Slowing Down

You know it’s funny, but ever since deleting my blog, the blog I had up and running for a little over three years, I feel … cleansed. I can’t really describe the overwhelming feeling of freedom I’m experiencing right now.

It’s quite liberating. I felt like a prisoner within my own writing and I didn’t like it. I’m tired of succumbing to outside sources, this is my blog and I plan on keeping it that way. No frilly, silly junk; from this point on you can expect thought-provoking, intelligent correspondence.

HAHAHAHA.

Well, maybe not the intelligent part. 😉

You know how you feel when you’re in a tense situation and after it’s over you realize, with surprise, that you had been holding your breath the entire time? That’s how I was beginning to feel with my blog. The posts, weren’t really mine anymore. I was writing with the sole intention of entertaining people and that’s fine, if that’s what you want, but for me? I got away from what’s important to me – my family, what’s happening in my life and my pursuit to get published.

Now that my blog is gone, well, not really gone, it’s here, on wordpress.com, I feel so much more relaxed. I don’t have to stress if my server goes down and I can stop apologizing for glitches or anything else that goes wrong. I can give that responsibility over to wordpress now and if something happens, it’s out of my hands. I know the good folks at wordpress back everything up, on a regular basis, so there’s very little chance I’ll lose anything and that … comforts me.

I’m a controlling personality. It’s sometimes nice to step away from that control once in a while.

Anyway, moving on …

I’m writing this entry Wednesday night at 5:42 p.m. I’m waiting for the husband to get home from work and dinner will be ready (we’re having baked spaghetti – tip: heat some tomato sauce and pour over the spaghetti when you take it out of the oven, it’s delicious!). The kids are relaxed and doing their own thing and I’ve decided this is really the perfect time for me to sit down and write the next day’s entry. I’m still (semi) awake to be coherent and most of the day has passed by so I can reflect on it. After I finish writing this, I’ll pre-post it and forget about it until tomorrow night when I start the whole process over again. I will no longer spend HOURS hunting the Internet for entertaining things to share with you or HOURS pre-posting hundreds of posts ahead of time; I’m done rushing through my life, I’m ready to sit back and enjoy what ever comes my way. I hope you’ll stick around and enjoy it with me.

But if not, I understand. Perhaps my new blogging plan disappoints you. Perhaps you looked forward to my silly posts and though I can’t promise my posts here will be on the same level as before, I can promise they will be heartfelt and honest – or at least, as honest as I can be given my audience. 🙂

I am constantly telling my husband to slow down, enjoy life, stop trying to cram every single minute of your day with something to do. And though I was never on the same level as him (he genuinely exhausted me at times when we first got married), I was doing the same thing with my online presence.

I’m going to kick back and savor every moment because my children are getting older. GD will be in TENTH grade next year, MK will be in EIGHTH grade next year, our lives will never be the same, so why am I trying to gloss it over and forego recording my family moments for some silly picture of a puppy or giving some cool prizes away just to draw readers? (Though I won’t promise I won’t do that again sometime in the future *ahem*)

The last day of school is tomorrow and I’m so ready. I’m looking forward to not having to stop my day, twice, in order to drive all over town to pick the boys up. I’m looking forward to letting them sleep in and I’m REALLY looking forward to morning smiles as opposed to morning frowns and general snarkiness, and then dealing with the boys’ grouchiness on top of that. *grin*

And I’m looking forward to sharing these moments with you. Thank you for being patient with me. And please, have a wonderful day. I’ll see you tomorrow.

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Do You Smell That?

Are you wondering what’s going on?

Yeah, me too.

It all started about a week ago. I received an email from my web host telling me that our accounts (i.e. blogs) were using too much CPU. When I questioned what exactly that meant, they said that the number of php requests were overloading my databases and slowing things down for the rest of the people on my server.

I rearranged a few things, updated a few scripts and though the CPU percentage went down, it didn’t go down far enough. My web host gave me three options:

1. Whittle my content down to the acceptable level. Considering I had whittled everything I was willing to whittle, this wasn’t an option.

2. Upgrade to a dedicated server. This sounded great, so I priced dedicated servers – it was going to run us anywhere from $40 – $100 a month – to sustain a HOBBY?! Uh no, I don’t think so.

3. Move or delete our accounts.

I opted for number three.

And I feel pretty relieved by this decision, if you want the truth. Blogging was taking way too much of my time. I wasn’t really putting a lot of thought into what I was posting, I was just posting fluff, junk really. Why was I wasting so much time on silly stuff? My writing was suffering, my business was suffering and I was spending all my time thinking about my next post.

Something had to stop. And my web host took that decision out of my hands. And I’m glad to be back among the living.

I will miss not having the control – there is very little I can do here, behind the scenes, without paying for it, but again, perhaps that’s for the best, at least for now, at least until I can get my head above water once again and catch some things up.

Sometimes it’s just better to call it quits and walk away for a while. Not saying I plan on calling it quits as far as blogging goes, but this is definitely a reality wake up call for me.

I haven’t really given up, I’ve just redirected my energies into something a bit more productive. I still plan to blog, but only in moderation. My goal is to post once a day, here at wordpress.com. I’ll keep my posts relevant to my life/observations/work/writing. And I will only post photos that I’ve taken, or someone close to me has taken. No more stock photos.

You can find my RSS information in the sidebar and if you have any questions, you can always contact me. I haven’t really gone anywhere, I’ve just relocated. 🙂

Do you smell that? It’s the smell of a new beginning.

Ahhhhhh….. I think I’m going to like it here. 😀