However… my husband’s brother took seven years to get his bachelor’s degree and is now the head of his city’s parks department. My brother only moved out of my parents house when he graduated from college, and then he moved around the block. He’s now an independent contractor for a Fortune 500 company.

Sometimes, motivation takes time. Some people don’t find their heart’s passion until later in life. Hang in there.

That is exactly the question I’ve asked myself hundreds of times – WHY is staying up so late in the summer such a big deal again?

The answer? It’s not. I need to chill. And I appreciate your input – I wish my son was as motivated as yours.

But he’s not. He’s a slacker and EXTREMELY lazy. Even if he has a chance for a reward, he’ll do what is absolutely necessary, and nothing more, to get that reward. I’m afraid he’ll be one of those employees who will drive their co-workers crazy because he only pulls his weight (maybe) and is not interested in doing anything more. I hope I’m wrong.

If I let my son keep to his own schedule, he would stay up all night (think 3:00 to 4:00 a.m.) and sleep until noon or 1:00 p.m. That is unacceptable because 1. it would be HELL to try and get him back on a normal schedule when school starts again and 2. I just think it’s a bad pattern to fall into to begin with. Unless he gets a night job, we’re doing more harm than good by not “training” him that the real world doesn’t work like that. We tentatively tried that “sleep when you want to” route last summer and even during last school year, (because he insisted he was old enough to handle it), he fell asleep in class, several times, which put him behind in his grades. Again, unacceptable.

Also, my husband and I have been talking about this – WHY exactly does he need to stay up that late anyway? There’s really no reason to stay up that late when all he’s going to do is to be online, unsupervised, and talking to God knows who. I used to be addicted to chatting, so I know first hand the sort of people who hang out online after a certain time period. He doesn’t need to be exposed to those types of people. He’s too insecure and way too naive not to fall for something.

GD is the sort of kid we have to push to do anything. Sometimes it’s a small push, sometimes it’s a pretty hard push, but if we don’t push this kid, he won’t DO anything. I’m afraid he’ll be one of these kids that are still living at home with mom and dad when he’s 30 simply because he was too lazy/immature to get out on his own.

Believe me when I say, I’ve tried several parenting “techniques” with GD. Though I’m obviously still grabbling with what works, I know this kid pretty well. He may look like a young MAN, but emotionally? He’s still terribly immature.

I know it’s hard not to judge other people’s parenting styles. I don’t know how many times the husband has said, “I did that when I was that age, or I didn’t do that when I was that age” and I’m constantly having to tell him, “Well, not everyone is like you, honey.”

GD requires boundaries. Granted, my boundaries still apply to an 11-year old, I’m working on that. But giving this kid free reign just wouldn’t work for him. Not right now at least. We’re trying to give him a little more space, bit by bit, and if he does well with that, proves he’s responsible enough to handle it, then he gets a bit more freedom. That’s just the way this kid rolls.

As far as me? I’m fighting my own demons and insecurities. In a lot of ways, I’m glad this happened over the summer – we have time to heal and cope with these changes. One good thing has come out of all of this; we’ve done more talking, REAL talking, than we have in a long time.

The bottom line is that we obviously have very different parenting styles.

The first thing I said to myself when I saw that the “incident” started because you were enforcing a bed time during the summer was, “Why?”

You may think I’m too lenient, but I have never imposed a bed time on my kids during school breaks because I expect them to learn to regulate their own behavior — and that has worked. They need some freedom and independence & the summers are a great time to let them chill out, relax, and not worry about rules and regulations. They stay up late if they want and sleep late the next morning. I don’t care because when school starts, they will get back into the routine and work their butts off.

At my house, it is all about rewards for achievement. So, for instance, Matthew had a certain goal he had to achieve for a specific reward. The report card came a week or so ago and he met the goal, so tomorrow he is getting a reward. I don’t keep reminding them over and over, either. They know the drill and what has to be done in order to get the thing they are working toward.

Poor Bob is back working nights because business is down and a whole shift of folks got laid off. Since he is #1 on the seniority list, we have no worries except that, when business is not good, his hours tend to suck.

The last two nights, the kids have been camped out in the family room with the dogs because everyone’s routine is upset and, believe it or not, the dogs take it harder than any of the people. So they have been in there, curled up with the dogs after Dad leaves for work, in an effort to reassure them. Buddy, in particular, just stood in the living room the first night and looked at me as if to say, “Mom, this is SO not right!” He wouldn’t settle down and kept gazing at the door and then back to me, waiting for Dad to come back. I had to get the boys to take him with them to snuggle and reassure him.

They have perfectly lovely rooms, but what’s the harm if they stay up late and camp in the family room for a few nights? What’s it hurt if they play their games a little too long? What’s the harm in letting them slack a bit? They’re only going to be kids once.

Besides, my sister and I used to camp out on the patio. Yup. Right here in this house. We used to sleep out there at night. We stayed up late and slept late, and my mother used to bring us breakfast at the picnic table which included fresh peaches from the tree a few steps away. Lovely memories of days long gone made right here in this home.

My kids will fondly remember camping in the family room with the dogs . . .

Hitting you? Whole ‘nother story. One of my kids once threatened it. I threatened to drop him off at the juvenile justice facility (he didn’t know that you can’t just do that). I even drove him halfway there before he finally decided to comply (I can’t remember the issue any more). Tried to tell me I would get in trouble, but luckily for me, I knew the judge and told him I would meet him in the court the following morning, but if he got there first to give Judge _____ my regards. Hehehehehe . . . no more threatened physical harm.

You have to raise ‘em the way that works best for you. I’m just offering my perspective.

It’s not easy, that’s for sure. But we do get through it. When I think of the stuff I pulled with my parents in the glorious ’70′s (the age of disco & parties), it’s a wonder any of us lived through it, frankly.

I was a creep when I was a teenager. I mean, compared to what I did to my folks and what other kids put their parents through, this is nothing.

But he’s my son and he’s something to me. I maintain my mantra, “This too shall pass.”