Category: Getting into Shape

I’ve already written a post about body expectations, but it was geared more toward giving my testimony as far as my struggle to FINALLY become comfortable in my own skin. And even though it was cathartic for me to write about, I don’t really feel like I HELPED anyone out there looking to come to terms with his/her own body.

So … I did a little research about achieving that healthy body image level and thought I would share a few tidbits with you.

All of us are bombarded with images and messages all day that lead many to unhealthful obsessions with the shape of their bodies. At best, these body-image issues can be unpleasant and distracting from the goal of being healthy and happy. At worst they can lead to serious mental health problems like body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) or eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia nervosa.

And there are a ton of self-help books that deal with body image, but when all of the well-intentioned dust settles, it’s really up to US to actually make that change and change our personal expectations.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I had an eating disorder, but I have certainly struggled with depression when it came to my own body changes. A woman completely changes after she has children. That tight little body is gone and in it’s place is something softer, fuller and definitely more maternal in nature. This is not necessarily a good, or bad thing, I suppose it’s all how you look at it and what your personal goals are as far as your body, but please don’t think I’m using having children as an excuse for NOT getting back into shape and getting back on that healthy wagon – you owe it to your kids, your partner and especially you to treat your body with the respect it deserves.

And then, your body changes again after you turn 40. I’ve experienced it, first hand. (I’m 44). There are aches and pains that you never even knew were there before. Certain foods suddenly disagree with you, your eyes start playing tricks on you and it’s suddenly a whole lot easier to gain weight around your middle. Your metabolism slows down, which means eating habits have to change. There are hot flashes, night sweats, and a whole slew of other age-related issues that take you by surprise. Your body is more mature, slower, and any endurance you might have had before that point has either slowed down or disappeared completely. It’s quite an adjustment.

But not impossible.

Let’s get real – it’s highly unlikely you’re going to look anything like those Victoria Secret models, or runway models, or actresses or … anyone BUT who you are.

The trick is FINDING you. The challenge is finding that point where you feel good about how you look and your body is healthy enough to sustain you for many, many years.

It took me YEARS to reach a point where I feel comfortable with my size. There are moments, (okay, a lot of moments) where I wish I could lose just a bit more weight, or look more like some women I admire, but then I jerk myself back and face reality – I am me. I can improve, and I will continue to take care of myself, but ultimately, I can’t make myself to be any other person than who I am. And the sooner I accept that fact, the happier I will be.

Here are a few tips to help you with your own body image:

• Don’t compare yourself. I know, easier said than done, right? Especially when we’re bombarded with magazines, television, movies, and other images on a daily / hourly basis. But it’s self-destructive. When we compare ourselves to others we always lose. But remember, you’re special because you’re you. No one can take that away from you. And let’s not forget that these “fantasy” women that are portrayed in our society as “beautiful”, are actually fake. Pictures are photoshopped. They’ve most likely had plastic surgery, and the week of recovering afterward. And then the stress of maintaining the plastic throughout their lives. And the deprivation – think of everything they CAN’T eat. Who wants to live life like that?

  Not me.

• Focus on Your Accomplishments. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on your positive traits. Do you volunteer? Are you an excellent wife/mother/sister/daughter? Are you articulate? Do you have a lot of common sense? Do you have a knack for making people laugh? Do people gravitate toward you because of your kindness?
• Learn to Take a Compliment. Ugh. I have such a hard time with this one. It’s like I work so hard NOT to draw attention to myself that when it happens, I feel embarrassed and guilty. I then cope with those feelings by downplaying the compliment and though I’m secretly thrilled to receive it, I’m equally appalled that the person might sense it and think I’m conceited. It’s a vicious circle.

  The very thing we are looking for — recognition — we brush off. Practice saying “thank you” when someone gives you a compliment. Don’t over analyze it, or judge the giver, or make light of it; instead let it soak in and allow yourself to feel really good.

• Focus on the positive. Don’t say you can’t do something, because then you probably can’t. Don’t call yourself stupid, because you’ll start believing it. Don’t call yourself dumb, you’re not. Stop framing everything you do or say in the negative. Instead, think positively.

  “What a good idea; that was a good way of handling the situation”; or “That was a real accomplishment; I’m so proud!” By shifting from words of criticism to words of praise, you begin to change your life.

  I am constantly berating the boys for focusing on negative things like that. Keep telling yourself that you’re smart, that you ARE good enough and then watch what happens. 🙂

• Affirmations. Find a part of your body that you like and accept, even if it’s your eyes, hair or smile. Write an affirmation about it. For instance, “I love the way my hair shines,” or “I love the way my eyes sparkle.” Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and repeat your affirmations to yourself. Say them with enthusiasm. Believe it! Even if you have to “fake it till you make it.” After a few weeks of doing this, you will come to believe and know that what you are saying is true. Then move on to another body part. Even though giving yourself compliments may become progressively more difficult, continue through until you LOVE YOUR BODY!
• Learn to Compliment Others. In learning to compliment others, you learn the law of reciprocity. As you give, you do receive. By learning to acknowledge the good in others, you can learn to notice the good in yourself. Remember, to be loved, give love. To be accepting of your body, be accepting of others’ bodies.
• Stop Fantasy Thinking. Do you ever hear yourself saying, “If I’d just lose 10 pounds I’d be happy,” or “If I had thinner thighs I’d be asked out more.” Stop those thoughts now! That is fantasy thinking. The truth is that there is room for all shapes and sizes in this world. People are attracted to others for a variety of reasons. Yes, sometimes attraction has to do with body, but that might be a smile or overall appearance. Others are attracted to another based on the energy they give off or their laugh or because they are funny. Your body is not the reason you are miserable. You were miserable first and took it out on your body. Get on with your life. Be loving, and you will attract loving people.
• Heal Your Relationship with Food. If you are afraid of food, you will always be afraid of what it might do to your body. (More on food later).
• Body Movement. The body was designed to move. To walk or run or jump or dance are normal activities. By reconnecting yourself to your body, you might be amazed at how incredible it really is. (More on exercising later).
• Support. The struggle to heal your negative body-image is an ongoing battle. It is often wise to seek the professional help of a therapist and a dietitian. There are self-help groups available at no charge as well. Many books and articles have been written on the subjects of food and body. There are seminars available as well as church and temple groups. Talk to a trusted friend or relative. All of us need support. We are constantly barraged with messages about the fantasy body. We are given negative messages about food and weight. It is extremely hard in our culture to have a healthy, positive body-image. You need support. You deserve it!

(These tips were found in the Love Your Body : Change the Way You Feel About the Body You Have book).

It really is essential to get your mind on track BEFORE you attempt to tackle your eating and exercising issues. If your overall outlook about yourself is not in the right place, then getting other areas of your life back on a healthy track will be that much harder.

No. It’s not easy to undo years of damage. It’s hard to ignore society’s definition of beauty. And no amount of wishful thinking is going to get you where you want to be. It all starts with a hard, honest look at how you perceive your body image and finding a place to begin where you’re comfortable and ready to move forward to becoming a better you.

I have a rather unique problem, I think. Whenever I look into a mirror, I see a better body than my flesh and blood body. And I’m always shocked and disgusted whenever I see pictures of myself wearing something that I thought looked good on me or flattered me, only it didn’t.

At all.

It’s like I have the reverse of this body image graphic you see – I look into the mirror and see something beautiful. It’s only after I’m slapped in the face with reality that I realize – I’m NOT all that and oh my gosh! Where did that gut come from?! And are my hips REALLY that bad? And look! My arm fat is flapping in the wind – again.

It’s so depressing.

I’ve gotten to the point where I loathe Thanksgiving. And it’s not because of the food or my family members, it’s because of those damn family pictures that my mother-in-law insists on taking.

Don’t get me wrong, I think taking family pictures is a great idea – we all change so much from year to year, but it’s the fact that I have to stand next to “the beautiful people” that really gets me down.

I look so BIG compared to all the skinny, shorter people in my in-law family. And seeing that comparison and being confronted with all of my physical flaws just depresses me. For days afterward.

I go to gatherings feeling good about myself, I see pictures of those gatherings and feel like a complete whale later. And that starts the whole “why do I even try” pity party that I throw myself that last for weeks – which only makes it worse because the holidays roll around and I see Christmas pictures of myself looking pasty and bloated and I feel even more guilty as I stuff that fifth piece of fudge into my mouth.

It really isn’t a pretty cycle, people.

Luckily, I snap myself out of it when January rolls around. But more on the whole exercise thing later.

For now, suffice it to say, my body image? Predictably alternates depending on the time of year.

All this to say, I have a healthy body image, but there are times I succumb to outside influences.

Let’s back this up a bit …

I was a skinny size eight when I got married. And though I felt good about the way I looked, I hated every single minute of it.

I couldn’t eat what I wanted to. I had to constantly deprive myself of the simple pleasures of life. I had to. I’m the sort of person who gains weight really easily. (I also lose it pretty easily – more on that later). So any kind of junk food or anything calorie laden made me balloon outward faster than you can say Willy Wonka.

Forcing myself to stay away from the foods I loved only made me crave them that much more so when I caved and actually ate them, I felt guilty for days. That guilt transformed into anger and I started resenting myself and other influences that I felt were trapping me into this vicious cycle.

But I continued to watch every single thing I ate in order to maintain my size because in my mind – you weren’t beautiful unless you were skinny.

I remember walking around with my gut sucked in all the time. (I didn’t want Kevin to think I was fat). In fact, I sucked it in so much that my stomach muscles would ACHE by the end of the day. (That did help me though when I had Dude – the nurse was all like, “Wow! You have great stomach muscles!” and it wasn’t because I worked out, it was because I sucked them in).

I was so self-conscious back then. And I think part of that self-consciousness stemmed from the fact that Kevin had been married before and his first wife? Was quite pretty. And quite skinny. I think I was competing with her on some weird level.

In short, I was miserable. I mean, truly, truly miserable. I looked good (in my opinion), but I paid a high price for looking like that.

Then I had babies. And suddenly, I was given permission to EAT. Anything I wanted! At any time I wanted! Because the baby needed nourishment. And I was happy because for the first time, I didn’t have to watch what I ate, or feel guilty about what I ate.

I gained a lot of weight. And my body changed. Not just weight wise, but now, I had boobs. I went from a size A to a size C, and I LIKED that. (So did Kevin). My hips were fuller and I had a new thickness around my waist.

The hips and waist? I wasn’t so happy about.

Again. I struggled with my body image after kids, only it was a different image this go-around – it was a more mature and well, for lack of a better term, USED body. It was stretched out and more maternal. For years, I longed for my pre-baby body. I wanted that tight little body back. And though I’ve worked on my body over the years and I’ve certainly dropped the pounds and even got close to my pre-baby weight (though not quite), everything was proportioned differently.

I had curves that wouldn’t go away. No matter what I did or how early I got up in the morning to try and get rid of them.

I was me – only fuller.

My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. One month, I’m a size 10, the next month, a 12. The next? Back down to a 10. Half a year later, I’m a size 16 … and when I reached that size? That’s where the madness ended for me.

I hadn’t even realized I was that big, body wise, until I could no longer fit into my jeans anymore and had to buy a bigger size. And when it really dawned on me that that size was a 16? I suddenly woke up from my self-imposed stupor.

I did not WANT to be that size. I felt sluggish. I felt awkward. I felt BIG. And I didn’t like myself too much during that time period. It was that realization that motivated me to get my butt in gear and start losing weight (again, later on the whole exercise thing).

Many, many, MANY gallons of sweat later, I’m down to a more reasonable weight. I’m currently a fat 10, or a skinny 12, depending what I’m wearing or what time of the month it is. My goal is to whittle my body back down to a comfortable, and solid, size 10 before summer hits.

Why ten?

Because I’ve learned, through years of trial and errors, that that is a comfortable size for me. I can eat what I want (within reason, of course), my body feels good and I think I look pretty good in my clothes. I feel like …. me.

And I think that’s key. You have to pay attention to your body. It’s constantly “talking” to you, the problem is, I think most of us don’t listen. It’s so easy, so very easy, to just give up and go crazy with our diets, or not make the effort to exercise or even MOVE. It’s so much harder to maintain a weight, it really is.

But for me, it’s all about habits. It’s all about discipline. It’s about having the desire to keep my body in good shape – I want to live a good, long life. I want to physically be there for my grandchildren and even great grandchildren. And I know I can’t do that if I don’t take care of myself NOW. Longevity is my motivation.

Society’s idea of beauty is so unrealistic, isn’t it? These impossibly thin models … is it even normal to be a size ZERO?? Really? And what kind of life is that? To be constantly deprived of life’s simple pleasures, like food. Why would anyone want to live like that? I suppose, if one is willing to live like that, that’s one thing, but for me? I prefer to enjoy life while at the same time, find a happy medium that works for me.

And though I will continue to work and improve myself, I will no longer kill myself to dip under my comfort line just because society has deemed it superior somehow.

I think everyone has to reach that point where they are finally comfortable in their own skin. It doesn’t happen overnight, often times it happens as you get older, and sometimes, it can’t be reached without outside help, but eventually, there has to come a time when you put your hand up to the world and say “ENOUGH ALREADY.” I am who I am – take it or leave it.

I’m not saying that you can’t be improved, or that you should give up trying, oh contrare. I’m simply saying that there comes a time when you have to stop trying to be something you’re not. I can’t tell you when you reach that point – it’s different for everyone. But that limitation is there and the sooner we accept the fact that we will never look like that size zero model on yesterday’s cover, the happier, and better off we’ll be, I think. You just have to find what’s REAL for YOU.

And then don’t apologize for it.

Personally? I’m DONE trying to fit into society’s definition of beauty. I am strong. And I am okay with my body.

I can, and will improve it, but overall, I. Am. Me.