have a truly successful relationship (and I’m talking like I KNOW or something – but all I can tell you is what worked for me), one needs to be willing to take a hard, honest look at oneself and make adjustments.
Because we ALL need to make adjustments.
We’ve become a nation of ME. It’s what I want. It’s how I feel. It’s all about bowing to MY wishes. Is it any wonder that America has these statistics?
The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”
Talk about sobering numbers. And it’s a big reason why I talk to my boys about the importance of being very careful, and very choosy, when it comes to settling on a life partner.
I think too many people enter into a marriage with this thought in the back of their mind:
“Oh well, if it doesn’t work out, then we’ll just get a divorce.”
I’d like to say, if one thinks like that to begin with, perhaps that individual should not get married.
At least to that person.
Look. Marriage is sacred. It’s a promise that you will pledge your life to another individual – and it’s a promise made before God. It will not always be easy, it will not always be fun, but if you can work past the ugly parts, it’s nearly always worth it in the long run.
As you grow older, you change. It’s inevitable. And your spouse will change, that’s a given. The challenge lies in trying to adapt to, exist with, and understand those changes.
Marriage is a selfless act. It’s more give than take. And even though it feels unfair sometimes guess what, life in general is not fair.
Does that mean you should give up on it? No. It just means you work at living it the best way you know how.
It’s so disheartening to watch so many movies, read so many books and even stumble upon websites specifically geared to make marriage into this inconvenience that can be discarded like yesterday’s coffee grounds.
It’s time to stop watching, reading or visiting those warped ideals and renew our minds with positive messages.
And that’s where the Love Dare comes in.
I first learned about the Love Dare quite by accident. I don’t watch a lot of TV, in fact, it’s safe to say that the only TV I watch are the NASCAR races that my husband records.
Which is ANOTHER example of selfless love – HELLO?! NASCAR? Me?? I’ve never liked racing, ever. But I started watching them because I knew it was interesting to my husband and that’s what partners do, they support one another even when it’s not exactly up their alley [like dragging the husband with me shopping], but you know what? I actually ended up ENJOYING watching the races, which really surprised me. It was fun and exciting and now my husband and I are talking about buying tickets to a Kansas City race some time. Woot! Another chance to do something fun – together!
But anyway … back to the TV thing.
Because I don’t watch TV, I rent DVD’s to watch as I walk on the treadmill. And one day, I happened to pick up a movie called “Fireproof.” I had no idea what it was about other than ascertaining that it was about a fireman because of the cover. And the fact that it starred Kirk Cameron, who I haven’t seen since the Growing Pains days.
Curious, I rented it. And I watched it, on the treadmill, and ended up crying so much that I could barely maintain my walking speed.
It truly touched my heart.
“Fireproof” is not your typical movie. In fact, cinematically speaking, it’s set up more like a Lifetime movie than a traditional special effects movie. And it’s Christian based, which means it has strong Christian undertones, which is equally important in having a successful relationship, in my opinion, at least.
Your marriage doesn’t have to be terrible in order to try the Love Dare, everyone is welcome to try it. It never hurts to make a relationship stronger. But if you’re struggling with your marriage, if you’re wondering why you even try or you simply don’t have the energy to try and fight for it anymore – please, won’t you consider trying the Love Dare?
Honestly, isn’t it better than giving up?
(GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED) And that’s where my Love Dare giveaway comes in. Beginning Sunday, May 17th, I’d like to post the first 10 challenges (one challenge a day for 10 days) from the Love Dare book for you to sample and even try, if you’re brave enough (why yes, that IS a challenge!!).
And I’d like to giveaway one (possibly two, depending on demand) Love Dare book and one Fireproof DVD in the process.
All you have to do is comment on the current day’s challenge. That’s it. And if you actually TRY it, then your comment will be worth two tickets instead of one.
I’m doing this because I truly believe in the message behind the challenge and the movie. It’s time we shifted our focus, renewed our minds and worked toward healing our marriages – not ending them.
I hope you’ll consider joining me. I too will be trying these challenges out on my husband and I’ll let you know my results.
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Remember: May 17th. Mark it on your calendars. That’s the day you take a proactive approach to making your marriage better.
1. Bath and Body Works lotion basket – this includes: basket, Shower Gel, Body Lotion and Fragrance Mist, 3 oz. each, and a gauze sponge. Winner’s choice of the following fragrances: Enchanted Orchid, Sea Island Cotton, Japanese Cherry Blossom, Sweet Pea, Warm Vanilla Sugar.
2. Marley & Me – paperback book. 
3. Twilight – paperback book. 
4. Chicken Soup for the Soul. Winners’ choice from one of the following: Mother, Mother / Daughter, Mother / Son, Special Needs Child.
Reminder: 
These guys? Are my sons and are responsible for most of my blog fodder. The oldest, GD, short for Game Dude because Dude, he’s a hard-core gamer, is 16 going on 30. MK, or Mushroom King for short, is my youngest son and he is nuts for everything to do with Mario. He’ll be 14 in just five short days. Having teenage boys is a lot easier than having teenage girls (I guess), but it definitely comes with a different set of challenges. 
Me and my husband, Kevin. We’ve been married for 18 years and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He’s my best friend, my lover, my confidante, and my sugar daddy (don’t worry, he thinks that label is sexy). Kevin is a CPA during the day and a super sexy guitar player at night. We love hanging out together and we’re one of those annoying couples who finish each other’s sentences … I know. Sorry. *grin*
Write From Karen 
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