Weekend Tale: And That’s My Story

I get to wear something other than scrubs out in public on Monday.

I am the world’s worst shopper.

Actually, I wouldn’t be the world’s worst shopper if I would just have more patience WHEN shopping. But I don’t. I usually have a list of specific things that I need and after I buy them, I’m outta there.

I don’t linger. I don’t browse. In fact, just thinking about browsing makes me break out in goosebumps.

So, I hate to shop for everyday things (like food).

This hatred only magnifies whenever I have to shop for clothing.

*insert mind-blowing, bone-chilling scream here*

As a result? My clothes selection sucks.

Seriously.

True. I have a closet full of clothes that I never get to wear because I wear scrubs every day of the week now, but they’re all pretty lame clothes – mainly, jeans/shorts and t-shirts.

I dress like a 15-year old Emo girl.

Seriously.

So when I have to actually wear “grown-up” clothes, I sort of freak out. Because I really don’t have much to choose from. And the few articles of clothing I have? Are for cooler months – you know, when I’m not exuding hormones and in a full-on menopausal attack.

(And yes – I’m perimenopausal now complete with hot flashes, mood swings and missed periods. I know, TMI. But if I didn’t give you TMI once in a while, you’d begin to wonder if you were even reading the same blog – so, you’re welcome – I’m still the loud-mouthed, opinionated blogger you love to hate).

Anyway …

I need something nice to wear to Jazz’s Band Banquet tomorrow night. Since I only wear scrubs during the day, comfy gym-like clothes at night (I’m so sexy), and all of my other “dress” clothes are really designed to wear in colder weather (because I have tops, but since I sweat like a pig, at all times, I WISH I were kidding, I produce sweat stains, which only makes me more nervous and produces BIGGER sweat stains), I’m in a fine pickle.

I have nothing to wear. I have plenty of slacks, not worried about that. But the top? Yeah. Nothing cute, comfortable or BREATHABLE. And it’s supposed to be in the mid-70′s tomorrow, so I can pretty much count on my sweat glands showing up for his gig, too.

The thing is, I’ve been looking at JCPenney’s’ website and nothing is jumping out at me. Everything looks so … old ladyish. Which, I suppose, if the shoe fits, but I don’t really want to dress like an old lady.

I don’t want to look like a 15-year prostitute, either. (There’s a time and place for that. *ahem*)

So. Conundrum.

And I need to buy it TODAY, because I will have no time after getting off work tomorrow since this thing starts at 6:30 and I get home at 5:30(ish).

Men have it so easy. Pull on a polo, slacks and dress shoes and BAM, they’re good to go.

It sucks being a woman. (Sometimes).

And look, I’m still without a top to wear.

I guess I’ll hit the stores and look for something.

I need a personal shopper.

And a make over.

And a new body.

*sigh*