Dear Future Me

Here it is, December 2020 – another year older, another year gone.

Why does this keep happening?

Why can’t some really smart person come along and stop time? Just for a while. Maybe stop it for about … two years? Two years of borrowed time. Two years where we don’t age and we have enough time to really enjoy every moment. That’s not too much to ask, right? Two years. Such a small number in the grand scheme of things. Time is my enemy. It seems to go by faster and faster. Why is that? Did I make you mad, Father Time? Is that it? Is it because I’ve been so lazy this past year that you’ve decided to speed time up to punish me?

Fine. I give. Uncle. Please stop. It’s not fair to me or my family that you’re taking your frustrations out on me. Slow it down. I will behave and do better this year.

At least, I’ll try.

So. When you read this, it will be December 2021. I pray to GOD you lived a much better year. Please tell me the stupid pandemic is over.

I beg you.

Here’s what I expect from you this year, Future me.

You need to figure out a way to stop being so tired ALL. THE. FREAKING. TIME. I don’t care how you achieve this goal, just figure out how to stop being so tired so that you have the energy to get more writing done. Short of doing something illegal? Make it happen.
Stop watching so much YouTube. Seriously man, you have a problem. You watched way too much YouTube in 2020 and it’s got to stop. I know you find people fascinating. But I think this interest has morphed into an obsession and dude, you’re too old for an obsession.
Which leads me into my next point – manage your time more wisely. I expect you to use your time more wisely. And sitting and watching YouTube videos for hours on end is NOT PRODUCTIVE. (Well, it’s sort of productive as that provides blog and podcast fodder, but still!)
Please tell me you participated in Camp NaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo, right?? Please tell me you did that because what sort of writer are you if you don’t write? And blog posts don’t count. I mean, they count because technically it is writing, but it’s not the only type of writing I want you to do. Come on man, you know that. Stop trying to pretend there is not an elephant in the room. (The elephant being your growing guilt because you haven’t been writing, in case you didn’t understand what I was talking about. Hey. You’re another year older, I can’t assume you still have your mind. Please still have your mind …)
For the love of God, man, spend more time with your parents. If you didn’t spend more time with your parents in 2021 I’m going to be sorely disappointed in you. Your parents aren’t getting any younger, you need to spend more time with them. (Refer back to #2).
You went on vacation. Come ON. The pandemic has to end, right. RIGHT?! Please tell me that you and Kevin went on that cruise that you weren’t able to take in 2020 for obvious reasons. Or that you took a long weekend and went to Florida. Or that you actually talked Kevin into renting that cabin on the ranch in Montana and that you got the chance to drive through, and hike some trails, in Yellowstone National Park. I need you to be more adventurous. You need to go places so you can take cool pictures and post them on Instagram. Your fans are waiting! Don’t make them wait, it’s rude.
Your body better be toned because we made a deal at the end of 2020 to start walking again. And now that the holidays are over, it’s time to get back on the treadmill. You even ordered wireless earbuds so there’s no excuse!
You finished that oil painting, right? It better be hanging up in your office by the time you read this. (You and I both know I’m talking about the paint-by-number Paris scene you bought. Cause we both know you don’t suddenly develop artistic talent this next year. Paint-by-number is about as close as you’re going to get to being a painter – be real).
How is that calligraphy coming along? Have you even practiced? I expect you to at least have the fundamentals of calligraphy down by December 2021.
And lastly – what is your doctor’s name? Because I’m SURE you will have obtained a family doctor by next year. You’ve been putting this task off for years and it’s time you practice what you preach. You can’t expect the boys to make an effort to get a family doctor if you don’t have one. Don’t be a tool, Karen.
What is the political climate like? I bet things are worse. Especially if Biden gets into office. I hope that’s not true but I’m guessing we’re working harder and getting less money.
How much longer did the lockdowns happen?
Do the boys have girlfriends?
Are you still working at the hospital?

Listen Future Me, I know 2020 was rough. It was sad, depressing, frustrating and unbelievable but 2021 will be better, so make the most of it. (Please tell me 2021 is better???)

XOXO