One of these days, I’ll actually catch up to these Reflections’ entries. I really want to finish these because they’re an extension/expansion of the daily journal I write in
Mar 1
Mom wasn’t exactly feeling up to getting together today but I guilted her into it. She needed to talk and purge her feelings about losing my aunt, her sister. I worry about mom being by herself all the time. It’s not healthy to bottle up our feelings – get it out. Burn off that excess emotion with something positive. We ate at our favorite Chicken Salad place, she got some things off her chest, we came back to my house, we watched our two episodes of Survivor (our Saturday thing), then we worked on some felting crafts. I’ve never worked with felt before … it’s fun.
Mar 2
Boys came over for dinner, we had pasta bake. (Basically, spaghetti with penne noodles). We had a good conversation and we encouraged them about their jobs. I wish they could find their niche. I remember that disorienting feeling when I was younger of where do I fit in? What do I do with the rest of my life? Heck, I’m STILL wondering where I fit in, what am I doing with my life? We see the kids so much around the holidays and then virtually never the rest of the year. I’m going to try and make more of an effort to have them over for dinners, maybe a game, at least once a month.
Mar 3
I’m not a huge fan of homemade yogurt. It’s “supposed” to be good for you – give you the probiotics you need for a healthy gut. But either I’m doing it wrong or it’s just not for me but I sort of hate it. It’s so sour! I made the mistake of not refrigerating the probiotics and the went bad. That batch of yogurt stayed with us for days. (::ahem::), so I learned my lesson on that and now I refrigerate them. But still … I’m not a fan. I’ll keep trying because it’s “good” for me …
Mar 4
I’ve been making a point of saying good morning to Blake every week day. He’s getting off work about the time I’m getting up and getting ready for work. I hate that he’s back on overnight shift. He’s a night owl and I think he prefers it, but it’s lonely and isolating. He’s done the overnight shift before and he got a little depressed never seeing people, feeling like he was missing out on family stuff even though we made every effort to schedule things around his schedule so he could come, but still, it’s hard on the body both physically and mentally. Hopefully, this is a temporary gig until he can find something with more normal hours but in the meantime, I’m hoping my good mornings are helping, just a little.
Mar 5
Woke up to about an inch of snow on the ground. It’s windy and cold. How annoying, I was hoping winter was on the way out – I’m ready for some green – too much gray.
Mar 6
The supervisor role posted today. I had a friend send me a snippet of it and encouraged me to apply. I’m tempted. I would rock that role. I have a lot of ideas on how we can make things run more smoothly, more efficiently. But unfortunately, it would never work. The team lead, which is the person who would be my right-hand woman, is also applying. How awkward would it be to work with her if I got the job? I’m now her boss? I don’t think so. The biggest reason I won’t go for it? The head honcho is a bitch. I can’t stand her. She’s one of those bosses who thinks every idea she has is the ONLY idea and even when her idea is proven to not work? She refuses to even LISTEN to alternative ideas. I can’t work under someone that unwilling to listen to the worker bees. I would be fired within one week of that crap. So no. I will not be applying. Besides – who wants to be stuck on meetings ALL DAY LONG. Because that’s what supervisors do. I like my work. I’m good at it. I’ll stay where I’m at, thank you very much.
Mar 7
Lost my shit at work today. It was implied that I wasn’t doing my job by not cleaning up other people’s crap, even though I have plenty of my own crap to deal with, and patients were being rescheduled. Um, no. Patients are being rescheduled because the head honcho won’t allow us to try something different. What’s the definition of insanity? Or yeah, keep doing what is not working and expect different results. She’s such an idiot. On top of that, I had to leave early to pick mom up to go to my aunt’s funeral. Talk about an emotional switch. This was my first time going to a funeral where someone was cremated. It was so strange to stand around the wall where her ashes would be put into. She will be in the same wall space as her husband, who passed some years back. It was especially sad when they screwed the plate back on. Just the sound of the electric screwdriver in dead silence. Surreal.
Mar 8
Got together with mom today. She really needed some company. I wish I could keep her company during the week, too. Listened while she got some things off her chest. Ate at Panda Express for lunch, not my favorite, but mom likes it. Treated ourselves to a miniature Bundt cake. We love those things. We like to treat ourselves with something sweet while we watch Survivor. We ran to JoAnns to pick up some zippers mom needs for the cute crochet cross-over bags she’s making us for us to carry around on our cruise in August. CAN’T WAIT.
Mar 9
Someone jerk ran into my father-in-law with a cart at Walmart. The lady didn’t even apologize, just glared at him like it was HIS fault. What is wrong with people nowadays?! He didn’t fall, but it was hard enough to make his leg bleed. Kevin talked to management. He was furious. He wanted to press charges. Don’t think that can, or will, happen. It’s possible the woman didn’t even realize she bumped into him, we’re trying to look at all angles here, but he cried out in pain so even if she hadn’t realized she did it, would she not hear him? People are assholes.
Mar 10
Was in a bad mood. I felt bad for dumping my frustrations on my team lead but it was something we’ve all danced around for months and needed to be said. Who knows if there are changes or if it affects my job, but I just can’t hold in my frustration any more. I muted everyone on Teams, put my head down and worked my butt off today. It was nice to not anyone bugging me, staying away from the drama. The pre-registration department dumped a lot of cases on us. I’m wondering if this is the new norm?
Mar 11
Another beautiful day! Got up to 80 degrees today – I’m so ready for Spring. Told my boss that I’m happy to clean up other people’s crap – after my own work is done and if they want to pay me overtime. Not sure she was very happy with that “compromise” but – bite me. Don’t care. I looked up my Social Security account today to get an idea of how much I’ll be paid when I retire – more than I thought, but not nearly enough. It’s criminal how much you pay into the “system” and how little you get back. I can take early retirement at 62 … TWO years away!! The big questions is: WILL I?
Mar 12
The chicks are really growing!! They’ve reached the “teenage” years. They have lost their cuteness and they’re losing their baby feathers to make room for their permanent feathers and they’re looking spotty and ratty. Our oldest Chicken is really gentle with the younger chickens – the second oldest chicken picks on them. Most likely because she was picked one when she was young. Kevin is rearranging their hen house. He also build a triangle-looking cage to put on his lawn mower trailer so he can bring them over to our house so they can eat our bugs. We have soooo many bugs.
Mar 14
The winds were wicked today. Wind always makes me so nervous. Straight winds is what took out one of our trees in our backyard several years ago. Kevin called me, which always freaks me out because he NEVER calls – no one EVER calls me except when there’s an emergency. One of the trees at the rental house blew over and was leaning into another tree. He called someone and they came right out to cut off some limbs. They’ll be back tomorrow to cut down the rest of the tree. There goes another $1700!! GAH – trees are pretty but so expensive to maintain. I got to “duck” my first Jeep today while we were grocery shopping. Was fun, and a little terrifying, tucking a rubber duck into someone’s door handle.
Mar 15
Went to mom’s. We talked about our cruise and we’re planning on going luggage shopping. I can’t help but picture us struggling with luggage as we walk through the airports. I know mom’s luggage is super old and our luggage is pretty worn down, too. The wheels on our luggage aren’t very good and I just don’t want to have to worry about crappy luggage as we travel. Kevin and I talked about taking some road trips in the Jeep before we turn it in in April 2028. We thought it would be fun to drive down to New Orleans again and catch a cruise. So … we booked another cruise in November! It will be our birthday cruise! We booked it on Norwegian – we really like how they have their food/restaurants set up. Instead of one big dining room and a buffet, they have smaller, themed restaurants set up throughout the ship so everyone is spread out. So excited! Two cruises in one year??
Mar 17
My gosh the winds are terrible this year! We always get a lot of wind in March but I feel like this March is especially windy. Mom and I ran into a fancy yarn shop over the weekend and I encouraged her to check it out this week. I’m hoping she can make some friends! Mom is obsessed with yarn.
Mar 19
Think I’m eating too many bananas. My heart is doing crazy stuff, skipping, beating hard, my hands have started to go numb. I Googled it – I think I’m getting too much potassium. Eating a banana every day. Time to cut back. Some of it is stress, too. Need to re-center and not care about my job quite so much.
Mar 20
We all had a shock today. One of our supervisors, one of the women who created this department, just left. She was planning on retiring soon anyway but after a meeting with the head honcho woman and being dismissed, again, she had had it. Tensions have been building for a while. This supervisor was the only woman who had the guts to stand up to this head honcho bully. It’s really frustrating to work under a woman who refuses to listen to what you have to say, or entertain the thought that perhaps some of the decisions she’s making are DEAD wrong for the group. This head honcho wants yes women … I am not a yes woman. I have thoughts, opinions and suggestions and I’m always willing to work with whatever ideas that are presented, but to not even acknowledge that A. there is a problem and B. we need to fix it?? Yeah – I will NOT be applying to part of this management team. It’s amazing how many people have left because of this moron. Get a clue, lady.
Mar 21
Another person quit today. The department is dropping like flies. Too bad someone above honcho lady isn’t noticing and more importantly, wondering, why is everyone leaving??
Mar 24
My supervisor and team lead shadowed me today. It’s so awkward when you “train” management. Also, why do we train management? Shouldn’t they already know what we do? Hence the problem with management, right? Not just our management, but management in general. Ordered a new Bissell vacuum for the hardwoods today – the Dirt Devil finally bit the dust.
Mar 25
Blue Cross Blue Shield’s portal was still down today so I had to cancel the the “training” session today. Not much to do if one of our major insurance portals is down. Getting lazy on the treadmill walking before work thing. I would just rather sleep an extra hour. But I sit so much throughout the day, that’s not good.
Mar 26
Brandon, our baby, turned 30 yesterday! He’s not taking it very well. I remember turning 30, then 50, then 60 … yeah – those milestone birthdays are hard. He’s still working on his digital art. He knows a lot of people in the industry but it’s a tough industry to get into. He’s self-taught – really proud of him for taking the initiative and having the discipline to teach himself. Not to mention, he has saved THOUSANDS of dollars by not going to college. College is pretty much a scam nowadays. All they want to do is teach our kids how to be woke and a lot of useless nonsense. Nothing that will prepare them to be kind, empathetic, productive humans in society. In the meantime, Bran is still working at the bank. He’s not crazy about being on the phone and dealing with customers but also, it’s really good to have that experience – not only for work but life in general. I think everyone should be required to work with the public at some point in their lives – I think the world would be a better place, to be honest. We took him to Fuji’s – a Japanese they-cook-your-food-in-front-of-you place. The food was good, but they rushed us out, didn’t really give us a chance to enjoy our food, or the company, we were done in under an hour, and then it was $150 on top of that. Yeah, we won’t do that again. We came back to our house afterward and had our traditional Great American Cookie cake. Which is also stupid expensive. I remember the days it was $25, which I thought was nuts, now it’s double that! But we can’t stop buying them – we’ve been buying them for decades and it’s a tradition. Birthdays are expensive. lol
Mar 27
Management is going to keep track of our productivity. This has made a lot of people mad, and I’m annoyed, but also, I get it. We’re remote. It’s like they can walk by our desk to see if we’re working or not. And let’s face it, some people probably DO take advantage of the fact that they work from home and aren’t supervised as much as people who work in the office. I’m not worried – I definitely carry my weight, and then some, (a lot), but it’s still a little nerve wracking they are “watching” us. They also want to know how long cases take, which, fair, but also, hard to gauge as some cases are more complicated than others. Not to mention, some providers do a terrible job of documenting what is happening so it takes more time to dig for documentation to build a case and present to the insurance company so they can make their decision. I’m pretty fast at the process, but I think in large part because I have Medical Assistant experience. I know the “lingo” and understand the provider’s though process and the steps it takes to reach the patient’s goal. If someone doesn’t have that experience, it would be way harder and definitely more time consuming to put the puzzle pieces together.
Mar 28
Lost another person, this time on my team. We can NOT keep people on the Urgent Action Team. And to be honest, I get it. This flow, time frame, this amount of multi-tasking is not for everyone. It doesn’t help that management expects us to be the clean-up crew for another group of people, either. I’m hoping all of these people leaving will open the head honcho’s eyes and we can finally start making some positive changes. We’ll see. I’m not holding my breath. Now this means I will be expected to work harder and faster until we can hire another person. And guess who management will expect to train this new person? Exactly.
Mar 29
Got together with mom for our weekly Saturday thing. We went to the mall today. I haven’t been to the mall in ages. It always sort of depresses me. It’s so … empty. Both in customers and retail stores. We went to JCPenneys to look at luggage for our cruise in August. Mom bought a five-piece set for $100! I’m so relieved. I was worried about her struggling with her luggage on our trip. Trips are already so stressful without having to worry about if your luggage breaking down. We bought cookie dough at a shop in the mall for our treat. Then watched Survivor and set up a Google Meet to talk to my sister. It was a good day! Went by fast!
Mar 30
One of our my teammates called in sick today – I have a feeling this will become a patter with her. She seems to have a lot of physical ailments. That left three of us today. I covered 15 alpha letters so I was pretty busy. It’s Patient Access week, which means management will kiss our butts, tell us what a great job we’re doing but no, we’re not going to change anything so that your jobs actually become easier. Par for the course, I suppose. I have zero interest in participating. I’m pissed, tired and overworked. Bite me.
Thanks for reading.
Write From Karen 