Category: Reflections

(My Reflections posts are more stream-of-consciousness kind of posts so I apologize up front if some of what you read doesn’t make sense. But this is me we’re talking about here so … are you really surprised?)

Dec 1: Mood – Meh (Thought I would add my mood for the day)

And just like that, it’s December – 2021 is nearly over!! I’m sorry … WHAT?!?

I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating – how does time go so fast? How can we slow this down? I swear, we will blink a few times and we’ll be right back here, looking at another picture of Santa Claus and thinking, “where did 2022 go?!??”

As usual, I’m writing this reflections post at the END of the month but never fear! I did a bang-up job of keeping up with my journal this month so I’ll elaborate on my thoughts from that.

You’re welcome. I know you were worried for a minute.

Still training the new girl at work. Actually, one of the new girls, we have two. We are now fully staffed with medical assistants, so, that’s good. Now, if we can only find three more nurses, we’ll be set. At least, until the next upheaval because let’s be honest, no one is really fully staffed for very long because … life, am I right? She’s pretty sharp and I think she’s going to work out nicely for Dr. S.’s team. Not gonna lie, training DRAINS me but we can’t expect the new people to do well if we don’t invest some time in their training, right? I’m anticipating her being on her own by Christmas.

We talked about a team activity to celebrate Christmas today. We all went to an Escape Room last January, (we just can’t coordinate our schedules in December, everyone is too busy) and I think it would be fun to go H’s new house and have a murder mystery dinner. We could dress up, assume a character and find out who the murderer is! I know, this suggestion is really odd coming from me considering I HATE dressing up, but I think it would be fun, interesting and full of laughs. Someone on the team suggested we go someplace and shoot guns, which, honestly, I’m down for. I wouldn’t mind learning how to shoot a gun. Kevin and I talk about taking lessons all the time. Also, ax throwing – which – I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that one and I keep imagining someone getting an ax stuck in their arm. I don’t know, we’ll see what we come up with.

Dec 2: Mood – Grateful to feel normal

Did my wellness labs today. We weigh, have blood drawn and have our blood pressure taken every year to assess how healthy we are. We do this so that we get stickers in January that we put on our badges and we get 35% off cafeteria food. Which is already expensive and really comes in handy, to be honest. My labs were perfect. All within normal ranges. I was very pleased by my numbers. My A1C was a little high but I cheated that morning and had some coffee with some creamer instead of fasting like I was supposed to. Oops.

I also saw a nurse practitioner today to establish care with a primary care provider. Believe it or not, I don’t have a doctor. I’ve never had a primary doctor, I’ve never had the need for one. I’m very healthy and work to stay that way. The biggest reason I went to see her was for a referral to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor to try and address the Vertigo I had back in late October. And they drew more blood to do a full panel on me, test my thyroid function, etc. and I’m happy to say, even the extended labs came back all normal. Again, I was very proud of myself. The NP wanted me to come back and get a full physical, breast exam, pap smear, which I made an appointment for, but I have no intention of keeping it, I will be canceling it soon. Maybe I’ll reschedule – I don’t know. Why go looking for problems? Though I understand it’s good to have a baseline, I’m not having any issues at this time so it just feels … intrusive. I don’t know. I’ll think about it some more.

Super stressful day today. I was busy training, trying to get some stuff done for Dr. M and get his clinic ready for the next Monday while packing stuff up to take to Dr. S’s Harrison clinic tomorrow. I know my blood pressure was up, (and it was a little high at the doctor’s office). This was one of those days I end up asking myself, “WHY AM I DOING KILLING MYSELF FOR THIS JOB? WHY??”

Dec 3: Relieved

Went to Harrison AR with team S today. It was the easiest outlying clinic I’ve ever worked. In fact, I didn’t even work it, E did. And she did great. She really rocked it. I was available for questions, which she had very few. I actually drove myself to Harrison, the team went together in the company SUV. I drove myself because I knew it would be a cramped ride and I get car sick and I wanted to give E time to bond with Dr. S’s nurse, so I drove. And it was pretty fantastic. It was relaxing and it was an easy drive. I got there before the team and set things up so they were ready to go when they walked in the door. I’m hoping this was my last time going to an outlying clinic. The clinic we used to go to with Dr. M’s team, our lease expired and the facility didn’t renew it so we don’t have an outlying clinic to do now. DARN! (Totally being sarcastic in case you didn’t pick up on that). Today more than made up for the very stressful day I had yesterday. Thank God.

Dec 4: Relaxed

Spent some time setting up my new Garmin Venu SQ today. It looks a lot like an Apple watch. I like the square face. I also ordered some replacement bands because I get bored wearing the same thing over and over again. The band is super easy to change, pretty happy about that. I think I have too many settings because it seems like the battery is really draining fast. I’ll have to play around with it some more. But I dig the fitness watches because I like to keep track of my sleep patterns and steps. Also, I earn points that goes into a health account at work so if I rack up a medical bill, I can apply the “money” I’ve earned in my account to help pay for it. Win, win situation.

We went to Hobby Lobby and bought a really cool picture to put into the camper.

For those of you catching up – Kevin bought a cargo trailer and converted it into a comfortable camper for us. Since it doesn’t look like we’ll be going on cruises any time in the future, (because we refuse to inject ourselves with an experimental mystery that no one knows the long-term repercussions for a virus that has a 99% recovery rate for most people – but I digress), we decided camping would be the next best thing because we refuse to live our lives cooped up at home all the time. I promise! We’ll post an updated video on the camper this spring when we dig it out and start using it again. We’re loving it so far and it’s been really comfortable to use. Of course, we have some more tweaking to do, but i’ts been fun to use so far and we’ll only get better the more we use it. Stay tune for more adventures in 2022!

We went to a local hamburger joint for dinner and we had to wait quite a while for our food. But it’s okay, we all have to be patient right now because so many places are short staffed because of Biden’s stupid vaccine mandates for private businesses. Let’s go Brandon! The workers were stressed and I made sure to say loudly enough for the disgruntled near me to hear, “You guys are doing great! We appreciate you. Hang in there!”

Dec 5: Disappointed

Heard from my brother today – his family will not be joining us for Christmas because my family, and mom and dad, aren’t vaccinated. I wasn’t terribly surprised to hear this, but I was very disappointed. It’s hard for me to understand how people can be so scared of a disease that isn’t that bad for most people and yet be so willing to split a family up over. Especially since my brother and his family are vaccinated. Aren’t they protected? Why are they so scared? This whole topic is so backwards to me. And don’t think you’re protecting us with this decision, we’re fine being around people – we accept whatever consequences come from that decision. But whatever, man. You do you, bro.

Dec 9: Angry

I will never understand the need to fix something that is not broken. Case in point – there is one nurse at work needs to sit somewhere quiet so that she can focus and get her work done. I totally get that, I’m the same way. But in order to make this one nurse happy, instead of moving her desk to a more quiet office, management feels the need to move EVERYONE, separating the MA’s from their nurses, putting all the MA’s together and putting the nurses together(ish – they are spread out all over the clinic), thereby disrupting an otherwise good system that worked for most of the teams, (expect for the nurse that is unhappy). So now, instead of one unhappy nurse that you could have moved someplace else, you have a whole clinic that has been disrupted and not terribly happy with their new seating arrangements. And if that wasn’t bad enough. there aren’t enough desks to house all of the MA’s so I have to share my desk with E, (who has opposite clinic days than I do) so in essence, I don’t have a desk anymore. Did it have to be this way? Nope, it could have been handled differently but as usual, management won’t deal with a sole individual that is having trouble, or not doing her job, but instead, has to make blanket statements and policies that affect everyone and didn’t need to be changed to begin with because it worked for most people.

I had two choices – I could sit in a large room with six MA’s, or share my spot with E. I knew there was no way in hell I could sit in a large room with six other MA’s, all talking at once, all being loud, goofing off, without getting fired because I know me, that situation would make me lose my cool and I would inevitably tell someone to shut up, or get back to work, and then I would be fired. So I opted to share my desk because it was the lesser evil of the two choices. Am I happy about it? Nope. Not at all. But hey, at least that one nurse is happy now.

AARGH.

We had a group of parents protesting outside a local middle school today. The school district is continuing to mandate masks even though the state of Missouri was sued and it was determined that the local health department didn’t have the authority to make those mandates. It was nice to see people actually STANDING up for a change. That’s been my biggest beef with this whole COVID scamdemic – the fact that people didn’t question why they were being forced to wear masks, social distance, etc – everyone just blindly went along with whatever was suggested like mindless sheeple. So gross and disturbing to me. At least these parents had the balls to finally stand up and say ENOUGH.

Dec 13: Disgusted

Covering four clinics this week – sucks.

Dec 17: Confident

Worked Dr. W’s clinic today. One of the patients came in with oxygen and was clearly struggling to breathe. Took his blood pressure and it was super high, like stroke level. The nurse told him he needed to go to the ER, especially given his heart failure history, which only served to upset him further. I was walking down the hallway when I encountered both him and his son. I leaned over and very softly calmed him down. I explained that though he may have back pain, he could live with that, he couldn’t live without a heart. I encouraged him to get checked out because we didn’t want anything to happen to him. His son had to turn his oxygen up all the way and to constant because he was struggling so much. I don’t know what happened to the patient, I hope he’s okay, but it’s important to treat high blood pressure seriously – it could be deadly if left untreated.

Dec 18: Happy

Mom/dad came over for our Christmas party today. Small group, just us and them. But it was fun and we didn’t have to compete with anyone to have a conversation, so that was nice. We had sub sandwiches for lunch and mom spent three days in the kitchen making all sorts of goodies for us. (My favorite being the fudge – it’s the only time of year I eat fudge and this year mom made cinnamon fudge! Yum!). In addition to bringing over all sorts of yummy sweets over, mom brought over a saran wrapped ball. We passed the ball around and the person with the ball had to unwrap it and whatever fell out, that person got to keep. In the meantime, the person next to them is rolling dice and if that person gets a pair, then the person with the ball has to stop unwrapping and hand the ball to the next person. Mom bought a bunch of Dollar store items and put them in the ball. It was a really fun game. Brandon was the last person to unwrap the ball and he got a $20 bill! Here’s a video snippet:

We then played “Say Anything,” another really fun game where you ask questions and then you write down what you think the person asking the question would say. It could be a serious answer or something totally outrageous and that was also a lot of fun – a lot of laughs. Our boys came up with some really funny answers. Highly recommend if you’re looking for an easy, group game suitable for all ages. Mom makes us ornaments every year and every year, she will hang the ornaments in the Christmas tree and we have to find the ornaments with our name on it. She attaches some money to the ornaments and that is my parents’ gift to us. These are the ornaments this year:

Mom didn’t make the little tin camper, I just threw that in because I’m sort of obsessed with it right now. We found it at Hobby Lobby. (Or was it Wal-Mart?)

It was a fun day. We missed the rest of the family and maybe we can get together next year but like I said, we are going to continue living our lives – I guess people can come along if they so choose.

Dec 19: Tired

We went over to Kevin’s parents’ house today for our Christmas party. Again, it was super small and just us and his parents. Though there are a few kids that feel strongly about the vaccine, the biggest reason we didn’t all get together was because most of the kids were arriving at different times and Kevin’s parents’ house is not that big so there wouldn’t have been room to house everyone anyway. Kevin’s mom made us lasagna and we had pizza, too. After being completely stuffed, we played The Left/Right game. Here’s how it works. You grab a gift from a gift pile. One person reads a story and every time you hear left or right, you pass it either left or right to the person next to you. Once the story is completed, then you keep the gift you end up with. Here’s a snippet:

 

It’s sad when your holidays start changing but when your family grows up and starts having families of their own and we get too big to house everyone, you have to be flexible.

It was a fun weekend, but I was pretty pooped out by the time it was over.

Dec 21: Poopy

I felt pretty poopy today at work. I was worried that I had a cold, or God forbid, COVID, so I was pretty nervous taking my weekly COVID test. I have to take a weekly test because I filed a religious exemption against taking the vaccine and getting tested is part of my deal with my employer. It’s a spit test, I don’t have to stick a Q-tip up my nose, thankfully, but it’s still a pain in the ass to do every week.

Luckily, it came back negative. I wasn’t too worried that it would be COVID, because again, I’m not scared of the disease and I’m pretty sure I had COVID in April 2021 so I’m betting I have natural immunity, but I didn’t know how long I would have to be off work and I didn’t want to inconvenience my co-workers if that happened.

Dec 23: Impatient

UGH. The last day of work before a holiday is BRUTAL. It goes so slow and you just end up watching the clock, which moves slower than you’ve ever noticed before. I was practically crawling up the walls before the day was over, I was so anxious to GET OUT.

Dec 24: Happy

Boys came over about 2:00 PM. We played a new game I bought with the Barnes and Noble gift card my work peeps gave me for my birthday. The name of the game is “Forbidden Island” and it’s a lot of fun. It’s a collaborative game where everyone has to work together, grab four treasures then get off the island before it sinks. Highly recommend. It was really fun. We played that game several times on Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

We played another game, Codename, and though it was fun, it wasn’t as fun and it got too easy after a while. Blake wasn’t a big fan of that game and he got pretty frustrated with it so we didn’t play it as much.

We also watched UHF – do not recommend. It has Weird Al Yankovic in it and .. honestly, it’s just stupid. But Blake had run across it and thought it was funny and Brandon hadn’t seen it, so we watched it.

The boys spent the night with us Christmas Eve night and it felt good to have the whole family under one roof again.

Christmas Day! – Relaxed

We all rolled out of bed about 8, (Blake finally rolled out about 9), and we cooked the kids a big breakfast of scrambled eggs, waffles and bacon. (Brandon says this is his favorite part of the holiday). After breakfast, the kids opened their gifts. Christmas is not as exciting as it used to be. We don’t buy the kids anything fun anymore, we buy them things they need but hate to spend money on. Not exciting to open, but they appreciate them when it comes time to use them in their day-to-day life. We did buy them an Air Fryer and they seemed pretty interested in that. We kept the Air Fryer at our house so that we could experiment with it. Kevin chopped up sweet potatoes fries and we tried them in the fryer. They were good, but needed more oil, too dry. But we’re keeping the fryer at our house and we will learn how to make fried chicken in it on New Year’s Eve. That is one of Blake’s favorite meals and I know he won’t use the fryer unless we show him how to first, and I’m curious, to be honest, what it’s like and how it cooks the food.

LeRoy came over after gifts and Kevin made him breakfast and gave him his gifts. We all relaxed and did our own thing after that. We had pulled chicken wraps for lunch and then the boys and I went for a walk around the neighborhood because it was a beautiful, warm day. I heard on the news that our town hasn’t experienced a warm December like this since 1870’s.

Now, before you go calling climate change, read the last part of the previous sentence. The last time it was this warm was in the late 1800’s – meaning, it HAS happened before and that was waaay before gas cars and every other modern convenience that environmental wackos enthusiasts spout that is harmful to our climate.

Anyway …

After our walk, we played some more Forbidden Island and Sequence, then we ate turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans and corn for dinner. (And sweet potato fries in the air fryer). The kids stayed a bit after dinner then we helped them load up their gifts and they went home.

Christmas was chill and relaxed and I loved it!

Dec 26: Sleepy

I took the day off from work so I enjoyed a four-day weekend. I’m not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Most of the providers are out-of-the office this week so it should be quiet. I plan on working on my CMA (certified medical assistant) credits this week because I have to have 10 credits before I’m eligible to renew my certificate and I have a 20% coupon that expires on 1-5-22 that I want to use because renewing that stuff ain’t cheap. It’s good for two years.

I spent a large part of my day planning what I want to post on this blog, my podcast(s) and writing this blog post today. It was nice. But I’m really sleepy so I’ll probably go to bed early tonight so I’m fresh and feeling sassy for work tomorrow.

Dec 31: Tired

Boys came over about 4:00. Blake and I made some chicken strips in the air fryer and they turned out great. I can’t wait to buy one for us. The oil sprayer I bought was disappointing – it doesn’t come with a mist feature?? Maybe I’m using it wrong. 

We watched The Matrix, both 1 and 2, and I really liked them. (Though the sex scene in the 2nd Matrix was really awkward to watch with the kids). Kevin wasn’t impressed with the second one and LeRoy was completely lost on both movies, but it was fun and relaxing. The boys have never been interested in watching movies with us in the past so it was a real treat to watch movies with them. I think they’re finally realizing there is a world outside their video games. We also watched Weekend at Bernies – it was Kevins’ suggestion. There are some funny moments, but overall, it’s a really dumb movie. 

Everyone stayed until about 1:00 AM – I was so tired I felt sick. But it was fun!

Welcome 2022! Please be nice!

(My Reflections posts are more stream-of-consciousness kind of posts so I apologize up front if some of what you read doesn’t make sense. But this is me we’re talking about here so … are you really surprised?)

Nov 1: Today was the first day I actually felt “normal,” whatever that means nowadays. I wasn’t dizzy, I had energy, I felt great! It was such a relief to actually feel like myself again. And again, I will doing whatever I need to do to NOT sink into a Vertigo hole again – it was awful, would not recommend. Worked Dr. M’s clinic today and saw him for the first time since “THE INCIDENT.” I was a little embarrassed to face him but I gave him a big hug and told him thanks for basically holding my hand throughout that whole nightmare. I also hugged H, Dr. M’s physician’s assistant, and thanked her for making sure I had a fresh barf bag and for wiping snot from my nose. We all had cookie cake together after clinic today and it was nice to sit down and just chit chat for a change. I really do care about my work family. They are very good to me.

I had a little trouble getting my car started this morning. Actually, it wouldn’t start at all. I knew it wasn’t the battery, we just replaced the battery not too long ago. My car wouldn’t recognize my fob. Which has never happened before and I had no idea what to do about it. Kevin tried his fob and it did the same thing – just dead in the water. Since I needed to get to work, Kevin took me to work and then spent some time reading the manual to figure out what was going on. Apparently, there is a small panel inside my drink holder that I can hold my fob up to and it will connect to the car and come on. I had NO idea that was even there but it’s good to know for future reference. I guess the fob lost the sync with the car. I don’t know, I can’t pretend to know what I’m talking about here. My car only has a push ignition, it doesn’t take a key, which is weird and I’ve never liked it and this is the reason why – because if something happens to your fob you’re sort of SOL. After Kevin figured out how to get it started again, we figured the batteries in the fobs must be dead so he bought some fresh batteries to put into the fobs. What’s weird is that his fob also wouldn’t work – what are the odds that BOTH fobs’ batteries died at the exact same time? So crazy. But, at least I was home and we weren’t traveling or something – it could always be worse, right? Also, I will now put a notice to myself in my calendar to change the batteries every year.

I had to submit my first sputum sample today. That was fun. As a condition of my religious exemption being granted I have to test weekly for COVID. It doesn’t really matter when I test each week, it just has to be done each week. I’ll likely test after clinic is over on Mondays – that seems to be a good time for me. I received some papers with a map to tell me where to go to get a test and some stickers with my information on them to use for my samples. When I checked in, I gave them one of the stickers, they gave me a bottle and a biohazard bag and told me to spit into the bottle, put another sticker label on the bottle and put the bottle into the biohazard bag. I’m supposed to receive a text, I think, whenever the results come back. I have no idea what to expect if it comes back positive but of course, if it comes back negative, I’m cleared to work for the rest of the week. I guess I’ll just make sure I have some paid time off in my bank in case it comes back positive. Who knows what is going to happen. At any rate, this will continue for the unforeseeable future. No one really knows how long it will last but whatever, I don’t really mind, I still have a job, this is quick and easy and at least it’s not a Qtip up the nose – I’m good.

The boys came over last night for Halloween. The weather was nice enough we hung outside on our pergola, built a fire in our outdoor fireplace and ate chili dogs. We didn’t do much, just chit-chatted and enjoyed each others’ company. I think the boys enjoyed it, too. They really liked keeping the fire going. We saw a few trick-or-treaters out but not very many. We don’t get many trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood because our houses are spaced so far apart that it’s a lot of walking for little legs. We don’t even bother trying to hand out candy because no one ever comes.

IT’S GO TIME! NaNoWriMo starts today and according to my time management calendar, I’m slated to write 1000 words today. I didn’t really know what I was going to write or how I was going to start it until I got home from work today. I have a writing sprint up, (these videos REALLY help me get motivated to write), and I will hopefully write 1000 words before I go to bed tonight. Good luck, fellow NaNoWriMos!

Nov 2: Surprise! I don’t have COVID. Shocker! I found out by checking my chart in our system. (You can look up your own record, but you CAN NOT look up your family members or be in a chart without a damn good reason – like it’s a patient coming into the clinic). Then I received a robotic message on my phone. I didn’t like that because I thought they weren’t going to call you unless it was positive so now I will be holding my breath every time I get a robo call on my phone. Though to be fair, I will likely look it up in my chart before I get THE CALL. Anyway. I will doing this for the foreseeable future. Not ideal, but still, it’s not a Qtip up my nose, so that’s a plus.

Nov 3: I pretty much feel back to normal. I get a little woozy if I turn my head quickly, so I try not to do that and not look like a robot.  We had lunch as a team today because we’re still trying to celebrate PA (Physician Assistant) and MA (Medical Assistant) weeks because it’s hard to get all of us together at the same time though to be fair, it’s mostly Dr. M’s fault because he’s a busy man and usually needs to jet after clinics for various doctor stuff. I love these team luncheons, though. I especially love it when we just sit around and crack jokes or shoot the breeze. It’s nice to get away from the clinic setting and just … be people. Believe it or not, we don’t usually talk about patients, though we have, but just catch up on each other’s lives. That tells me we all care about each other and LIKE each other, which is such a rarity nowadays. I know we all appreciate the fact that we have a rare team dynamic and that it doesn’t happen very often, if at all, which I think is another reason why we’re all so close – it’s just unusual. For example, I work with another MA who desperately wants the same connection our team does but her and her nurse are just too different and it’s never going to work. They work together, but they don’t necessarily like each other, which is sad, but typical, I feel. I know how she feels – I used to work with a nurse that I DESPISED. And it wasn’t her personality that I hated, per se, though she was one of those loud, obnoxious people I would equate with fingernails down a chalkboard, but she was just a lousy nurse. She didn’t care about people, she wasn’t very smart when it came to applying her skills to real-life applications, though she was book smart, I guess, and she was just abrasive in nature. I don’t respond to that and by the time shit hit the fan, I just couldn’t even stand to breathe the same air as her. So I get it. It’s really hard to work with someone you dislike or just don’t jive with. That’s why I really, REALLY appreciate the people on my team that much more. IT’S RARE. So I live for these luncheons. I really do. They are fun, relaxing and give us all a moment to bond just a little bit more.

Nov 4: Dr. S’s MA – the other Dr. S, not the Dr. S I routinely work with, had a funeral to go and I was the only MA who wasn’t assigned to work a clinic that day. So I had to work his clinic at the last minute. I didn’t really mind – these things happen – LIFE happens, so I worked his clinic. T, the MA that had to go to the funeral, had prepped everything and all I had to do was put people in the rooms and start the ambulatory portion of the note so it was easy peasy. Dr. S has been working remotely since COVID hit so I knew I wouldn’t have to deal with him directly, which is a good thing, because Dr. S is a SCARY man, only in that he flies off the handle easily and he can be a monster to be around when that happens. Here’s how it works. Patients show up, I put them in a room, do my thing, take their blood pressures and then the PA comes in and does his thing. After he’s done, I put the patient into the “virtual” room and Dr. S. comes on and talks to them. It’s really not that big of a deal though patients aren’t necessarily happy about seeing/talking to their doctor on a laptop.  But that’s what Dr. S wants to do and we’ll continue to do that until he either gets tired of dealing with his patients that way or when insurance says they will no longer pay for Telemedicine visits. There’s some talk that that will happen next year, but who knows what will happen next year – hell, we though COVID was going to be over THIS year and that didn’t happen. And I’m predicting there will be another “variant” when it’s time for the 2022 mid-terms so … COVID is not going away. We just have to learn to deal with it.

Nov 5: I went into work nervous today. In order to be included in an MA program to recruit new MA’s from the hospital’s MA educational program and potentially get MA’s from the program to come work with us, we have to be “re-certified” every year. Which means, we have to be tested on blood pressures, drawing up injections and quizzed on various safety protocols. It’s a good idea, I’m not knocking the necessity of that being done, but when it comes to me, it makes me nervous because remember, I never had any formal education on becoming an MA – I just sort of fell into it. I learned on the job and I learned a TON when I studied up for my certification. I’ve been an MA now for nearly eight years so I know my stuff, but I know my stuff when it comes to my job at this clinic. We’re not a typical clinic – we don’t do blood draws or EKG’s like a lot of other MA’s are required to do in their offices so I went into this feeling anxious. We all had assigned times, my time was 10:00 AM. However, at 9:30 AM, one of the nurses dropped off the schedule and came to me to let me know that I could go in her spot and I walked/jogged to the room to make the appointment. By the time I got there, I was out of breath and they were getting started. I lucked out and was able to do the appointment with T, the nurse I usually work with, so that helped, but the first thing the instructor wanted to do was take my blood pressure.

I always cringe whenever anyone takes my blood pressure because I know it will be high. I’ve always run high. I don’t know why, I just do. Part of the reason, I guess, is because I’m always sort of worked up, hyped up and nervous at work because I’m always ON. I’m hyperaware of what is going on and I always have so much to do that I’m very focused on the job at hand. Anyway, I knew it was going to be high, especially since I walked/jogged to the appointment at the last minute and I wasn’t given a chance to calm down before the reading was taken. Pro tip: that’s usually the reason your blood pressure is taken at the end of your interview with the MA and not at the beginning because you need to give the patient time to settle down before taking their BP as it will likely give you a more accurate reading.

T, my nurse took my blood pressure on a teaching stethoscope, meaning, it was two stethoscopes in one so that the instructor could listen as well to make sure our readings were close and yes, it was high: 173/110. Yikes. I felt weird, too. Just … off. Not dizzy. My heart didn’t hurt, just … weird. I can’t really describe it. After it was over, I went to a quiet place in the clinic and took my pressure again on an automatic BP machine. (We routinely use an automatic – it’s quicker and it’s more accurate than you think it might be). It was 146/93. Still high, but not as high. After some time, I took it again and it was 134/88 – better. Anyway, I’m on a mission to lower my BP. I need to buy a machine for home and monitor it at home, too. I’m curious to see what it is when I’m relaxed and not at work – I’m betting it’s pretty close to normal. I need to know this as well as I’m sure the nurse practitioner I’m seeing on December 2nd will ask me what it runs at home.

Other than that, it was a busy Friday. the phones were CRAZY. I was covering the calls for another physician’s team and he had close to 30 calls, which is crazy. Dr. M only had about ten. Pro tip: if you’re a patient and you call the office multiple times and we try and call you back with an answer and you don’t answer, you go to the bottom of the priority list. If you’re expecting a call from your doctor’s office, keep your phone close and ready to answer because I can assure you, we do not, and will not, take the time to hunt your down because we have 15 other people who need to be called back. And you have to give the office time to process your question. This may mean they are waiting on an answer from the doctor, or your insurance is giving us trouble, or we simply haven’t had time to actually call you back. Be patient, please. It will happen it just may not happen as fast as YOU would like it happen but remember, you’re not the only patient. Chill.

Nov 6: I think I have finally figured out that I’m not cut out to write a novel. I just don’t like writing long pieces of fiction. I’m more of a short story writer. I’m not giving up on NaNaWriMo, but I am changing my strategy. I’m writing whatever the hell I want to write. Whether that’s a blog post, a short story, or parts of my “novel.” I don’t have ADHD but when it comes to writing, I am wondering.

I got my hair done today. I dye it back to my “original” color though it’s dark and I’m getting so much gray hair that I may have to start getting it worked on more often. I currently get my hair done every 12 weeks. And I only have her trim it because I end up putting it up most of the time, so why bother with an actual “style?” However. She cut my bangs too short so now I will have sideswept bangs until it grows out. Ha! No worries. It’s hair, it’ll grow back. I never quite understand these women you see on YouTube that agonize for hours about whether they should cut a few inches off or not and then end up regretting it and act like their lives are going to be over. It’s hair, people. I understand that hair can, and often is, part of one’s identity, but geez louise, enough with the drama. The thing is, I end up paying over $100 dollars for each salon visit, which makes me sick to my stomach. Is this price normal? I mean, she’s good, her cuts ARE really good and it’s not her fault she cut my bangs too short, I tell her to do that most of the time so I don’t have to worry about them getting too long before my next appointment, but wow – that’s a lot of money. But to be fair, she does spend two hours on me so … $50 an hour? I’m sure some of that money has to go to the salon and her booth rental but still … I’m just cheap, I guess. No. I don’t guess, I’m cheap.

Spent a considerable amount of time on Barnes and Noble’s website to figure out what to spend my $30 gift card on only to decide and get ready to check out and the website goes down. FRUSTRATING. (I’m buying two games, in case you were curious. We love board games. I don’t buy physical books anymore – I don’t have room for them! I’m strictly an Amazon Kindle reader now).

Nov 9: This is my least favorite day of the year – my birthday.

I was unreasonably angry this day and I’m not quite sure why. I’ve always hated my birthday – always. I don’t like the attention, to be honest. Yeah, yeah, it’s the day I was born and it’s nice to hear people tell me happy birthday, but you know what? I really don’t care.

But as I get older, I just get ANGRY. Time goes by so fast and I don’t want it to. Slow down! What’s the rush? And then when I look in the mirror, sure, I have a few more wrinkles but I don’t think I look THAT old and yet, when I think of the NUMBER … GAH. Seriously!?? It’s the weirdest thing, and just wait, you’ll get there, but when you get older, it’s almost like it’s happening to someone else. It can’t be my birthday, AGAIN? Can it? And so SOON?

And I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like we lost two years of our life with this crazy pandemic crap.

And I know part of the reason I feel this way is because I haven’t achieved my goals yet and time is ticking! Father Time doesn’t wait for anyone and I’m left behind with my mouth hanging open and wondering how the old man got past me.

We used to decorate and give gifts for birthdays, doctor’s day, nurse’s week, etc. but there are so many of these celebrations every year that we felt like we were constantly throwing a party and spending way too much money, so now, we eat lunch and/or desert together and call it a celebration. I’m absolutely okay with that, by the way, I would prefer just to spend time together and have some laughs, that works for me. The lovely H brought me a cake and we ate part of that on Monday, (it was really funny because the icing was so heavy that it fell off the side and by the time we got around to cutting into it, it was lopsided and funky – which was perfect because ever since my vertigo episode that’s exactly how I’ve felt!) and T brought me donuts on Wednesday. Krispy Kreme donuts, I might add, because she knows they are Kryptonite to me. (I can seriously, and have, eaten a whole dozen in one sitting before).

I then worked late, came home, barked at Kevin because I wasn’t in the mood to talk about my birthday anymore because I was tired and OLD and went to bed early.

Bah humbug.

Also, one of the new MA’s started today and I’ve been assigned, (Okay, I volunteered. Also, I’ve been working Dr. S’s clinics and she will be Dr. S’s MA so it seemed the most logical thing to do to take her under my wing), to train her and though I’m very excited that she’s here, I know I’m going to be behind and working late to catch up these next few months. I get .50 per hour more for “mentor” pay so though it’s going to be hard and exhausting, the paycheck is going to look good! Booyah!

Nov 11: I’m off work! I took a little vacation time because I’m burned out and since I wasn’t able to take my vacation at the end of September because of the whole hanging onto my job with my fingernails thing and putting in my resignation only for the hospital to approve my religious exemption appeal at the last minute, I lost that time. I wanted to go ahead and head out to Branson for our camping trip, but Thursdays are the busiest day of the weeks for Kevin so I hung out at home, relaxed and just vegged. It was nice.

Nov 12: Kevin worked the morning and while he worked, I packed up the trailer. It’s getting easier. All I have to do is pack our clothes and food and we’re pretty much ready to go. We learn something every time we go on a trip, though to be fair, this was only our second time using the trailer, but we’ll get it down to a science before long.

I wrote about our trip here, if you’re interested in reading all about it.

Side note: I was shopping around on Etsy and ran across some cool stickers for the trailer. I really like this one and this one, but Kevin doesn’t seem to be overly interested in either option so we’ll see if I can talk him into something like this. I would really like to jazz up the outside of the trailer with either a decal/wrap around something on the outside of something like these stickers. I don’t like that the trailer looks so plain but that’s the part that Kevin likes. He likes being “incognito” and making people think it’s just a trailer and not a living space. He doesn’t want to draw attention to it but to be honest, when we’re parked in a campground with all of these $50,000 RV’s surrounding us, we sort of stick out – I like to affectionately call us the “Beverly Hillbillies” of camping – I don’t think Kevin likes my pet name for the trailer.

Nov 16: Back to work and hit the ground running. The new girl, E, was with me and we worked Dr. S’s clinic for the first time. Dr. S’s team had already met her, she interviewed with them briefly before she was hired, so they weren’t complete strangers though you know how it goes when you start a new job, it’s just awkward. She’s pretty sharp though and I think she’s going to catch on fast, thank goodness. I like Dr. S and her team, but I’ve been taking care of two teams now for six months and I’m READY to get back to normal.

Though we have a nurse quitting December 1st so … *sigh* No rest for the weary.

Continue reading “November 2021 Reflections” →

Oct 1: I don’t know if you guys actually visited my blog in October but this was the header. When I saw it on Unsplash, it IMMEDIATELY resonated with me. I’m not sure why. Sure, it’s creepy, but there’s something compelling about all of the hands on the wall, like they are begging for help. I feel like this was a common theme this past year, and really, this year as well. Who knew that 2021 would be just as awful as 2020. Well, maybe not AS awful –  our lives pretty much went on though my job situation was stressful, but still, definitely not normal. And the quote I put on the header:

Stare at the dark
too long and you
will eventually see
what isn’t there.

I feel like that perfectly captures people’s mindsets nowadays. We’ve all been staring, obsessing, over this COVID thing and what the media and the government was telling us that we couldn’t see the truth behind the handprints. We didn’t stop to use any sort of critical thinking skills, we just blindly went along to get along, and though we’re slowly getting back to normal, at least some aspects of the country are, the keyword is S.L.O.W.L.Y.

I was Dr. S’s medical assistant today and we traveled to an outlying clinic. I have mixed feelings on outlying clinics. On one hand, I hate them because you have to pack, you have to work in an unfamiliar environment, you race to get things set up when you get there and it’s stressful until you have some rooms full and you give your doctor and your mid-level something to do. On the other hand, it’s nice to get out of the office, the team is much more relaxed and you get to know them a little better than you would in the clinic and though the change is stressful, it’s also challenging – break out of the same ole, same ole.

The clinic ran smoothly – like REALLY smoothly. Like, not one thing went wrong. All of the patients showed up, Dr. S’ got two surgeries out of it so it was worth her time to go and everyone was in a good mood. I really enjoyed it. I like this particular clinic because we use a family provider’s office and it’s part of the hospital so we don’t have to worry about Internet connections, which is REALLY nice because I have worked some clinics where we use a competing hospital’s office and we have to take Wi-Fi hot spots and connecting with that is sometimes a challenge and then the doctor is waiting on me and I can’t do anything because I don’t have Internet … it’s stressful. Not fun. But this was a pleasure to work and I wouldn’t mind working that clinic more often, to be honest.

My manager gave me the green light to leave early so it was really nice to get home an hour early and just breathe. When we had our MA meeting, I again brought up the proposal of taking turns leaving early on Fridays – just leaving a few hours early on a Friday, once in a while, does the mental health GOOD.

Oct 2: Kevin bought a fancy-smancy camera for our podcast. Like, a professional-grade camera, like a $1,500 camera. *gulp* I don’t really have a problem with him spending that much money because A. cameras are his hobby and I know he actually got a good deal on it because he bought it from eBay and the normal price for this type of camera is $5,000 new but B. I trust his judgement. It’s not like he goes out and spends money like this all the time.

I was really more worried about the timing of the purchase, to be honest. Again, I have no idea what is going to happen with my job. Though my religious exemption was approved to opt out of the COVID jab, I still haven’t heard back about the flu vaccine and the clock is ticking. I have no idea what I’m going to do if they deny it but at the same time, how can they deny it if they approved my COVID jab request? My point being, I have no idea how long I will have this job. Not to mention, the “conditions” of this approval haven’t been discussed yet so again, I have no idea how this is logistically going to work out and for how long. And how long will I put up with it? I’d like to stay at this hospital for my remaining working years but again, who knows with everything else going on right now? At any rate, we filmed our Right From Us podcast last night and the camera worked like a dream and Kevin seems really happy with the quality of it. He’s editing it now and will post it soon. You can find that podcast on YouTube, (though only an introduction since YouTube won’t allow free speech anymore), Rumble and Gab TV for the full, unedited versions.

Oct 3: Jumping into Preptober! I freaking love this time of year and it really gets me excited to write fiction. I plan on buying Natalia Leigh’s Preptober Workbook. It looks like it has a lot of fun stuff to help prepare for NaNoWriMo next month. She’s asking for donations, just give what you can and what you think it’s worth. Then you can print it off and pay a place to bind it for you if you wish. I am happy to donate some money to her because she spent a lot of time on the project and it’s going to help so many people. I don’t know if I’ll bind it and I likely won’t use all of the pages, but there are some that look really promising.

Kevin still have his diesel truck. He’s had a few bites but no luck so far. He actually took it off Craigslist because he wants to try a few things to see if he can get it up and running enough to maybe ask more for it. The truck body itself is in excellent condition and F250 diesel trucks go for a lot of money so it makes him sick to think he might sell it and come to find out, it was an easy fix. So, he’s not giving up on the diesel truck yet. I have yet to ride in his new truck.

Oct 7: I found out today that my flu vaccine exemption request was denied. I was not surprised. I’m not even that upset about it because I understand it. I’ve taken flu vaccines in the past, how could they approve it? I’m at peace with this decision. I will do what I think is best for me and my family at this point in time. I will get the vaccine. However, I know, at some point, likely in the near future, this decision will likely come back and bite me in the ass. Because at some point in time, they, the government, Big Pharma, are going to come up with a flu vaccine that will incorporate the mRNA because it supposedly makes producing vaccines faster. And perhaps it does. But until mRNA has been thoroughly vetted and tested, and until I’m convinced that it will most likely not harm me, as opposed to now when I don’t have that opinion, I will NOT succumb. So. What does this mean for my future with the hospital? I don’t know. And I don’t care at this point in time. I’m sick of thinking about it, I’m sick of stressing about it, I’m sick of living under this black cloud. I am at a point in my life right now that I am DETERMINED to live my life the best way I know how and right now, that means one day at a time. A lot can happen before next August, which is the deadline for my religious COVID exemption, I don’t know what that means but I suspect something is coming that I will not be on board with, but for now, I have a job and I’m thankful. I was told today that the hospital is working out the logistics on where and how I will succumb to a weekly COVID test – again, I will deal with that when it happens.

You know what’s weird? I’ve done such a good job of just pretending and moving past this nightmare that when my manager came to me today to tell me about the flu vaccine decision, I was surprised. I had momentarily forgotten that I was on probation, so to speak. I had forgotten that it was even an issue. I want to go back to to those days. When people minded their own damn business and left me the hell alone.

I will get back to those times. Mark my words.

Brandon has been having a lot of problems with his hands. He is very sensitive to a lot of things. We took him to an allergist when he was small – they poked his back with a number of different things and he had a reaction to a lot of them – the worst being oak. Which was unfortunate because we have four huge Oak trees across the street from us. But his hands seem particularly sensitive. He has had outbreaks for years – red, splotchy, peeling, itchy. He’s tried all sorts of OTC creams and some of them helped for a bit, but here lately, it’s gotten bad. He works at a bank so I’m betting handling all of that filthy money all day only makes it worse. I finally talked him into going to a doctor and they prescribed him something today that he says seems to be working pretty good. I don’t know what the medication is yet because he hasn’t answered my text yet (*ahem*), but I’ll let you know when he does. But it warms my heart that he took the initiative to seek help. That he’s being helped. That he’s healing and will get better. There is nothing worse than seeing your offspring hurting or in pain. It’s a very helpless feeling and I don’t know how much more helpless I can take. I want to be in control of my life and I feel like this past year and a half, has been complete chaos. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. I want off this merry-go-round. And I’m jumping off in 3…2…1…

Oct 9: So tired today. This is one of those days I could sleep all day. Sometimes that happens to me, I just want to sleep. I remember doing that a few times back before I met Kevin and lived on my own. There would be entire days I would sleep and then sleep all night. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was just exhausting. And of course, I was exhausted the next day, too. I could easily do that again.

Trying to make plans to go camping in November. There is a campground just off the strip in Branson that we have stayed at before and it’s walking distances to so many attractions. We haven’t made reservations yet, but I really want to go.

Question – when they start requiring me to test weekly for COVID, (*eye roll*), how will that work when I’m out of town or on vacation? I’m assuming I will have to test on Saturday to give them time to get the results back before Monday, what if I’m not in town on Saturday? For example, this upcoming mini vacation – I’m taking off Thursday and will be back on Tuesday. How will I test then? Will I have to take the rest of the week off? Will it be a rapid test? It will be interesting to see how this shakes out.

This is the last hot weekend of the season, I think. I’m ready for cooler temperatures and sweatshirt weather.

Oct 11: Dr. M was back in the clinic today. He was a good patient and wore his sling all day. He was back to his old self and it was really good to see. I hope it lasts. I, however, was bored. This job is never slow but sometimes boring. Just because it’s the same thing, over and over again, at least, the process. Patients, of course, are never the same. It make me feel good when patients recognize me and greet me like we’re old friends. I guess that’s what happens when you work for one doctor for ten years.

Oct 13: Dr. M was pretty frustrated today. He had three surgeries that needed immediate attention and obviously he can’t do surgeries for a while so he had to refer them to his partners to take care of. This is his livelihood, this is what he’s gone to school for so many years to do and he can’t do it until he heals. He was a bit cranky today but considering the circumstances, I completely understand and empathize with him.

Kevin sold his F250 today! He didn’t get as much for it as I had hoped but he didn’t do too badly, either. Some guy in Arkansas bought it – he and his buddy work on trucks so this will be the perfect project for them to tackle. I think Kevin is relieved that it’s going to someone that can work on it because if he can get it up and running, he’s got a great truck on his hands. The body is in great shape. The truck is still sitting at LeRoy’s house, the guy has to have his buddy come back with him to tow it back home. I think Kevin is relieved but he’s also sad to see it go. It was a BEAST of a truck. His new(ish) F150 is nice but it’s not as mean as the F250. I’m relieved he’s getting rid of it because I didn’t realize when he bought it how much maintenance a diesel engine was. It’s a handful.

Continue reading “October 2021 Reflections” →

So I’m actually starting this post on July 17th because quite frankly, I’ve had so much on my mind that I completely forgot to write anything. But I’m DETERMINED to start this new “habit” so I’m starting today – I have my mood tracker in my bullet journal to look back on and elaborate on but who knows, maybe I’ll make something up. I’ll leave it up to you to guess whether is really happened or not.

And my right eye will NOT stop watering and it’s really starting to annoy me – also – I hope my false eyelash doesn’t come off because there is nothing worse than a wonky eyelash. Well, there are worse things and yes, I wear false eyelashes.

July 2: The nurse I work with – her youngest daughter – was “exposed” to COVID though it’s unsure whether someone actually contracted COVID or if Bonnie’s husband, first cousin’s friend had it. Her daughter wasn’t sick but she still had to self-isolate for ten days which meant my nurse and her husband had to scramble to figure out who was going to stay home with her and who was going to go to work. I’m so glad we don’t have small children in this day and age. Not just when it comes to COVID and the fact that parents are having to fight to even get their children in the door of schools and who knows what it will look like this Fall, but because of all the of the crap that school boards and unions are trying so hard to shove down children’s throats to start indoctrinating them to a certain way of thinking thereby molding them into voters who will vote for their crazy agendas in the future. I honestly think, if we were raising our boys in today’s society, we would yank them out of school and homeschool them. I know that’s not an option for many people because – bills – but if you can swing it, I would encourage you to give it a hard look – for your children’s sake.

I’m starting to find my groove with Dr. S’s clinics. I’m starting to get to know her a bit better and understand her preferences. As a result, her clinics are running better and she seems more relaxed and happy, at least, I hope so. Her patients, though, are needy and demanding. And it’s largely because she’s had team members in the past who weren’t firm and allowed themselves to be bullied into bending the rules. Look. People will be people and if you give someone an inch, they will likely take a mile. Not everyone, thank God, MOST people are great and it’s a pleasure to take care of them but there are the select few who will throw a fit and just be rude and nasty primarily because it’s worked for them in the past and why stop doing what works? Nope. That’s not going to work for me. There’s a new sheriff in town and I will do everything I can to help you but you will NOT bully me.

Period.

July 4: This is Blake’s favorite holiday. He loves blowing things up, lol. However, our July 4th has changed over the years and now we’re downright boring. We used to go to my in-laws who lived on the outskirts of town, with a bag full of fireworks and shoot them off but with my in-laws getting older and needing a smaller, more easily accessible place to live, we no longer have anywhere to go shoot off fireworks and so we stopped buying them.

The boys, my nephew, LeRoy and my parents came over and Kevin cooked steak burgers. They are the best hamburgers and by far my favorite. We had a nice dinner together and some great conversation and it was really nice to see my parents in the flesh – the hugs were pretty great, too. In fact, every time my mom hugged anyone my dad would say, “now you have the Rona.” Every time I think back on this past year and the fear we succumbed to it just makes me SO ANGRY. Never again.

After dinner, we went to a parking lot across the street from a nearby country club and mooched off their fireworks. The weather was perfect and we had excellent seats – we had a front row seat. And the fireworks were great – the ones at the end of the show looked 3D, like they were coming right for you. It was a lot of fun.

July 7th: The whole COVID experimental injectable thing is really starting to ramp up at work. Cases are on the rise and we have quite a few people in the hospital now with COVID. The hospital “claims” it’s due to the Delta variant that 100% of the patients in the hospital are not vaccinated but I find it hard to believe. I find it hard to believe anything “experts” say nowadays since these same “experts” keep changing their story every other day. It’s hard to know what’s true and what’s agenda. I still find it so fascinating, in a horror-kind of way, the sheer PUSH to get people vaccinated. Almost to the point it feels like desperation. Which makes me ask the question – why?? When you look at all the data, look at all sides of the issue, all of this for a disease that is not that serious for the majority of people? I’m not saying it’s not real, I’m not saying it’s not serious for some people, but the majority of people get through it fairly well … and there are medications and treatments that have proven effective to help combat the symptoms if given early on – why get a vaccine given this information? People are pushing vaccines in the hopes that life will get back to normal – news flash – it’s not. The hysteria and the lockdowns from this past year has changed our country. And the more people BULLY others to try and get this experimental injectable the more people are hesitant to get it.

And when the CEO of our hospital comes out with tweets telling people that DARE TO QUESTION THE EXPERTS to , SHUT UP, and then come out and say that the employees at our hospital that are hesitant to get something we don’t agree with and don’t know what it contains injected into our arms are hesitant because we’re not as educated as say, our doctors, is truly insulting.

That hesitation almost correlates directly with your educational level in our organization,” he said. “So our doctors have least hesitation. And lesser educated people have a higher hesitation. We get that it is very complicated.”

You arrogant piece of shit.

And on top of all of that, our competing hospital announced they are mandating the vaccine for their employees and they have until September 30th to get it done. The hospital I work for hasn’t mandated it yet, but it’s coming. It would be naïve of me to think it’s not happening soon. And on one hand, I get it, it’s a medical facility, they don’t want to inadvertently infect someone in the hospital when they are already vulnerable but what about MY rights? Is this something that I have to forfeit because I work there?

So, I’ve had a lot on my mind. I’m busy planning and plotting my next move. I’ve been very distracted and that’s the biggest reason I haven’t blogged much this month, or participated in the July Camp NaNoWriMo – I just don’t have the desire to create anything right now when my reality has been tilted on its axis.

July 9: Very disgruntled at work. Everything and everyone is annoying me. It’s like my eyes have been open and I feel like I already have one foot in and one foot out of this hospital. I’m mentally preparing myself to make changes though I’ve done very little as to actually make that happen. It’s not that I hope it won’t happen, it’s happening, I’m just trying to figure out the best course of action and timing is everything, quite honestly. Kevin is 100% backing me in whatever I decide to do. He thinks I should quit now while the job market is hot, and I don’t disagree with him, but I’m leaning more to waiting until they actually make an announcement. I’m so conflicted!

July 10: Kevin and I did something on our bucket list – we went and reserved our grave plots today. Ha! I know, how weird and morbid and no, it doesn’t have anything to do with COVID. We’re getting older, though we hope we have decades of living still left to do before we fall asleep, and it’s time to start thinking about where we want to be buried and to start paying for it as we don’t want to saddle our boys with the cost of our funeral. This all started with Kevin and LeRoy going out to visit Nanny’s grave, (LeRoy’s adopted mom), along with Kevin’s parents to pay their respects. While they were there, Kevin’s parents talked about their plots and how they would love it if the family would choose to be buried with the rest of the family. This got Kevin to thinking about our conversation, because we’ve had quite a few over the years, of where we wanted to be buried and to have it completely paid for before the day of our death. As it so happened, there were plots available near his parents so he came home to talk to me about it.

The whole subject makes me squirm because it’s so uncomfortable and morbid but death is a fact of life and we can’t pretend it’s not going to happen at some point. (Hopefully, not for DECADES to come). Before I wanted to give my consent, I wanted to talk to our boys and to my parents. My parents said they would likely be buried in a National cemetery since my dad was in the Army and the boys could care less what we decided or where we would be buried. It’s hard for them to think about that kind of thing because they’re in their mid-20’s and you feel immortal when you’re that age. So, we made an appointment and talked to the funeral .. representative. (I don’t know if they have an official name – this is new territory to me, give me a break!)

The girl we spoke with was very nice and even made us laugh telling us about a March Madness sale they had. I have no idea what death and sports have in common but their products were 40% off and we told her if they had any other kind of “promotions” like that to let us know because let’s fact it, 40% off caskets would be a good deal.

We have now reserved our plots. We know where we will be buried. It feels weird but it’s something we needed to do because you just never know what sort of curveball life will throw at you. We’re not scared of death, primarily because we’re saved and believe that Christ will come back to raise us from the dead, but we’re not welcoming it with open arms either. I think that’s one reason why people are so freaked out about this COVID crap – because they don’t have hope for the future. I find that sad, quite honestly.

Get saved – it’s easy.

Continue reading “July 2021 Reflections” →

So, instead of posting little blog blurbs here and there, I thought it would be fun to just blog my thoughts throughout the month and share them with you. Here are my thoughts for this month:

June 1: Covered Dr. S’s clinic today. It was a weird day though we did a pretty good job of staying ahead of the game. We had a surprise patient – someone that is related to someone at work. She started exhibiting signs of not being able to speak or put a thought together so this person got an MRI and it was discovered that she has a brain tumor. A pretty sizeable one, too. We worked that patient in to see Dr. S. and she ended up admitting the patient and will plan on doing surgery soon. It really makes me appreciate life and I’m very thankful that my pathetic problems are nothing when compared to other people’s struggles. I’m gearing up for this month – it’s going to be crazy busy but I have a few days off soon so that will help restore my mental stamina.

June 5: Beautiful Saturday, sunny and upper 70’s today. Kevin went treasure hunting, i.e., thrift stores, yard sales, etc, looking for merchandise for his booths. He says he’s been selling a lot of stuff lately and his stock is running low. I just got back from tanning, (Yes, I tan a few times a week in the summer months, not all year long – judge away), and now I’m getting ready to remotely access our charting system at work and look over Dr. M’s and Dr. S’s schedules for next week. I need to get ahead of the game because I’m taking a few days off in a few weeks and I want to make sure not only are the docs in good shape for the time I’m out but I’m automatically ahead when I go back. I don’t know what it is about short weeks, but this week felt like ten years long. I worked a lot of overtime and I was so tired Wednesday night I felt sick. I haven’t been getting that much deep sleep so I’m a walking zombie today. I’m forcing myself to write this and will be propping my eyelids open with toothpicks in order to get some work done today. Kevin and I will visit Eat, Fit, Go later tonight to buy healthy meals for the next week as we’re both so busy we don’t have the time, nor the desire, to cook anything. I canceled our Hello Fresh subscription because it’s just too expensive to keep it up. I’m getting ready to buy another pair progressive glasses – I just get bored wearing the same ones over and over again. Also, I wish my eyesight was better – I am getting to the point that I can’t see anything without wearing them now – depressing.

Went to an outlying clinic with Dr. S yesterday – it was actually a lot of fun. The town was about an hour away. It’s part of my hospital though so getting connected to the Internet and accessing our programs was a breeze. She saw seven patients which was very manageable. We got back to town about 3:00 PM – just enough time to make a few phone calls and get ready for Dr. M’s clinic on Monday. Taking care of two doctors is challenging, as long as I continue to tread water, we’ll be good.

Actually watched a series on Amazon Prime Video this past week instead of reading. Watched “Panic” – thinking I might do a review of that on my podcast. Are you listening?

June 7: Very productive day. I was working Dr. M’s clinic and calling patient’s for Dr. S’s clinic for tomorrow. I had to calm down a veteran that was scheduled to see Dr. S but we didn’t have an authorization for him to do so and he was quite upset. For those that don’t know, military personnel, whether they are active, retired, or retired/injured in the line of duty, have to have an authorization from the government to see our doctors, any doctors, actually. This is to ensure the government will pay the bill when it comes due. If we see a veteran without an authorization then our doctors don’t get paid. I get why we do this because the government wants to know what they’re paying for, but at the same time, I wish we didn’t have to jump through so many hoops in order to get our veterans taken care of. It’s very frustrating to see Medicaid patients who are approved for everything and LITERALLY pay .50 cent co-pay, (No, I’m NOT exaggerating), when we have to basically pull teeth in order to take care of our veterans – our men/women who sacrificed a chunk of their life in order to serve our county to ensure we continue to keep our lovely freedoms. It irritates the SHIT out of me, but that’s where we are.

Anyway, I stayed until 7:00 PM and got a lot of stuff done because once 4:30 rolls around and people leave and the phones flip over to the night service, it’s BLESSEDLY quiet and I get a ton of stuff done. Even though I’m pretty brain dead, (even more than usual), I THRIVE on this stuff because I have to multi-task and I love doing it and am good at it. It’s a great exercise for my brain.

June 14: Excited about my upcoming six days off. Granted, it’s only four working days, plus the weekend, but STILL! May was brutal and I’m ready to take some time to decompress, clean house, write, do a little painting, walk. Speaking of walking, I’ve been walking around the neighborhood after work. It’s so nice to breathe fresh air and get away from a computer monitor. I feel healthier and certainly more relaxed. I’ve been working late trying to get caught up so that everything is done while I’m gone. I hate for anyone having to pick up my slack when I take time off. Not to mention, I want to have worked far enough ahead that I’m already “caught” up when I return as opposed to scrambling trying to play catch up. Sometimes, taking time off is more trouble than it’s worth because you have to work twice as hard before you leave and after you return. I wish we could afford to go somewhere for my time off, but it’s fine. I’ve got more time coming up the first part of August and the last part of September – we’ll see. One of the MA’s who has been out for medical leave returned to work today. That will take some pressure off the other MA’s. However, I will continue to cover Drs. M. and S. for the foreseeable future. We haven’t been getting any applications and the interviews we’ve had so far have been duds. I would rather hire someone with potential than just get a warm body in there. Not gonna lie though, I’m slowly pulling away from this job. I’m mentally withdrawing. I will continue to give my 100% but I sense a big, black cloud just over the horizon.

June 16: Worked my ass off to “earn” my four days off. And by that I mean, I worked a few weeks ahead and got the clinics ready for whomever is assigned to work them. This does not mean that I will be caught up when I get back. My nurse is planning on taking off the days I return so I’m sure I will have a lot to keep me busy. But it’s such an amazing feeling to leave work and know that you’re starting vacation. I have six days, (four work days, two weekend days) ahead of me and I feel like I can BREATHE for the first time in a while. I asked for these days off because I knew after working a stressful May, and it was, I would need some time off and yep, I was right. I know myself so well. lol I don’t really have any plans at this point in time, but trust me, it doesn’t matter because I’m not at work. That’s all that matters.

June 19: Currently on Staycation – I will have six days off from work – four work days and the weekend. I forgot how much fun Staycations can be. It’s quiet, I’m well rested, and I have the energy to do something fun – like painting. No, I’m not an artist, but boy, I wish I were. I LOVE watching artists work on YouTube, one, because it’s relaxing to watch them, and two, I wish I could be that talented. So when I say I’m painting, I’m filling in a paint-by-number. Yes, I realize it’s kind of cheesy but I don’t care, I’m having fun and that’s all that matters. I want to hang it in my office when it’s done. It’s a street scene in Paris with outdoor cafes and flower shops. I really want to go to Paris someday, who knows if it will happen because there is no way in hell I’m getting a vaccine passport and if they require it, then I guess I’ll have to settle for looking at pictures.

I’m also watching a video about dopamine detox and I have to say, I’m really relating to it. I think more people need to be aware of this and to consciously step back from the dopamine traps, (unhealthy foods, social media, video games, etc) and just be quiet – listen to the sounds around you, take a walk, get some fresh air, allow your mind and body to decompress and recharge. I feel like I’ve been doing this during this Staycation. It’s been nice. More than nice, it’s been amazing. I have another Staycation planned for the end of July. Kevin will be taking LeRoy camping in our homemade cargo trailer that LeRoy has been helping him with, also, it’s LeRoy’s birthday, so I will truly be alone with nothing but what I want to do on the agenda. I’m looking forward to that. I don’t have a problem with being alone – at all. I enjoy my own company.

I’ve also got an inkling of a new writing project. I wrote about it in this post. I plan on working on it during the July Camp NaNoWriMo. We’ll see how far I get. Maybe not very far, but I’m excited to work on it, nevertheless.

I’m also working on trying to get more organized. I have so many projects and things I want to do but then I start the project, get bored, and when I’m ready to come back, I don’t remember where I left off and abandon it. I’m looking hard at the Kanban method and I currently have four different colored post-it notes to signify four projects I want to work on so we’ll see how successful trying that is in organizing me. I’m also going to try a smaller version for my bullet journal, stay tuned for that.

We went to one of our favorite restaurants to eat last night only to see that it was closed with a sign on the door that they were closed “for the foreseeable future.” It was for “the protection of their employees.” So I’m assuming that someone contracted COVID and the whole place freaked out and closed down. *sigh* I’m so tired of people being scared. Live your life – it’s too short to cower in the shadows from a disease that has a high recovery rate and has medications that can help. (If only the government would stop being so tyrannical and “allow” it to be sold an distributed). Plus, we have a “vaccine” so … what the hell? Anyway, seeing the restaurant closed and that sign made me more sad than anything else. Fear is too powerful.

June 22: I am so uncomfortable right now. I don’t know what I did, well, I suspect I know what I did but can’t confirm, but I “threw” my back out and I could hardly walk this morning. If I had had to go to work, I would have called in, that’s how bad it was. It’s better now, but I’m still hobbling around and Kevin pulled his cane out for me which has been SUPER helpful. I have a bad back. I’ve had problems with my back on and off for YEARS. However, I haven’t had “an attack” for YEARS. I remember my last really, really bad attack was back when I was in college and I had to walk from my car, to the English department, to take a test that consisted of nothing but writing my answers. It took a few hours and I remember walking back to my car in tears because it hurt so much to walk. I was so weak, my legs were shaking, my back SCREAMED at me and driving home … gads, it was bad. I was flat on my back for a few days after that attack. In fact, I believe I even went to the ER it was so bad. I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me. I’ve always had back aches but nothing so severe that I had trouble walking. The ER told me they didn’t see anything, that it was muscular and to take Ibuprofen and use heat/ice and give it time.

And that’s what I did. I even went so far as to have Kevin massage my back. He commented how he could feel multiple knots and he rubbed them out pretty hard. Again, it was excruciating and it made my pain 100 times worse. Heat was also not helpful. The only thing I found helpful was ice and ibuprofen.

I slept with ice packs on and off all last night. Then I used a heating pad after my shower today and, yep, it made it worse. I’ve been taking breaks, standing, walking around, with my cane, and laying down to give my back some rest. It feels better right now, but it’s still really sore and I have a muscle spasm at times.

I’m not a good patient. I get very cranky and withdrawn whenever I’m not feeling well and the last thing I want around me are people. Let me suffer in peace, please. I’ll get through it but I need time. Like I said, I don’t really know why my back attack happened but I suspect that it was me sitting on our hard kitchen chair, with no cushion, bent over my paint-by-number for hours. I don’t know what else it could be, I haven’t done anything different.

My manager text me and told me that she needed me to cover to Dr. J’s clinic tomorrow and I flat out told her I wasn’t sure I was physically up to it. I plan on going to work tomorrow but I had planned on sitting most of the day, (with breaks to walk around and stretch), and get a lot of administration work done. I then asked her if I could “clock” on for a few hours to catch up on my messages. (I had 25 messages). She allowed that and I got my messages organized so I can jump right into it tomorrow and I offered to take hospital calls and calls for not only my doctor, Dr. M., but for Dr. S, too. So, hopefully, that’s what I end up doing because I don’t think I’m ready to be on my feet all day rooming patients. Hopefully, I feel better on Thursday because I’m scheduled to cover Dr. S’s clinic that day.

I don’t know if any of you have bad backs out there but it sucks BALLS. This is a lesson to me that I need to remember to do more stretching and NOT sit on really hard surfaces without a cushion, or something. It’s a sucky way to end my staycation but whatever, I’m just thankful I had the day off so I could get a handle on it. It’s back to work tomorrow. I have another staycation scheduled for the end of July, first part of August. I’m sure I’ll need it as I think these next few weeks are going to be super busy as we’re still down two MA’s.

Continue reading “June 2021 Reflections” →