Work Stuff

Dream Job? To Be Determined …

Karen

I’m no longer a medical assistant.

Is anyone shocked? Certainly not me.

So, here’s what happened –

I was very happy in the Spine Care Clinic. I worked with Emily, the most awesome nurse practitioner you’ll ever meet, I was back to scheduling patients for testing and was rooming fewer people, which I loved. So, why the change?

It was actually an accident.

A friend at work got a new job, a work-from-home job. I’ve always been interested in that option, let’s be honest, I feel like MOST people are interested in that option, so, out of curiosity, I picked her brain. I said, “Yo, Carrie, tell me about your new job.”

(Yes, I said it just like that because I like to pretend I’m hip and cool to keep up with youngsters).

And she told me. It was for the precertification department – this department is responsible for making sure diagnostic testing: MRI’s, CT’s, Ultrasounds, Echocardiograms, surgeries, have been run through the patient’s insurance and the insurance either approves, or denies, the requests. And the job is 100% from home, though, if you lost Internet/power, they will expect you to go into the office, which is fair.

(Which has already happened to me once. Our entire neighborhood lost Internet so I had to go into the office for a few hours until it came back on. It was really awkward because I had to find a cubicle that wasn’t being used and it was so quiet that I was too embarrassed to make any phone calls because everyone would be able to hear me. Don’t recommend and hopefully, don’t have to do that again any time soon).

I was intrigued. One, because it would be cool to work from home and Two, I’ve done this kind of job before waaaay back when I was a scheduler so I knew what it entailed.

And then Carrie told me there were looking to hire more people. I sat on the information for a bit, weighing my pros and cons and thought to myself, “Self – why not give it a shot?”

But I didn’t think I had a chance for two reasons:

  1. I have crossed paths with the supervisor in the past and let’s just say, I was my usual obnoxious self. It was back when the precertification department was just starting out and I was asked for my “professional” opinion and by gosh, I gave it. Pro tip: if you don’t want to know my opinion, don’t ask for it.
  2. I didn’t think there was any way they would match what I’m currently making. I’m already almost to the top of my pay tier and … I just didn’t think they would match and I was certainly not going to take a pay cut just to work from home.

But I was curious. How did this work? How did they keep track of productivity? So I said screw it and applied. I thought, “what could it hurt? They probably won’t even call me.”

They called me.

And I interviewed.

And not to be a jerk, but it was the most informal interview I’ve ever been on. Not because the women who interviewed me, (which, by the way, that one supervisor I’ve crossed paths with was one of the women), but because I just didn’t take it seriously because I was convinced it just wasn’t going to work out. They asked me the usual crazy interview questions, but one really stuck out, “tell me a time you received negative feedback and how did you handle it.”

I hate these questions but I totally get why they ask them.

So, once again, I was honest. What do I have to lose, remember?

“This is going to sound weird,” I said, “but I never really receive negative feedback.” Their eyebrows rose and I thought, “well, that sealed the deal, I’m not getting the job.”

Then we got to the part where they asked if I had any questions. I smiled, nodded, and pulled my list out of my purse. It was a literal list. Their eyebrows rose again and one of the supervisors laughed and said, “Oh, she has a list.”

I asked my questions. They didn’t really answer them to my satisfaction but that’s okay, I got the gist.

The whole interview, I smiled, put on my professional face and jumped through the necessary hoops thinking to myself, “I really hope this supervisor doesn’t remember me.”

She remembered me.

As the interview was wrapping up, she said, “it was nice to see you again, Karen.”

Gah.

I left thinking, “welp, I’m not getting the job but at least I practiced on my interviewing skills.” Not exactly a win, but certainly not a loss.

I went home and enjoyed my evening.

The next day, I received a call from the hospital, a generic number, and I NEVER answer my phone if I don’t know who is calling. If you want to reach me, leave a message. If it’s not important enough to leave a message, I’m not interested.

They left a message.

It was from human resources and they were congratulating me on getting the job and on my transfer.

TRANSFER?!

I called them back. They were not only offering me the job but they were going to match my pay and I would get to keep my benefits.

Well crap.

I was shocked. I honestly didn’t think I had a chance. And I honestly didn’t think they would pay me the same amount. And then I got angry because I was a medical assistant and they were willing to pay me the same amount to work from home and deal with insurance all day!?

Call me crazy, but it just didn’t sit right with me. I know there has been a lot of talk about the hospital not really valuing their medical assistants but this just hammered the point home. I had also heard that medical secretaries and registration people made more than medical assistants, too, and I can now confirm that.

It was an eye opener and I’m not gonna lie, I was disappointed in the hospital. No wonder they can’t keep medical assistants! It’s a hard job because you’re literally in the middle of everything – you’re trying to do what your providers want, be a friendly face for the patients and be a helpmate to your nurses. You’re pulled in all different directions and for what? Less pay than a desk job? No offense to desk jobs … but … wow.

I agonized over taking the job. Coincidentally, we went on vacation shortly after getting the call so I had some time to think it over. I did speak with E, my awesome nurse practitioner, about the opportunity so she knew I was thinking about leaving. Kevin and I drove to the beach the next week and camped, (I’ll try and write about that in a later post – so much to catch up on!), and I sat on the beach, stared at the water and grappled with my conscience – should I take the leap into something new and challenging? Or stay with something I knew, inside and out, was very good at but was bored with.

I made a list of pros and cons and talked Kevin’s head off to where he finally just said, “make a decision, already!” lol

The ONLY reason I would stay was because of my nurse practitioner. She has struggled to get a good crew and now that she finally had a good crew, I was thinking about leaving. I HATED to do that to her because as I’ve mentioned several thousand times, I adore her and think she is one of the best people I’ve ever known in my life.

And I’m old – that’s A LOT of people.

But ultimately, I had to do what was best for me. And I was bored. I was ready for a new challenge and I’m quite sick of dealing with the public. I’ve done it my entire life, I was ready to have a more relaxed work life. Something with a little flexibility. What if – hear me out – I could work it out that I could work on the road? We could take camping trips, months at a time! Kevin is weeks away from retiring so he would be free to make that leap … it’s a wild idea and we would have to set up mobile StarLink for the Internet connection, which is expensive but not impossible. It’s a pipe dream but who knows! I’m definitely not saying it’s impossible.

So, when I returned to work after our vacation, I put my notice in. The hospital told me that it was tradition for medical assistants and nurses to give four weeks notice so, I made the leap; I was down to my last four weeks of being a medical assistant.

That was a difficult conversation to have with E, I may have cried a little bit, but I just knew if I didn’t do it I would regret it and who knows if this opportunity would come back around.

My new supervisor started the ball rolling about obtaining permission to work from home and the IT department soon contacted me and I picked up my computer, two monitors, a mouse, keyboard, headset and webcam. I brought it all home and Kevin “helped” me set it up, (i.e. he did everything) – I was ready to go! I just had to complete my time with neurosurgery and I would begin!

It was SO FREEING to know that I wouldn’t have to deal with the office drama, the strong personalities and the whining patients anymore. I was closing one chapter and opening another. I’m predicting this will be my last job before I retire in five-ish years and I could not be happier.

I’ve been doing my new job for about one month now and I’m bored out of my mind. I don’t have any regrets leaving the clinic, I’m still very happy that I don’t have to deal with office drama and whining patients, but they haven’t assigned me a group to take care of and I’m soooo bored.

So how this is set up is as follows: there are groups of people who take care of MRI’s, CT’s, Ultrasounds, ECHO’s and Surgeries. And within each of these groups you have one person who takes care of the A-D’s, the next person the D-M’s, and so forth. We call them “alpha” groups and this helps divvy up the duties so there’s never too much work for one person. And since I’ve done this job before, my “training” period was mediocre at best because quite honestly, I pretty much know how to do the job already, I just needed to makes accounts at various insurance companies so I could sign on and DO the work.

Once that was done, I had nothing to do because I wasn’t assigned a group. I wasn’t too surprised by this, though, because when I spoke with my new supervisor after accepting the job she mentioned that they wanted me to be part of a group called the UAT. This stands for Urgent Action Team. This team takes care of stat and urgent requests so it’s fast paced and can be a little stressful.

Perfect.

However. There is an outside group that has been contracted by the hospital currently doing the job so that leaves me … where, exactly?

This group’s contract expires in February – FEBRUARY! I’m going to be dead from boredom by February so in the meantime, I’ve been asked to “help” out. Which I take to mean, steal work from other people’s alphas, which I’ve been doing and feeling pretty guilty about, quite honestly. But what choice do I have?? And I need the practice because when we take over the UAT team, I will need to work fast and have all of my resources at my fingertips. I’ve been lurking and watching how the current UAT works their messages. (we call them flags) but I’m itching to roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty.

A girl that works in MRI’s had to take off a days to attend a funeral and she sent out a blast asking if anyone could help.

I had to count to ten before I replied with, “I can help!” I didn’t want to appear too eager but I’M EAGER. So these past few days have been awesome because I have purpose! And it’s been fun juggling the work load – I get to prioritize – I’m such a geek. But when she comes back, I’ll be back to following the pack and scrambling for crumbs, (like a rodent). *sigh* We’re supposed to have a meeting soon and I hope it helps gives us direction while we’re waiting for the current team to take a hike. They hired another girl for our team but she doesn’t start until the end of December so that sort of tells me they don’t really have anything for us to do until at LEAST that time period.

Shoot me.

I just need to chill and enjoy this calm before the storm because once we get going, I will be wishing for some down time, I’m sure. But until then, I’M BORED.

They are holding an End-of-Year party on December 14th and this will be a chance for us all to get together and put a face with a name. It’s sort of weird to work with a large group of virtual people, (there are about 75 of us). We use Microsoft Teams to communicate with one another and I do have a phone number through a phone company at the hospital via my computer that I use my headset for. It actually works pretty well and I’ve been impressed.

I am planning on going to the party at this point in time but honestly, it sort of depends on how I feel closer to the party. It’s a drop in/out casual sort of party which is exactly up my alley but it would be cool to meet my future team mates face-to-face.

It’s also exciting to be a part of something new and different and to get in on the project from the ground floor. I think the UAT will be a good fit for me and my personality … I’m just eager to get started!

So that’s it. That’s what’s new in my working life. I stay home everyday and though it is a bit lonely, overall, I LOVE it.

I’ve talked your ear off long enough.

I hope you have a great day and tell me, what is new in your life?

Reflections

October 2023 Reflections

Karen

(My Reflections posts are more stream-of-consciousness kind of posts so I apologize up front if some of what you read doesn’t make sense. But this is me we’re talking about here so … are you really surprised?)

October 1:

Trying to recover from our trip to Florida. That was a lot of driving. But that’s always how it works with me. It takes me a few days after coming off my adrenaline high to fully recover from stuff like this. I did go for a walk at the school, though. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing – I was pretty wiped out the rest of the day. But I got my 10,000 steps in today so I’m choosing to focus on the good. I’m pretty proud of myself for keeping on top of my walking – we’ll see how long I can go before getting burned out. Finished my typical chores – laundry, bathrooms, floors. Listened to the World Jigsaw Puzzling Championship on my phone while I worked on my latest diamond painting. (Harry Potter).

October 2:

The day has arrived. Do I turn in my resignation or do I continue doing what I’m comfortable and confident doing? I’ve had a week to mull it over … and over … and over… I finally threw my hands up and cried uncle – I turned it in to my manager. Quite frankly, I’m sick of thinking about it. I am spending more time and energy thinking of reasons why I SHOULD’T do it as opposed to why I should and I think that’s my answer right there. As mom said, if I don’t try it I will probably kick myself later for it. And it’s not a permanent solution – if I hate it, then I’ll find something else. It’s time for a change. I just “celebrated”, (I use that term loosely), my 12th year with this clinic, I think it’s time for a change. You can read more about today here. All I can say is that now that it’s done, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel … light. That’s got to be a good sign, right??

October 3:

The dynamic is already shifting. Conversations are being held in front of me without including me. It’s weird and sad. Though, of course, I totally get it. My co-workers have to come up with a plan on how to fill the (substantial – ha!) hole I will be creating when I leave. My manager has already posted my position, which he should, but still … weird and sad. Another one of my co-workers came up because she heard a rumor to ask if it was true. I told her it was true, I’m leaving. Though she says she won’t say anything, come on, OF COURSE she’s going to say something. I have yet to send out notice to the clinic. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Sending out a notice feels so FINAL. And I’m nervous about this new job falling through though I’ve got emails and I’ve signed documents to make it happen, it just doesn’t FEEL real yet. I can already feel myself pulling away, not being as committed to my job as I once was. We’re in this awkward stage now and I just want it to be over, quite frankly. Ten more days to go!

October 4:

Walked in to new phones today. It was absolute chaos trying to figure them out. And then the voicemail didn’t work so we’re scrambling to get help from the tech people to fix that aspect of it. Overall, I like the new phones. We have the ability to silence the rings and the ring itself is a lot less obnoxious. Picked up my computer equipment for my new job today. I picked up two monitors, the computer, a headset, a webcam, mouse … now I have to clean off my very messy desk to make room for all of this! But this is the first time I feel like this new job change is going to happen … not sure how I feel about it, quite honestly.

October 5:

I can feel myself checking out. I sent out a notice that I was leaving so now everyone knows. Now that everyone knows, I’m ready to MOVE ON. They have a replacement already lined up and she will hang out with us next week. I’m trying really hard not to mentally tap out but it’s getting harder and harder to stay present and just … care, I guess. Thank goodness we are going to Arkansas next weekend. Eat up more time before I can leave and start my new adventure. Cleaned off my desk tonight. It was a disaster but now we can plan on how to set up my new equipment.

October 7:

Met mom at the craft fair today. I arrived at Noon but didn’t actually get to mom until 12:45. The placed was PACKED. Absolutely no place to park so I ended up parking about 1/2 mile away and walking back to the event. It’s been a BEAUTIFUL weekend though so it was a nice walk, to be honest. Temps were cool enough for a jacket and not a cloud in the sky. I can see why so many people showed up. I took mom Chick-Fil-A for lunch and we gobbled it down in between customers. My mom has made BANK on her booth and is nearly sold out of merchandise. My mom doesn’t do craft fairs for the money, though making her money back on supplies is good, but she truly loves crafting and gets a lot of enjoyment out of it so she would make her crafts regardless of whether she could sell it – she would just end up giving it away. I was amazed at the number of people that remember her from years past and mom told me she’s been doing that particular craft fair since 2012. What?!? I had no idea. And that makes me feel guilty that I didn’t know that about my own mother. Where have I been?! I sat with her the rest of the afternoon and left at 4:30, (she took a quick pee break and I was scared someone would want to buy something while she was gone. And not because I couldn’t handle it, of course I can handle it, but I would have to be ON, have to put on public persona, which doesn’t come naturally but it’s something I can, and do, every day. I just wasn’t in the mood to put it on that day. Mom is in her element though and she LOVES people, she’s extroverted, and she truly loves doing the craft shows and really, that’s all that matters.

October 8:

Got my Sunday chores done and then headed up to the craft show to sit with mom. Once the show closed at 4:00, I helped her pack things up in her truck and we had everything broken down and packed by 5:00 PM. Hopefully, she won’t try and unload her truck tonight and get some rest. She didn’t sleep very good last night so I know she must be exhausted. She made a lot of money, even more than last year, so she was pretty happy with that. Customers really seemed to like her crafts – and why wouldn’t they? She makes some really cute stuff. She went ahead and signed up for next year’s craft show, too. She has been doing this craft show for so long that she knows a few people and I cringed when they said they were signing up but who knows if they would actually be alive to participate next year. I know what they are saying is factually correct, no one knows if they will live to see tomorrow, but still, it made me uncomfortable and sad. Kevin wasn’t here when I got home – he is over at his folks’ house. His parents have been sick and his dad hasn’t been eating. Kevin said he was unresponsive at one point and his blood sugars are high. He hasn’t eaten much in the past few days due to being sick and that is likely the reason his blood sugars are up. I don’t know what they are going to do but they may have to take him to the hospital if they can’t get him to eat anything. Worried.

October 9:

Today is my parents’ anniversary. Mom is very sad and that’s all I’ll say about that. I gave up my desk and my keys today. The new girl has a new desk now and I’ve been delegated to the corner. I feel so … disjointed and displaced. I have six more days to go before my last day and honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll be training the new girl, of course, but I’ve sent out emails asking people to redirect where they send messages so I can hopefully leave with nothing on my desktop. I feel sad but mostly, I’m just ready to move on. Now that I’ve made the decision, I’m anxious to move forward. Kevin’s dad went to a holistic doctor today and received fluids, vitamins, antibiotics, and Ivermectin. Hopefully, that will make him feel better; I’m sure his body is thanking him right about now.

October 11:

Kevin’s dad is not doing well. He is refusing to eat/drink and his blood sugar is 300. It’s not looking good. Kevin and his sister decided that they needed to take him to the ER so they called an ambulance. I met Kevin near the cafeteria since he couldn’t find a parking spot and showed him where the ER was. I didn’t stay, Kevin’s dad could only have two visitors at a time, but they did all sorts of tests on him and they think he might have had a stroke. They are admitting him and will give him fluids and some antibiotics to try and help him get over COVID. We’ll likely know more tomorrow. We canceled our camping trip.

October 15:

Kevin’s dad is still in the hospital. They’ve done an EEG, an MRI and a lumbar puncture (LP). The EEG came back abnormal but the report said that it was most likely due to the fact that he hasn’t eaten for nearly a week. The MRI also came back pretty normal, given his age, and it confirmed that he had not had a stroke, which is what everyone was thinking. The LP results have not come back yet, he had that test late yesterday so we’re still waiting to hear what that shows. Kevin’s dad has been very stubborn and has fought hospital staff every step of this way. We’re not sure if he’s trying to tell everyone that he doesn’t want to be there, (who WANTS to be in the hospital), or if he’s not aware he’s even being combative. He’s still non-verbal though he seems a bit more cognizant than he was when they admitted him. He continues to rip out his IV”s so they have had to put mittens on him to prevent him from doing that. Not ideal, but they can’t help him if he doesn’t allow them to help him. Kevin has been picking his mother up at at 7:00 AM and taking her up to the hospital. He’s been up there with her all day for the past two days. His dad seems to really respond to Kevin and he’s been able to help his dad eat a few bites. His blood sugars have come back down, which is a good sign. His dad is not mobile and hasn’t left his bed in about a week so if/when he gets up, he is going to be very weak. My biggest concern at this stage is what they are going to decide to do with him once he’s discharged. His mother is not physically capable of taking care of him by herself.

October 16:

Been home all day. We were supposed to be in Arkansas looking for diamonds but we canceled the trip due to Kevin’s dad. I checked my work email and the Teams messages – I’m looking forward to being taken off these lists. I’m so ready to move on. I worked on my office today, organizing things and getting a game plan for my new work shift. I plan on walking 3000 steps before I start the day, then walking to about 8000 at lunch. My goal is to get 10,000 steps each work day. Kevin’s dad’s health has gone backwards. They did another brain scan on him and he wasn’t cooperating so they gave him an antipsychotic to help him relax, I suppose, and Kevin said he was talking gibberish today. They told the hospital staff that he’s not to have any more medication. I just don’t understand why healthcare goes from zero to 90 in seconds flat. As opposed to giving Kevin’s dad a sedative to get him through the procedure, they jump right to a powerful antipsychotic drug. Disappointing and scary. It also proves that if you have a loved one in the hospital, they need someone to look after them. You can’t fully trust the staff to keep things straight. I hate to say it, but it’s true.

October 18:

Good news! Kevin’s dad is awake and responding! He’s not able to talk very clearly, but he’s aware of what is going on around him and he’s asking for milk. An Occupational Therapist got him to sit up and stand up a few seconds today so we’re making progress! Kevin and his sisters agonized over whether to place a feeding tube as he’s still not getting much nutrition and they placed that today. They had to wrap Kevin’s dad’s hands into “mittens” so he wouldn’t yank it out, but we’ll see how he responds to that in a few days. They are looking for nursing facilities to take him as Kevin’s mom simply can’t take care of him by herself. This is the first ray of hope we’ve had in a week. I went to see him after work today and his color looks better. He’s back on his regular medication as we think that may have been one reason he went downhill so fast – there is a certain medication that you have to wean off, you can’t stop cold turkey, and when he got sick and stopped eating and taking his medications, we’re thinking now that threw him into a spiral because he was going through withdrawals. The family is hopeful and we’ll see how this shakes out in the next week. I’m bored out of my mind. Today was my first day back after my “vacation”, (we had to cancel due to Kevin’s dad), and I got a taste of what it will be like – and I’m READY. I have three more days of being an MA and then I can move on to my new job. I’m practically itching to get out. I’m not even sad – I’m just READY.

October 19:

Heard from my supervisor today. I’m going into the office Monday and will train with a team lead. Since I’m already familiar with getting around the programs, we’re going to reassess and see if I can start working from home on Tuesday – it really depends on how it goes Monday. They are going to assign me to a new group they haven’t even revealed to anyone yet – some sort of Urgent Team – and I’m really excited about that. I THRIVE on multitasking – it challenges my brain and I’m really good at it. Until this group gets up and running, I will be working on getting MRI’s approved. So. This tells me that I need to get all of my ducks in a row and make sure I have all of my resources at my fingertips because if I’m going to be called upon to work urgent cases, I’ll need to move fast. I am so excited to start!! I feel like Emily has been cranky. I think part of it is because I’m leaving, or perhaps I’m just telling myself that because it makes me feel important. I’m trying not to be too excited to leave around my co-workers but they all know that I’M READY. Looking seriously at the Kindle Vella project again. I think I might turn my focus on writing for that project and see what happens. I’m not doing it for the money but rather, I’m curious to see how people would react to my creative writing. More on that soon .. I hope. Depends on how much time this new job really takes.

October 20:

Today marks the end of an era. Today was my last day with the neurosurgery clinic. It was uneventful, which was perfect. I didn’t want any sort of going away party or any sort of attention, really. I said my goodbyes to the people I worked with on the 7th floor for the majority of my career and with that duty done, I could focus on the gals I’ve gotten close to this past year. I’m going to miss them. They are good people and I’ve gotten close to Melissa and Emily this past year. The new girl, my replacement, who is awesome and I think will do a good job, made some soup and someone else brought in Buffalo dip and a veggie tray. We all had lunch together and then we had cookie cake. The rest of the day, I completed some loose ends, packed up the rest of my stuff and then I left about an hour early. Walking my route back to my car was .. surreal. It was the last time I would walk that route. I will never be back in the clinic setting. Heck, I never wanted to be in a clinical setting to begin with so I think doing this job for 12 years was enough. I was sad, but mostly excited. I’m ready to move on. It’s funny, but if I hadn’t applied for this new job I would still be happy to continue doing what I was doing. But now that I made the jump, I’m wondering why I didn’t make the jump sooner. It just goes to show that you can get some caught up in a rut that you don’t allow yourself to see what is on the other side of that rut. I go into the office on Monday to be shown the ropes but my supervisor seems to think I should be able to start working from home on Tuesday so I’m assuming that means there isn’t a whole lot of new that I need to learn. I’m feeling nervous, excited and relieved, quite frankly, that I don’t have to deal with patients anymore. It’s exhausting.

October 22:

Mom came over on Saturday. We grabbed some lunch at McAllister’s and came back to my house and watched a few episodes of Survivor – we’re on season three and THANK GOD Lindsay was voted off. Sniffling brat. Then we chatted and caught up on what happened the past two weeks, (we haven’t seen each other for a few weeks), and worked on crafts. I worked on yet another diamond painting, (I’ve been obsessed – it’s so relaxing!) and mom worked on some cute plastic canvas snowmen that she will put a fake votive candle in and sell at her Christmas booth in December. Once she left, Kevin’s dad’s progress went downhill fast. He started hallucinating, took his clothes off and fought the nurses. He had to have a sitter the rest of the night and the next day because he couldn’t be trusted to be by himself. They ended up putting a PICC line in because he ripped out yet another IV and he simply didn’t have any veins left to tap into. He is also still wearing mittens. The family is honestly not sure what to do with him and this just proved that he can’t be trusted to go home and under the care of Kevin’s mom as now we can’t trust him not to hurt her. He wouldn’t do it on purpose but unfortunately, his mental clarity is, well, not clear. The doctors want to keep him on the feeding tube a few more days, he’s still not eating unless someone makes him, and if he doesn’t improve, they will likely put a PEG tube in and discharge him to a nursing facility. This whole thing has been a nightmare for the family an there are no clear-cut answers to what to do next. Kevin’s dad has moments of clarity and he’s talking, though it’s hard to understand the gibberish, but he seems to know what is happening though he doesn’t seem to know that he’s in the hospital, or he’s simply in denial, again, we just can’t tell. The family is exhausted and a decision will have to be made soon.

October 24:

First two days of my new job are done. I went into the office yesterday and as to be expected, it was super awkward because I didn’t know anything nor anyone. It’s so disconcerting to go from a job that you know everything to a job where you know nothing. Though, that’s not entirely true – I did a bit of this job when I first became a scheduler so I know the basics. And it helps that I know the system and quite a bit about insurances. The girl that is training me is very nice but is so slow. Maybe she’s going slow because she doesn’t want to overwhelm me, (not going to happen at this point) or maybe she’s just a slow thinker/talker, but I was pretty bored my first day. But to be fair, training is boring for all parties – I’m sure she was just as bored. To make matters worse, I pulled a muscle in my back, (who knows), so I was quite uncomfortable all day and since we sat all day, I was QUITE uncomfortable all day. But the pain kept me awake, so there’s that. I spent the day setting up accounts with various insurance companies and learning work flow. Today, I got to stay home and my trainer showed me the ropes on Microsoft Teams. It was AWESOME to stay home and do that. We started at 7:00 and quit at 3:30. We’re doing that again, tomorrow. I would like to go ahead and do a few of the precertification requests and she watch me because I feel like I’m ready, but I don’t know what else they have planned for me so I’ll be a good girl and keep my mouth shut. But I’m READY.

October 28:

What a week. It went well and I’m already working on some precertification cases on my own, which I think is pretty good four days in to my training, but it was an intense week of concentrating and focusing on the process. Let’s be honest, most people do not know how to train other people. Trainers assume, unconsciously, that you know what terms are, that you know what type of work you’ve been hired to do … to see the roadmap to a work conclusion. And I can assure you, new people do NOT see, nor think, that way. I would like to think I’m a good trainer: introducing the basics and explaining the WHYS behind the things we do, but most people do not approach training that way so it’s a race to find patterns and to figure things out for yourself. Reading the fine print and in between the lines. So, it was a mentally taxing week and I was exhausted and fell into a deep sleep last night. But I’m making progress. I’m a little nervous about next week because my trainer is taking some days off and I’m basically on my own. Sure, I have a person to go with questions, but let’s be honest, this go-to person most likely does not have desire, nor the inclination, to really go in depth with me so once again, I will be reading the fine print and in between the lines. That’s okay, I’m a fast learner. But it was fun to work from home and I think I’m going to enjoy it, but I was already getting cabin fever by Wednesday. I’ll write more about my work-from-home experience at some point. My father-in-law (FIL) is home and comfortable. They moved a hospital bed into his bedroom and they set up Hospice to come out a few times a week to bathe him and help make him comfortable. The boys and I met my husband over at his house last night for pizza and it was a great visit. My FIL really perked up and actually ate more than he’s eaten in the past two weeks, COMBINED. Going through this experience is humbling and really makes you think about mortality in general.

October 31:

Happy Halloween! Bah humbug. I am neutral when it comes to Halloween though I lean more on the side of, “WHY??” A night to dress up like an idiot and scare people? I’m out. We won’t be turning our porch light on tonight – we haven’t participated in Halloween in years and the last time I dressed up was when I was in clinic with my doctor, at the time, and I was peer pressured into participating. Okay, that’s a bit harsh, I actually had fun but unless I’m MADE to participate, I’m not interested in Halloween. My trainer has been out this week so it’s just been me, myself and I. She gave me plenty to do and I’ve actually been pretty successful in getting some diagnostic testing approved. It’s slow going, but I’m getting the hang of it and I’m already bored. HA! It will be the same thing, over and over again, but it is interesting to do a little research, get some medical background so that I can submit the request through the patient’s insurance company. I’m working on getting MRI’s approved, for now. I think they started me on the easiest group, to cut my teeth on the process, so to speak, so we’ll see what group they finally assign me. I’m hoping to have a more permanent home and a team of people by the end of this week or next week. FIL has been sitting up and eating a bit. Still not like he needs to and he has moments where he hallucinates and calls people by the wrong name, but he’s home, comfortable and things are starting to settle down for Kevin’s family. They have Hospice come out a few times a week to monitor him and clean him up a bit. I do worry about my MIL, though, as she’s really not getting any sleep and I think it’s making her delirious.

And that, folks, was my October.

Tell me what’s going on in your life?

Thanks for reading!

At the Moment

Death Do Us Part

Karen

Death is odd, isn’t it?

One minute you’re present and then the next, you’re not. Your body is still there but the essence of YOU, your breath life, the life that God breathed into you when you were born, is gone.

We all know death is part of life – it’s a given. It’s guaranteed that you and I will die at some point in the future. The bigger question, in my opinion, is what happens after we die?

But that’s a post for another day.

I’ve been very blessed in my life. I never had to deal with the grief of losing someone close to me. Of course I’ve been to funerals and of course I have felt sadness but I was more of an outsider looking in – my heart wasn’t really IMPACTED very much.

And then, my father died.

It was sudden and very unexpected. He woke up on March 24, 2023, had a nice long chat with my mother, then went for a bike ride around the block. He came back home, told mom he was back from his ride, sat down in his chair and died in his sleep.

Before any of you think it, no, he wasn’t vaccinated. No, he wasn’t sick. He was a very healthy 78-year old man who was active and seemingly in good health. This was why it was so shocking – it came out of left field. NONE of us expected it and NO ONE saw it coming.

All we can do is speculate as to what actually happened. He had fallen off his bike the week prior to his death and he said he thought he might have blacked out for a bit. A few friendly by-standers followed him home that day to make sure he made it okay. Dad said he hadn’t bumped his head, but … we’ll never know for sure.

Was it a blood clot from that accident? A slow brain bleed, perhaps? I work in neurosurgery, I know, firsthand, what a brain bleed can do to people if left untreated. It’s sneaky and if you ever fall and hit your head, it’s ALWAYS a good idea to go to the hospital and get checked out.

But dad told mom he hadn’t hit his head so there were no red flags.

He routinely drank caffeinated coffee. He was active and rode his bike regularly. Did he overwork his heart? Did his heart simply stop?

He was borderline diabetic. He wasn’t on any medications for it because he controlled it by watching what he ate. Could his blood sugars have been too high for too long and it stressed his heart out?

He never complained of feeling sick. He commented to my mom that he was tired but who isn’t? He was also a 78-year old man who rode his bike around – maybe he was simply tired from being more active than your typical 78-year old man.

These questions will never be answered. We will never know what really happened to him. And the not knowing is almost harder than dealing with his death. There is no closure; it’s a mystery.

Mom went to wake him up to ask what he wanted to dinner. When he didn’t respond and she reached out to touch him, she knew – he had slipped away.

She called 911 and they advised her to get him out of the chair and onto the floor and walked her through how to do chest compressions. The ambulance arrived shortly after and they escorted her to the kitchen and took over CPR. They called it shortly after that.

They were estimating that he had died shortly after he sat down in his chair after his bike ride – two hours previously.

We’re a family that texts. We don’t really call each other. So when my phone rang at 7:42 PM and I saw that it was mom calling, I knew something was wrong. Was dad hurt? Was something broken at their house? Did they get into a car accident? Did they lock themselves out of the house? All of these scenarios ran through my head but the possibility of death never entered my mind.

Not once.

My mom was so calm when she told me what happened. I thought it must have happened hours previously and she was able to control herself to call me and tell me but I found out later that dad was still in the house and she was waiting on the funeral home to pick him up – a police officer was with her when she called me. But she didn’t tell me any of this until afterward.

I was in my office when she called me and I got up and walked into the living room where Kevin was watching TV. I had her on speaker and I don’t remember what she was saying, all I kept thinking was, “my dad died.”

I must have said it out loud because Kevin turned off the TV and said, “What??”

The phone call didn’t last long – I’m sure it was taking everything in my mom to hang on to her sanity and I when we hung up, I sank down into a chair and just stared at Kevin.

“My dad died,” I kept saying it over and over. I just couldn’t believe it. I was so shocked. I thought if I kept saying that then someone would correct me – tell me I was mistaken.

For the first time, in a very long time, I lost control of my emotions.

I started to wail. That’s the only word I can think of to describe the tsunami of emotions that poured out of me.

Wailing: noun

  1. The act of expressing sorrow, grief, or the like audibly; loud cries of sorrow; deep lamentation.
  2. A loud drawn out scream and howl.
  3. loud cries made while weeping

I’ve never wailed in my life but I was definitely wailing at that moment in time. I think I shocked Kevin. He has obviously seen me cry and be upset over the years but he has never seen me like this. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. I cried for my dad, of course, but I was also crying for my mom. I knew this would be devastating to her and it has been.

I called our youngest son first, he didn’t answer. There was no reason why I called him first, I just figured he was the one that would most likely pick up. When our youngest didn’t pick up, I called out oldest son. He picked up. I could barely get the words out but I asked him to go to his brother’s room and close the door, that I had something important to tell him. (They live in our rental house across the street from our house). To my surprise, he said, “we already know, mom.”

“How do you already know? Who told you?”

Apparently, when my mom spoke to my sister and she told her sons, who were already online, they contacted our boys online and told them.

Bad news travels fast.

I agonized over whether I should go see my mom that night. But ultimately, I decided not to because I knew if it were me, I would want to be left alone with my grief. I wouldn’t want an audience. I wanted to give her privacy – some space – to sort out her feelings first before being forced to deal with the harsh reality later.

I didn’t sleep that night. In fact, I listened to music nearly all night just to distract myself from my thoughts.

At 9:30 AM the next morning, I called mom. She was pretty tearful, as you can imagine, and said that the funeral home had called her to see if she wanted to come in at 10:00 AM to talk about arrangements because they had a cancellation. I was shocked that they called her so quickly! I hadn’t even taken a shower when I called her and was looking pretty rough but when mom said that “she felt so alone” I said screw it and told her to wait for me and I would go with her. She didn’t need to do this by herself!!

I pulled some clothes on, tied my hair back, doused my body with body spray and headed to mom’s. I didn’t want her to drive, though truth be known I wasn’t really in very good shape to drive myself, either. I cranked the radio on full blast on my way to her house and tried to distract myself from my thoughts. I had a stern conversation with myself on my way over there – now was not the time to lose my shit because mom needed me.

She was talking to a neighbor in the driveway when I pulled up. The neighbor was checking on her because she had seen the ambulance the night before. Mom seemed to be holding it together when she was talking to the neighbor, but I knew it was false bravado.

We headed to the funeral home and she filled me in on the details. I was very distracted and took a few wrong turns though to be fair, the normal route to the funeral home was blocked by construction so I had to veer off into a neighborhood I wasn’t familiar with – which only added to the stress of our arriving late. Mom had called the funeral home to let them know we would be late because she was waiting on me.

I felt guilty for looking so rough but I figured funeral directors were used to seeing people at their worst so I squashed the guilt and turned my focus on what he was saying.

We went over quite a few things and I had the forethought to take notes on my phone because I knew I wouldn’t remember most of that conversation later. I’m glad I did – they came in handy.

Here were some of my notes:

  • Who speaks at the graveside?
  • Pictures for video
  • Need 6 pallbearers – didn’t need them after all – keep reading
  • Don’t need gravestone, military will provide.
  • Only have 15 minutes at graveside.
  • Contact Social Security office after receiving death certificate.
  • After 4:00 PM Thursday for viewing.
  • Obit on Greenlawn website
  • Visitation at 1:00 on Friday.
  • Gravesite on 4-3.

Dad was an Army Veteran. He served during the Vietnam war. He wasn’t actually deployed over there, thank God, but rather he worked on radio communications with the troops stationed over there. My dad was an electronic whiz and that’s where they used him. He participated in a few top secret missions that he told us about a few times but he couldn’t go into details.

He was active duty for three years though he was “on call” for three years after that. I don’t believe they ever had to use him during the on-call years.

Because of his service in the Army, he was eligible to be buried in the Veteran’s Cemetery which was where he wanted to be buried. However, they still had to approve it and since it was Saturday when we went in, the funeral director wasn’t sure if anyone would be available to take his call and start the process. After discussing several details, he walked us to the room to look at caskets while he went to make some calls. It was tough, and a little surreal, to be shopping for dad’s casket less than 24-hours after he passed away. It almost felt disrespectful in some ways to even be talking about what to do with dad’s body less than a day after his death. We had ZERO time to process what happened let alone have the wherewithal to make arrangements.

Not to mention the sticker shock – caskets are EXPENSIVE.

Mom chose a simple, but pretty, box with a Bible verse etched into the sides. She felt like that one best suited dad’s personality. He wouldn’t have wanted anything fancy and definitely not anything expensive.

After choosing the casket, we went back to the office to wait for the funeral director. We had to wait for quite a while. We weren’t really sure what was taking so long but it gave us an opportunity to sort out our thoughts and grabble with our emotions.

And cry. We cried a lot.

The funeral director came back in and told us that he had good news and bad news. The good news was he was able to reach someone at the VA office but the bad news was, they wouldn’t be able to get dad in for the graveside burial until the following Monday, in another week. And that was assuming the VA approved dad to be buried there. We made arrangements for the visitation/funeral to be at 1:00 PM on Friday and then, if all went according to plan, the burial would be that next Monday. They would also have a private viewing for immediate family only on Thursday after 4:00 PM.

So – we had to make arrangements super fast, less than 24-hours after his passing but the funeral and the burial wouldn’t be for another week. Wow. Talk about stretching things out. Waiting that week was torture, not going to lie. I know it was even worse for mom.

I went ahead and went to work on Monday. No one knew what sort of weekend I had and I kept it quiet for a bit. About mid-morning, I told my immediate co-workers what had happened and that I would need Friday and Monday off, for obvious reasons. I could barely get the words out when I first started to tell them and I had to walk away to get ahold of my emotions. When I returned, I told them I was just going to have to blurt out the news as I didn’t trust myself to drag it out and that I didn’t want to talk about it. They respected my wishes, of course.

Life went on as normal as it can go on after losing a parent. Little by little, word of what happened reached the rest of the clinic and people were messaging me their condolences. Actually, I was pretty annoyed with my manager because on the next week’s schedule he put, “Karen – bereavement leave” so everyone knew that I was going to be out because I lost someone. I would have preferred to not broadcast it all over the clinic but whatever, the cat was out of the bag.

Again. I refused to talk to anyone about it though by the end of the week, I did tell my immediate co-workers what had happened. I was very thankful for work, to be honest. It kept me distracted and I was able to stuff my grief into a deep, dark pocket giving my mind a break and to do my work as usual.

But when Thursday came around and it was time to make a trip to the funeral home for the private viewing, I had no choice but to take that grief out of that deep, dark pocket and air it out a bit.

Kevin went with us. It was just the three of us.

It’s hard to describe what I was feeling when we walked into the funeral parlor and I saw my dad laying in the casket for the first time. It almost felt like a dream. Things started to get fuzzy around the edges of my vision and I felt a little … off kilter. It was like I was walking into an alternate universe – it didn’t feel real though there was my dad in the casket in front of me. Kevin stood back and me and mom walked up to the casket. I held back for a bit but I could see mom was really struggling so I went and stood by her placing an arm across her shoulders for support. I held it together pretty good. Dad looked pretty good though they hadn’t really worked on his hands and they looked mummified. I think his hands disturbed me the most.

We were there for a few hours. I’m REALLY GLAD that mom had that private time with dad. She stroked his hair and leaned down to speak to him. It was private and intimate and Kevin and I left the room to give her more privacy. She was in with him for another fifteen minutes and I could tell the staff was starting to get a bit antsy – it was probably time for them to go home and just when I was about to peek in to see how mom was doing, she came out.

Though she was in no way ready to say goodbye to him, I think having some alone time with dad really helped her and I was grateful to the funeral home for giving her the opportunity to have that one-on-one time with him. Everything happened so fast when he died that she really didn’t have a chance to say her goodbyes.

Me? I was surprisingly okay. I had tears in my eyes but I wasn’t sobbing – yet.

The day of the funeral was finally here. It was such a mixed bag of juxtapositions – we didn’t want to say goodbye but at the same time, we put off saying goodbye, officially, for a whole week. It was time.

I picked mom up from her house. Her brother and his wife had driven up from Texas and were at her house when I picked her up. They were going to follow us to the funeral home. We drove to the funeral home and then we left again to go pick up my Aunt, my mom’s sister, from her house. (My Aunt no longer drives). We returned to the funeral home and several more people had showed up while we were gone. My sister and her husband were there as well as my brother, his wife and their two boys. Kevin and the boys were there as well as dad’s brother and sisters.

Again, I was doing okay. Teary eyed but not sobbing. Kevin’s mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law arrived and we spent some time talking to them. It felt like it took forever for the funeral to start but when it did, that’s when I started to lose it. I sat by mom and my sister sat by me. We had a pastor from a church we didn’t belong to, (none of us belong to a church), direct the service and he did a good job. He and mom had a lengthy discussion about dad before the funeral so he had a lot of stories and facts about dad’s life – it was nice. The pictures mom and I collected of dad’ ‘s life were showing on a slideshow throughout the funeral. We obviously stayed until the very last minute and spoke to everyone that came.

To my shock, one of the people to pass us by and offer condolences was the nurse practitioner I work with! I thought that was sooo sweet of her to drop by! I hadn’t told her my dad’s name so she had to do some research to figure out who it was.

Since the burial was on Monday, (by the way, the VA approved dad), my brother and sister stuck around all weekend so we all hung out and got reacquainted. It’s so sad that it takes a death in the family to bring a family together. My sister and I hadn’t talked for about … ten-ish years? So it was REALLY GREAT to reconnect with her.

(My brother and sister have both come down a few times to hang out since the funeral and again, it has been SO NICE to see them. We’ve had some laughs and did A LOT of talking – it’s been so nice).

Monday came around and it was time for the burial. The boys rode with me and my mom rode with her brother. We all met at the cemetery where they gave dad a 21-gun salute and a really nice send off. I absolutely sobbed the entire time. Like, an ugly cry. I don’t know why I was crying so hard at the burial but it all seemed so … final, somehow. Also, it was just so nice that dad was being honored for his service – it was respectful and quite impressive. He would have liked it, I think.

It was a short service, only about 15 minutes. Then we were asked to leave. They said it would take about two hours for them to dig the grave and place him. So, my brother, sister and the other out-of-town guests left and two/three hours later, mom and I returned to see his grave. She had made arrangements for his tombstone before we left the burial so all we had to do was wait about six weeks for his tombstone to arrive. It was very emotional to stand there and stare at his pile of dirt. Mom also made arrangements for her to be buried on top of him when it’s her time. Her name and information will be engraved on the back side of dad’s tombstone. They will place her casket in the same hole on top of his casket – she’ll have the “top bunk” as the lady at the VA office told her.

I’ve been back a few times to see his tombstone and to say hi. It’s so weird to not have him around. We all thought he would stick around till his 90’s at least – both of his parents lasted that long.

My mom is handling it but she’s having a really hard time. Dad was her soulmate and she’s known him all her life – since 14 at least. She always knew she wanted to marry him. Seeing her hurting is heartbreaking and I wish I knew how to comfort her. This is a new territory for me and I feel a bit lost and completely out of my element trying to navigate this difficult time.

It’s amazing how you take life for granted. There is so much to do and so many excuses not to do it because you think, “there’s plenty of time for that.”

But there’s not, not really. Life is precious and every second/minute should be cherished and savored because you never know if you’ll go to sleep and never wake up.

Thanks for reading.

Reflections

August 2022 Reflections

Karen

(My Reflections posts are more stream-of-consciousness kind of posts so I apologize up front if some of what you read doesn’t make sense. But this is me we’re talking about here so … are you really surprised?)

August 1: I think I’m finally starting to get a handle on this new (ish) job. It was rough going at first, being thrown into the lion’s den and trying to sort through, organize and then come up with a system to keep track of everything. But I think I’m getting there. I’m not bored with this job, not sure that will ever be a problem since I’m E’s liaison between patients and other co-workers, but I’m definitely becoming more comfortable with the job itself and being around E. She is brainstorming to re-work/organize the clinic with the new girl starting soon. I’m very, VERY grateful she’s so organized and efficient as I think working with someone who is more seat-of-my-pants sort of person would be very hard for me. I’m not OCD, per se, but I definitely work better when there is a process. I bet it’s sort of fun for E to see her clinic expand and grow. She wants to eventually see 14 people per clinic day, which roughly works out to be about 55 to 60 patients per week that all three of us (when the new girl starts) will handle. That’s a lot. But our clinic is set up for the short term – E determines whether the patients we see are surgical or not and if they are, we schedule them with a surgeon, if they are not, then we refer them to non-operative doctors for further treatment options. We do end up seeing quite a few patients at least twice though to discuss how physical therapy or an injection went, so it’s not like a one and done sort of deal. She does a lot of test results, too. Meaning, if I set patients up for an MRI or CT then she will read the results and offer her recommendations and I will then call the patients and go through that with them and carry out E’s recommendations. That means I have a lot of phone work, which I detest, but it’s part of the job. Talking about this with her makes my chest tight because that’s a lot of pressure on me, but I can handle it. Pretty sure I had an anxiety attack today, though. Not fun.

August 2: Felt much better today. According to my Garmin Tracker, my heart rate got down to 61 last night. That might be a new record. In fact, my resting heart rate now stays in the mid-to-low 60’s. This is unusual for me because my resting heart rate rarely got below 75 in the past. What changed? Two things: I’ve gone through the change (menopause) and I do intermittent fasting (IF) every day. Yes. I’m still doing that. I eat between 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM every day. (Though honestly, if I really wanted to amp things up, I could shorten that window but I’m not disciplined enough or motivated enough to do that right now). Every since I started IF I’ve been feeling better and my labs certainly show it. The last time I had labs done, all of my numbers came back where they needed to be – so I must be doing something right. We only have Sarah for one more day before she has to go back to take care of her doctor. I’m going to miss her. She’s phenomenal. I wish we could keep her. The president of our clinic came up today and gave us kudos for jobs well done. She says she’s been hearing good things about our clinic from other doctors and the ER (we get a lot of patients from the ER). That was really good to hear. I think E was very pleased.

August 3: Days are blending together – I frequently forget what day of the week it is. Since we have clinic every day, it’s hard to keep them straight. When I worked with Dr. M., who only had clinic twice a week, (he was in surgery the rest of the week), it was easy to keep track of my days – clinic days and off clinic days. But now that we see patients every day, I struggle to remember what day it is. It’s sort of embarrassing, to be honest. I’m getting a small taste of what it must be like to work in a primary care physician’s office. Though you couldn’t PAY me enough to work in a PCP’s office. (Kudos to those of you that do).

August 4: We had a goodbye lunch with Sarah today. I’m actually going to miss her. I don’t really like a lot of people, but I really liked her. And I like E. She’s pretty great. I’m very blessed to be working with her. We get along so well. Blake rear-ended someone today. It was just a tap, thank God, no one was hurt, but still, I think it woke him up a bit. Unfortunately, it takes things like this to wake people up. Not that he doesn’t take driving seriously, but you take it MORE seriously when something like this happens. It didn’t really do a lot of damage to his car, just scratched it up. But that poor guy – he had someone scratch his car in the apartment parking lot, someone broke in to his car but luckily he didn’t have anything valuable in it so they didn’t take anything and now this. He loves that car, too. I’m just thankful no one was hurt. It doesn’t matter how old your kids get or how long they’ve been driving, they are still your children.

August 5: We bought black out curtains for the trailer. They are way too long but oh well.

August 6: Cut my hair shorter. I had asked for a lighter color last time and all it did was pull out too much red, which I hated, so I asked her to go darker this time. I’m thinking of getting highlights but probably not until next summer. It already costs so much to get my hair done, I shudder to think how much highlights will cost on top of cover my gray and trim cost.  Though my stylist does a good job, I hate how she styles my hair. And she puts all of this product in that does nothing but weigh it down and it feels and looks greasy. I always hate my hair when I leave the stylist. I should just ask her not to dry/style it next time. (Would that be cheaper? Hmm). And I’m too stubborn to wash my hair for a few days after getting it done because I’m afraid I’ll wash some of  the color out, so I look like a drowned rat for a few days. Pretty sure this is the opposite result of what you expect when you go to the salon but … been thinking a lot about the flu vaccine mandate coming up. I’ll be so glad when that issue is resolved however it turns out. (Pst – you can read this to find out how that turned out).

August 7: I woke up upset. I dreamt I couldn’t find my car and I was late to work and crying. I honestly fear getting older and losing my mind. I never want to live like that. I hate my hair but I’m glad it’s shorter. I’m clearly conflicted. I’m thinking of going shorter in November, (when I go to the salon again – I only go every 12 weeks because I’m too cheap to pay more often than that). I’m just thankful I still have hair, I suppose. Dear God I pray I still have my hair and my mind when I get older. It’s all about priorities.

August 8: I have mixed feelings about this job. I love it, but I get lonely. Now that I’m on a different floor than the rest of my co-workers, I get forgotten. And I get it. When I was on the 7th floor I completely forgot about the people on the 9th floor, too. Now, I’m one of those people that are being forgotten. We are kicking ass though, E and I. Our new girl starts next week. But I’m worried. Our patient load has decreased substantially. Our first new patient spot was three weeks out, now it’s tomorrow. I’m not sure what changed. We did have a new doctor start so I suppose that’s a big part of it, but E thinks there is something more going on and she’s looking into it. I’m just worried that our patient load will drop down and management won’t be able to justify the new girl coming in or even keeping our clinic open. I really like what I’m doing up here and I believe in what we’re doing – getting patients to doctors that can help them faster. (What patient can’t relate to feeling frustrated and tossed around from one provider to another). But if we don’t have the volume, then management will have to make some decisions. A lot of people have been leaving healthcare, too. I don’t blame them, healthcare has gotten a really bad wrap these past few years and it’s almost become toxic now. Which is a shame, honestly.

August 10: E brought in an $8 watermelon today. She bought it at a farmer’s market. It was a very good watermelon, but I’m not sure it was $8 great. EIGHT dollars for a watermelon?! No wonder people don’t want to eat healthy, it’s freaking expensive. Reached out to T, my old nurse. She’s loving being a school nurse – I bet the kids love her. I’m SOOO happy for her. Life is too short to be miserable.

August 11: E. is restructuring her clinic cheat sheets. We use these sheets to gather information for the providers. All of the doctors have cheat sheets though they vary from doctor-to-doctor. Now that I’m here, (that makes me sound so important), and the new girl is coming, she’s an LPN and will already have the basics down, E is starting to feel a bit more confident in her staff. So, she wants us to get more information from the patients when we room them so she has more information before going into the room and can focus more on the diagnosis and the plan as opposed to getting the information. It’s an art to communicate with patients. You want to get the information you need without rushing the patient and at the same time keep them on track so that you’re not in the room for 30 minutes. The goal is not to be in the room for more than 10 minutes and even that’s a bit too long. But we have to keep the pace going because there are other patients waiting, not to mention your provider is waiting on you so he/she can do his/her part. That’s why we always seem to be in a hurry when you go to the doctors’ office because we are. The MA’s are responsible for maintaining a flow so that we don’t put the provider behind and make other patients wait longer. That’s why it’s important for patients to answer our questions and not veer off into left field about an issue they are not seeing our provider about. I know patients don’t get that, but hopefully this gives you a bit of a glimpse into the healthcare world.

August 12: Kevin and I did our usual Friday night shopping. Groceries are definitely costing more money thanks to the bumbling idiot in the White House and a Democrat-run Congress that continues to spend money on crap we don’t need and can’t afford.

August 13: Woke up to a sinus headache. I haven’t one of those in a while. It’s likely because the weather is changing. I had to take half of a Sudafed. I can’t handle a whole one, it makes my heart race. I ended up sleeping another hour while waiting for it to kick in so my day got a late start but at least it got rid of the headache. If I don’t get those under control, it makes me nauseous and I throw up. Fun. Kevin asked me if I remember when I got my ears pierced, both times. I know, random question. I don’t remember what we were talking about that prompted that question but no, I don’t remember. At all. I have such a terrible memory, which is another reason I NEED to get back to blogging. But I just don’t dwell on the past, I’m always focused on the future. I need to re-train my brain. We bought locks for our trailer cabinets. I’m always afraid we are going to get to our destination and open the trailer door only to see every cabinet open and all of our stuff broken and on the floor.

August 14: I nearly fainted today. I went up to the middle school to use their track to walk and I got too hot. It was 88 degrees today. And the track is all in the sun – no shade at all. And I’m a dummy and didn’t take any water. About an hour into my walk I started feeling woozy and dizzy and had to sit in the shade for a bit. Any time I start to feel dizzy I freak out. I’m traumatized from my Vertigo episode, I guess. Ever since I’ve gone through the change I can’t tolerate heat like I used to. I don’t feel like I sweat as much as I used to, either. I used to sweat so much I would be SOAKED – like I just stepped out of a shower soaked – when I exercised. I get sweaty, but nothing like I used to. Something else I have to readjust to. Still worth not having a period though.

August 15: Getting nervous. I honestly don’t see how Emily is going to be able to run this clinic without me. (Yes. I have a healthy ego, why do you ask?) Sure. Management can rob Peter to pay Paul, (i.e., ask people from the 7th floor to fill in), but she’s really relying more and more on me and she’s getting to the point where she is expanding the clinic and seeing more patients so I’m feeling pressure to do a good job. If the hospital doesn’t approve my exemption, she’ll have to cut her patient load down again and basically start over. Went to Indeed.com today and saw that the law firm that drew up our living will is urgently hiring. Wouldn’t that be something to work for the lawyer that we used for our living will. My parents used them for their will and they weren’t impressed with the staff, probably because they were short staffed. Which I feel like every industry is short staffed right now because no one wants to work – but that’s a topic for another day. Have to re-start the stupid COVID tests soon. I had four months reprieve because I tested positive for COVID in May, (but didn’t even have a sniffle – suuuure), but now it’s time to pay the piper and start back up. Goody.

August 17: M, the new girl, is bored with her training on the 7th floor. They’ve been showing her how to room a patient and because it’s the same process over and over again, she feels like she has that down. I suggested she hang out with me so I can start teaching her our programs and how to schedule so she’ll be with us tomorrow. I really hope I get to continue scheduling patients. I don’t mind rooming patients but I LOVE to schedule. It reminds me of my old scheduling days. I also love to train people. I know. I’m one of THOSE people.

August 20: The boys hung out with us today. We ate at Culverts then had ice cream afterward. We had some good conversations and it warms my heart to get to know the adult version of our children. They are great people. We are very blessed.

August 21: Went for another walk around the track at the middle school today. I was smarter and actually took water and drank water about halfway through my walk. I like to walk about three miles. I really enjoy walking outside.

August 23: Rachelle, (my nephew’s wife), went into labor. I feel like she was one month overdue as there was some question about her actual due date but I’m sure I’m wrong. That’s a long time to be overdue. She had a mid-wife but she had complications during labor and ended up going to the hospital for a C-section. They had a boy! I’m sure my sister-in-law is thrilled as she has eight granddaughters and one grandson. E told me that if the hospital does not approve my flu vaccine exemption then I could work for her husband – he needs an assistant. I thought that was very sweet! We paid my legal secretary course off today! We’ll see if I actually have to use it. I tell you though, it’s nice to have a plan B, not gonna lie.

August 25: Trying to wrap things up at work so that we can drive to Texas tomorrow. Why is it when you are trying to leave work that’s when you get dumped on? So frustrating. I ended up staying at work until 6:00 PM even though I worked like a fiend today to try and get it done before closing. Oh well. Overtime. E is nervous about me leaving. In fact, she ended up moving a few clinics when I’m out. It’s not that she and M can’t handle it, but M is so new – it’s just too much too soon. I totally get that. I had big plans to go grocery shopping, pack and make the beds up in the trailer when I got off work but all I had energy for was to get shop for food. I’ll have to do the rest of it in the morning before we leave. Darn it.

August 26 – 31: Drove the trailer to Galveston Texas! (I’ll post about that vacation soon-ish – ha!)

At the Moment

I Did Something …

Karen

Yes, we’re one of THOSE people.

Kevin put our house lights up, too. We’re one of the first to put our lights up in the neighborhood. We’re now the house that everyone sniffs at as they drive past …

“Oh! Can you believe those people?! We haven’t even gotten through Thanksgiving yet!”

Meh. Think what you want. Though I will say this is the earliest we’ve ever put our decorations up. Why this year, you ask?

Beats me. I just felt like it. I love Christmas. It makes me happy. And when we turned the Christmas music on to decorate the tree … *swoon* – I just felt nostalgic, happy, peaceful and content.

I love those feelings.

By the way, our tree is fake and I’m not ashamed.

One of the reasons I’m posting this is because every year. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. When it comes time to put our tree up, Kevin and I have a debate on what color of lights we had the previous year.

EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.

And every single year, neither one of us can remember.

EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.

So this year, I thought I would take a picture and then post it, (because I take pictures and then can never locate them the next year) so that WHEN we have this conversation next year, we’ll remember what color lights we had.

Smart, eh?

Personally, I think white lights are my favorite, but Kevin likes the colored lights better. I like colored lights, especially since they remind me of the trees we had when I was little, but I don’t know, I like the white lights better. They’re … classier, I guess?

The boys, who have now fully moved into the rental house across the street, (LeRoy is in HEAVEN), walked across the street to help me decorate. It’s SO COOL to have them close. I think I’ve seen them more in the past week than I have in the past three months. And I didn’t even have to ask them. They found out I was putting the tree up and came over to help.

*sniff*

We usually put up our homemade ornaments every year. You know the ones, the ornaments that the kids made when they were in school. And the ones we have collected over the years on our travels. But this year … I don’t know, I just felt like doing something a little more … boring traditional, I guess?

I don’t think the boys liked it. They would prefer the handmade ornaments though they would rather have their eyes poked out than admit that. And I swear I detected a note of disappointment in Brandon’s voice when he found out I wasn’t throwing the cheap tinsel “icicles” on this year and instead used these:

Santa still comes to our house. At least for the boys. (Kevin and I don’t buy each other gifts anymore – we go on vacations together – that’s our gift to each other). In years past, the boys came over on Christmas Eve, we played games, snacked and then they spent the night. We then dragged their butts out of bed the next morning, they opened their gifts then we had breakfast together. I’m sure we’ll do something like that this year but they may just want to WALK over the next morning since they will literally be across the street from us.

We have a busy few weeks ahead, as I’m sure ya’ll do as well. We’re having a birthday/Thanksgiving day party at my parent’s this weekend. Then we’re hosting Kevin’s family on Thanksgiving day. And we’ll be hosting Christmas for my family at our house next month. I’m sure Kevin’s mom will want to have a Christmas party at her house sometime next month, too.

So yes. I put our tree up early. And I plan on enjoying every single moment.

When do you put your tree up? What color of lights do you like better? Do you have a real tree or a fake tree?

Talk to me. I’m curious.

Work Stuff

Things You Shouldn’t Do When You Visit Your Doctor – Part Two

Karen

(The things not to do “rules” came from this website. I thought I would run through the most common ones here and offer my thoughts since I work in a doctor’s office. You can read part one here).

1. Never Ask Your Doctor to Lie

I know this seems self-explanatory and when would you ask your doctor to lie, but it happens more than you think it does.

The incidents that come to my mind are when patients want to stay off work longer, or not wanting to go back to work at all, or they want the doctor to document that they are sicker than they really are because they need to appear that way in order to qualify for something or get something.

I can ASSURE you, doctors are not willing to forfeit their licenses to help you be dishonest. It’s morally and ethically wrong and they won’t do it. Don’t even ask. And if you ask, you’re risking the possibility the doctor will not see you back.

Yes. Doctors CAN refuse to see you and they can most certainly “fire” you from their practice. Don’t be that person.

2. Never Get Too Many Opinions

A second opinion is fine, in fact, we encourage it and it’s certainly the patient’s right to do so. You want to make sure what the original doctor is telling you is correct and it’s helpful to get a second pair of professional eyes on the situation just to ensure nothing was missed or missed diagnosed. And mayyyybe a third opinion, but you’re pushing it. Anything more than three opinions and you’re running the risk of the doctor not seeing you at all.

When patients seek multiple opinions it doesn’t send a very positive message. Why so many? Do you not trust the doctors you’ve seen so far? Are you just looking for someone to give you the answer you want? It’s not a good look and if doctors find out you’ve seen six other doctors for the same issue, they will refuse to see you at all.

3. Never Drink Coffee Before You’ve Been Shown Back to the Exam Room

Okay, maybe NEVER is a strong word. Of course, bring your coffee with you to your appointment but it’s best NOT to drink it before we have a chance to get your blood pressure because it will absolutely affect your blood pressure, i.e. elevate your blood pressure. It’s not that big of a deal, but it’s better not to do it just so we can get a more accurate blood pressure.

And a quick note about blood pressure in general. There are MANY reasons your blood pressure could be elevated. Pain, of course. Diet, caffeine, your overall physical health, being nervous. Remember, when we get your blood pressure, that number reflects what your blood pressure was IN THAT MOMENT. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s that way all the time. That’s why your general doctor will ask you to keep a log so that they can calculate the average, which will give them a better overall idea on what your blood pressure truly is.

4. Never Forget to Report Over-the-Counter Medications, Vitamins and Supplements

I know. Talking about medications every time you go to a doctor, especially when your doctors are all part of the same medical system, is a pain in the butt. Trust me when I say, we hate going through them with the patients just as much. So please, stop the attitudes, okay?

It’s important to go through medications every visit because quite often, patients have discontinued a medication but it wasn’t removed from the list. So, if a doctor sees you’re on something they will be less likely to prescribe you a refill or something else – it’s important to keep the medication list updated. So when we ask if there have been any changes, you need to tell us so we can ensure those changes are in your chart.

I probably get the most attitude about vitamins, supplements and OTC medications. The doctor needs to know EVERYTHING you’re taking. (And this includes marijuana!). The biggest reason is because supplements can sometimes be contraindicated (which means they negatively interact with another medication) with a prescription medication and we don’t want to inadvertently send you to the ER because of a reaction.

Don’t blow this off. Keep track of what you’re taking and let your doctor know.

5. Never Forget to Ask Questions

Patients have a lot of questions and understandably so. They are trying to make sense about what is happening with their bodies and the more information a patient knows, the better.

And we want to answer their questions. But the clinical staff can only answer so many questions – we’re not the doctors. So. PLEASE write down your questions and bring them with you to your appointment. When you get here, you’re hurting and distracted and 9 times out of 10, people forget to ask something, call the office and then get frustrated when we don’t have an answer for them. Appointments are YOUR reserved time with the doctor to ask him/her your questions. Make the most of that time because trust me when I say, a doctor’s time is VERY valuable.

And side note: Once a doctor leaves the room, he/she is DONE. Appointment over. Patients will remember something they forgot to ask and they will ask the staff to ask the doctor to go back into their room. I can pretty much guarantee you that is not going to happen. You’ll just have to leave your questions with the staff and they will ask the doctor when they can and get back to you.

Sorry. But that’s just the way it is. If a doctor had to backtrack on every patient he/she saw that day, he/she would not only be behind, he/she would never get anything else done. Use your appointment time wisely.

6. Never Save the Most Important Part for Last

Look. You’re there to see the doctor about specific issues, (most likely). Doctors and the staff simply don’t have time to work up to the issue you’re there to see the doctor about. Get to the point. Tell us where it hurts. The quicker we get to the problem, the quicker the doctor can diagnose you and the quicker the staff can carry out his orders and get you on your way.

And please. Don’t give us attitude when we’re asking you questions about your pain. I promise, there is a good reason we’re asking these seemingly benign questions. Believe me when I say, we have much better things to do than stand there and play 20 questions with you to find out what is wrong. Be patient.

7. Never Show Up with Small Children

There is nothing more distracting than trying to talk around, or over, a crying, fussy child. Not to mention, it’s distracting to the doctor and the patient and questions don’t get asked and everything is rushed and inefficient.

It stresses us, the doctor, the patient and other patients out when we have to deal with a screaming child.

Doctors’ offices are incredibly boring to a child. And we have better things to do than to try and distract your child while also doing our job. I know it’s not always possible to leave a child with someone when you have an appointment but if you can avoid it, please make arrangements for someone to watch your children while you’re at the doctor’s office. You will be more relaxed, your doctor can focus and we can work on giving you the best care we’re capable of.

8. Never Say “I Know My Body”

Look. I get it. I’m one of those people that know their bodies, too. And it’s not a bad thing to be in tune with your body so that when something weird happens you notice it.

However …

Doctors have years of education and experience so they know what they’re talking about. Can they get something wrong? Of course, they’re human, but don’t assume you know more than they do because it’s just insulting. That’s why is so important for you to be honest with your doctor about your pain and symptoms so that he/she can accurately diagnose you.

But …

If something feels wrong or off, absolutely tell your doctor about it. Just don’t insult their intelligence when you do so.

Doctors have BIG egos, in case you weren’t aware. 🙂

9. Never Stay on Your Cell Phone when Staff Walks In

People, seriously, I PROMISE you the world will not end if you rip your eyeballs from your phone. Put it down. You will survive without it.

First of all, it’s rude to not put down your phone when people are talking to you in general. But it’s SUPER rude when you can’t look away from your phone to pay attention to medical staff or the doctor. Think of it this way – you’re PAYING for this appointment, don’t you want to get your money’s worth? And if someone calls you while you’re in the exam room with staff or the doctor, let it go to voicemail. We had a lady answer her phone one time while the doctor was with her and he walked out of the room! The lady opened the door and asked if he was going to come back and we told her yes, he would be back but he was with the next patient and she would have to wait on him now. She wasn’t happy but she deserved it. Don’t be that lady!

Another note about cell phones: sometimes we have patients ask if they can call someone that couldn’t make it to the appointment with them and put them on speaker phone so they can hear what the doctor has to say. Doctors are not crazy about this idea, but most of the time they will say yes because they understand people have to work and can’t get away. But ask the medical staff before the doctor goes in so we can give him/her a head’s up on the request before they walk in. They don’t like surprises.

10. Never Try and Get Advice for Someone Who is Not the Patient

It is unethical for the doctor to give out medical advice for anyone other than the patient. Don’t even try and bring it up, I promise you, the doctor will shut it down, fast. If you know someone that needs medical help, that patient needs to make an appointment.

End of discussion.

Work Stuff

A Walk Through My Working Life

Karen

(Ignore my hair – I was bored and experimenting).

These are a few work “diaries” I made when I first started my job as an MA. I wish I had kept up with these videos, just to document my journey and struggles, but in some ways, I’m glad I didn’t – they just would have been videos complaining and who wants to hear that.

But these two videos were made at pivotal moments in my “career”, (and that’s in quotations because I still, to this day, don’t think of my job as a career – probably because I’m prepared to walk away at a moment’s notice), so I thought you might find it interesting to watch them. The first one was on September 27, 2011. I had just gotten hired on September 19, 2011 and I had no idea what I was doing. I was grappling to figure what was going on and how I could make sense of it enough for me to jump in and do my part.

I wasn’t trained well. I was trained with blinders one, meaning, I didn’t SEE the big picture. How was my work affecting everyone else’s job. I would literally stare at the computer and the different programs, and all of the options just to try and make sense of it because no one taught WHY we did what we did.

I would go home CRYING because I was so frustrated and felt stupid because I wasn’t “getting” it. But I didn’t give up and I slowly starting figuring out what my role was and what I was supposed to do. And then I started figuring out ways to be more efficient and soon, I was ROCKING it.

But it wasn’t easy and I’m proud of myself for conquering a career I knew NOTHING about. Google was my best friend back in those days and if I came across a term I didn’t understand, I looked it up. I listened to pronunciations through Merriam Webster so that I could correctly say medical terms because I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of patients, or my co-workers.

Because of my training experience, when it came time for me to train new people. I made a point to focus on the WHY we did things. I wanted to make sure the new people coming in saw the big picture so that what we were asking them to do would make more sense. I’ve been told I’m a good trainer, I don’t know about that, but I do know the people I train tend to stick around longer and do better, overall.

I felt confident in what I was doing and I truly loved it. I THRIVE on multi-tasking to this day and scheduling for three, (sometimes more because I was that good – not cocky, just honest),back then required a lot of quick thinking and volleying back and forth between taking care of patients that were in front of me, patients on the phone and internal messages from the clinical team asking me to do various things.

I. WAS. CRUSHING. IT.

But it was an exhausting pace. There was NEVER a down day, or a slow day – it was a marathon sprint from the moment I clocked on to the moment I clocked off. And everything was on a deadline. I would schedule testing and the clock would start ticking. Would the insurance companies approve the testing in time for the appointment? Patients that called yesterday will start calling back because they haven’t heard back or haven’t gotten an answer yet. In the meantime, I still have to go through my doctors’ upcoming schedules to make sure the patients have completed the tasks that the doctor recommended they complete before they come back. If not, I had to call them and reschedule them because nothing makes a doctor more cranky than to see a patient back that didn’t do what they wanted them to do.

What’s the point?

I got to the comfortable stage. I’VE GOT THIS. I was confident, fast, efficient and people were now coming to me for help. It was awesome.

Fast forward two years and then this happened:

The result of that meeting? My scheduling job ended up being absorbed into an MA position. I had mixed feelings. I was scared, because what do I know about being an MA, I was angry, because I loved being a scheduler, I was nervous, because I had no idea which doctor they would assign me with and let’s face, neurosurgeons are SCARY. Some of them had a reputation of being volatile and hard to please.

My world, the world I struggled to understand, control and then conquer, just imploded.

I’ll make a follow up video soon about my experience entering the world of being a Medical Assistant and what these past NINE years have been like. This is actually a good time to make another video because my working world has just changed again these past few months and now I’m entering a new phase of my working life.

Stay tuned.