Category: Sunday Stuff

I can’t talk to my oldest son at all.

Every time I try, he accuses me of being angry.

“Are you mad?”

“Why are you mad?”

“There you go, being mad again.”

I’m not sure how many different ways he can ask me if I’m angry. I’m not sure how many ways I can respond with, “No, I’m not!”

I’m passionate. Perhaps that comes across as angry. I have a semi-permanent frown – I can’t help it, my face is crooked. My voice can get harsh – I don’t mean it to, I just have a harsh-sounding voice, I guess.

But it bothers me. It bothers me that he thinks I’m always angry. And that that’s somehow okay for him to be angry all the time.

It bothers me that he’s so sensitive to my moods. Even my subtle moods. The boy mirrors his moods after me and that scares me. Because I never want to be, I’ve never asked to be, his role model. I suck as a role model. I’m flawed in so many ways, I can’t even list them – there are simply too many.

So now I’m self-conscious about my reactions to … everything. Do I come off as angry? I know when I worked at my last job, I had several people tell me (after they had gotten to know me), that I had a stand-offish air about me, that I was perceived as a snob.

And in some ways, I have to agree with that. But I’m not REALLY like that. At least, not all the time. I’m not sure how I can change that perception of me in public. I’m REALLY not sure how to change my son’s perception of me now.

Who wants a mom who’s angry all the time?

I’m not angry all the time.

Am I?

*ding* Time’s up.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it?

Isolation.

It’s bad.

This is what we learned in Bible Study today – that when Christians don’t mingle with other Christians, then their spiritual lights dim, or even possibly go out.

The man teaching this lesson today told us two analogies:

1. A man was upset with his pastor and wouldn’t go to church for several weeks. The Pastor, noticing the man wasn’t in church, showed up at his house one day. He found the man sitting in front of his fireplace. Without saying a word, the Pastor pulled up a chair and sat down with the man. Several moments went by and the Pastor finally got up, went to the fireplace, took a poker and separated one ember from the rest of the fire. The ember glowed brightly for a few seconds but soon began to fade. Still not saying a word, the Pastor then pushed the ember back into the fire where it soon began to glow brightly. The Pastor didn’t say anything and made preparations to leave. As the Pastor was leaving, the man said, “I get the hint, Pastor. I’ll see you in church next Sunday.”

2. The moon, Earth and Sun. When the moon is fully facing the sun, it’s a New Moon. This New Moon is bright, so bright, in fact, that the night is quite clearly illuminated on those nights. But when the moon is away from the sun, the night grows dark and it’s hard to see. Facing the Sun (Son) allows people (Christians and non-Christians) to see your inner light.

These two analogies really struck home for me today. I often prefer isolation than the company of other people. I like being by myself. I have no problem with being alone. But this made me think. Perhaps it IS better, for myself, as a human being, and as a Christian, to make more of an effort to come out of my isolation and allow other people to see my inner light.

I’m not doing God any favors by staying in the dark.

*ding* Time’s up.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

* Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
* Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell checking. This is writing in the raw.
* Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
* Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
* Link up your post below.
* Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

I’m being watched.

Dude, my oldest son, constantly watches me. He tries to act like he’s not, but I can tell he is.

How do I know this?

I’m pretty notorious for never taking a shower right after I get up. I get up, monkey around for a bit (usually on the computer, though Saturdays I spend doing chores) and THEN I’ll take a shower – about mid-morning. (Sometimes later, if we’re being honest).

I complained to Kevin the other day how Dude never takes a shower until 1:00 in the afternoon.

Do you know what Kevin said? “Well, you’re not exactly setting a very good example.”

I was stunned. I was annoyed, at first, but then I realized that he was right. The boy is watching me. I don’t take a shower first thing, why should he?

So today, I got up at 7:30, and was showered and dolled up by 8:30 – before I woke Dude up at 9:00 (the boys need to be woken up so they can get up and wake up in time for Bible study).

Guess what? Dude took a shower and made his bed without me telling him – at 11:00 a.m.! (That’s early for him on a weekend).

And this job thing? Will probably make an impact on Dude, too. I want to get one because I have the time and I’m ready to financially contribute to my family again. But I think it will also be a good thing for Dude, too. He will see I’m working and it will likely motivate him to get a job after he graduates in May.

I always knew that Dude was a momma’s boy, I just didn’t realize HOW MUCH of an impact I have on him until recently.

I appreciate my husband’s honesty, (not always, mind you), and I’m glad he said what he said and brought to my attention that I’m not always setting a very good example for my boys sometimes.

I’m lazy. I will not dispute that. But I’m learning that that laziness has larger consequences and doesn’t just affect me but my children as well.

*ding* Time’s up.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

* Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
* Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell checking. This is writing in the raw.
* Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
* Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
* Link up your post below.
* Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.